Reviews for RedVenture 5: Mirage
hawkthewalk chapter 67 . 12/10/2009
can I just say, I've loved this story so far BUT.

I'm not sure I'm digging the romance right now, esp. the hints of something between Venril and Revel. It just doesn't feel right. To be honest, the romantic subplots have been wildly varied in effectiveness thus far - I really liked the dark, tumultuous thing Nivard and Revel had going on (though I can't say I'm sad to see it retired - a wise move on the authors' part to end it before it could prove a hindrance to progress). Damask's character development actually benefited quite a lot from his infatuation with Eliza, imo, and increased my interest in him.

So far, I'd have to say that the character whose believability is suffering most from romance (among other things) is Venril. It is not such a unbelievable thing in itself that he might fall in love with Eliza, but the way he dances around all other reasonable explanation for her actions (a spy? really?) belies his otherwise logical and sound reasoning. Venril has perhaps the most common sense out of the present vermin cast - he generally thinks and speaks along lines of conventional logic. It just doesn't make sense to me that he'd be a fool for love in the same delusional way Damask was.

And in general, I just can't place him - I'm fine with him growing away from the stuttery, timid guy he was at the beginning, but the change has been almost too dramatic. It's a pity Rath had to die so soon - his character was excellent for assisting Venril's development as a warrior while assuring that it still moved at a realistic pace. I'm sorry, but nearly everything Venril does in this chapter feels sort of inconsistent - not extremely so, but just enough to throw me off more than a little while I'm reading it. I understand that he's supposed to be in the process of becoming a confident leader, but the way things stand right now it seems like he is alternately being presented as goofy-incompetent-fish-out-of-water Venril (as he was in his audition piece, and in this chapter with his ineffective verbal exchange with the woodlanders) and badass-super-soldier Venril (see: eviscerating a much larger and brawnier creature with enough breath left to make a Noble One-liner at the end of it).

Couldn't this be done a little more subtly? Couldn't he show some sort of fear or discomfort when he is forced into these frightening situations? The bit when he killed Verand a few chapters previously had this same sense of strange, clinical precision - detailed action bereft of almost any emotion, besides maybe a bit of relief at the end when the act is done. Venril seems like a dude who should have some sort of very active interior voice (not quite Damask-style, but you get what I mean), and a healthy sense of panic when things get rough. He doesn't seem like he should be a killing machine like Rath or Bellona.

So maybe that's why Revel Venril wtf? for me. He has never taken on a "new scent" for me as a reader as he has for Revel - to me, he is still basically the awkward shrimp he was in the beginning. That's the Venril I came to love, and I just can't see him as a brave fighter. A strong leader, maybe, due to his intelligence, but not physically capable, fearless and virile like Revel seems to prefer. For the most part, in fact, she seems to go for complete brutes - not exactly a word you could use to describe Venril, yeah?

I don't mean to pick on you, V-dawg. :( I just want to let y'all know what's up.
Addlebrain chapter 50 . 12/9/2009
The chapter should have been named "Revel's New Dress" It's very funny
Addlebrain chapter 47 . 12/9/2009
Those Interludes really deepen the storyline, plus thet connect, in a faint way. If Nivard hadn't gone to the cook, Medjool would have found a way to kill, and eat, Kirby. It's great.
Addlebrain chapter 46 . 12/9/2009
I really liked the intro where the cook was trying to kill the fly, how such a little thing could drive him to fits of anger, it's hilarious in my mind, how it plays out. Nivard unhinged, though, somethings gotta give there...

Keep it up, I love it!
Addlebrain chapter 40 . 12/7/2009
I like the morbid joke at the end, I had my hopes up for keane, yet it was not to be...
Addlebrain chapter 39 . 12/7/2009
That is the very essence of cunning right there, i'm impressed, though the bird should conside his species.
Addlebrain chapter 38 . 12/7/2009
This is definitley not my area, I really should have skipped this chapter, but i learned more of the cave lingo, which will probably come in handy during the future chapters, though "chivvik" seems pretty universal. Revel got the language thing right sort of. If you have a dog you can understand it. If you say "Your'e a bad dog, but in a good voice, the dog thinks its praise, and vice versa.
Addlebrain chapter 37 . 12/7/2009
Well...Not lacking, I anticipate that Venril with be hilarious at trying to fight alongside Rath, but theres a first for everything. With him learning to fight he will also likely be less dependent on the "beautifull maiden" Eliza, so everyone, even the robin, wins.
Addlebrain chapter 36 . 12/7/2009
Wow, that chapter was great! Exotic food, Rabies, and Death. Every chapter should have one of those three. Well, not really...But rabies? That was nothing short of awesome! The way it was described Q/:"His head shot up with unnatural energy." More of that, and this story would be great!
Addlebrain chapter 34 . 12/7/2009
...Ok, well, i'd say that a long walk off a short plank was in order for the marteness, but she shows promise with her manipulating. She will most likley be one of the near-survivors, or I could be wrong... I still hope she dies though, I never liked rich people. If I were to offer someone like her food, have her slap it away, I would slap the teeth out of her mouth(If she werent a girl, in which case i would stalk off, fuming)
Addlebrain chapter 33 . 12/7/2009
Aww... That stinks. I liked im. There were some characters who could have died in his place. Revel,for instance, she's dumb enough, but not the drug dealer. You could have killed anyone else BUT Keane. In real life a dealer like him, with the stuff he sells, would last till the end, if not outlasting everyone. Darn.
Erethas chapter 37 . 11/4/2009
Hahah, I shall be the first to review, and I shall be evil, but not! I find each and every character realistic, believable and endearing, and each chapter is vry well written. I can imagine the scenes and action in my minds eye, and the characters are distinct from each other. But I have to say this, that it seems to me the the story is being pulled in several directions for the last few chapters. I would mention the trail of events but it would spoil the story for others who haven't finished. It seems like the story has morphed through several stages and plots, and it's not sticking with the original plot. It is confusing, and increasingly complicated and hard to keep track of, and I find myself wondering 'How on earth is a story with multiple barely connected plots/events is going to end?"

We have gone from slaves planning to escape to everyone being chased by feral beasts, for example. I ask the writers, do or will these events support each other, and join up into one single plot? How are you going to tie all these different threads together? It's on the verge, if it isn't already, on becoming too complicated, in my opinion. I would like to see the writers sticking to the events/threads that are going on right now, and not add any new ones that will only scramble things more.

The short of it - there many many many things going on, and the story doesn't need any more dimensions, in my opinions. Any more would be distracting.

Don't get me wrong - I love the story and the characters; this is just me talking, just my opinion, and you don't have to take this seriously.