|Reviews for Harry Potter Last of the Ancients|
| Guest chapter 8 . 6/14/2016
I like the story but it dose have the problem of Harry constantly showing off to much for little reason other than to state " look at me and how great I am".
| Azaira chapter 7 . 5/2/2016
30 minutes for a 20ly jump?
I don't know where you're getting Alteran references, but it probably needs updating. Or complete overhaul...
Even the Goa'uld could travel at more than 1ly per minute.
Earth could travel three million light years in under three weeks, so over easily a hundred per minute.
Asgard could do that in less time, and Alterans were around for many tens of millions of years before the Asgard. Atlantis could travel that distance in mere hours.
Either Harry is purposely slowing down, or there's something wrong here...
| Quietlovingman chapter 17 . 4/12/2016
Well, obviously the next destination should be a Stargate world, so that he can meet the Nox and the Asgard. However if you feel that he is not ready for the challenge of the ORI and needs to learn more, sending him to a High Magic world could be good as he has the technology to analyze and break down spell matrices. Adding new magical concepts to his peoples databases could only help in the end. Marvel has several high tech alien races worth interacting with. Several exotic particles and metals. Parasitic and symbiotic life forms with interesting physical properties. And quite a large collection of magic users with similar yet different traditions from his own. DC of course has the same issues. Not to mention several variant worlds with a dying earth he can save or at least save the people of. I wonder if an Alteran and an Argosian can have kids naturally? Star Trek has several species with technology either drastically different than his own or just more advanced than what he knows. The Q seem to be a reflection of the Ancients and the Ori, so Janus could intervene on his behalf as he did in Star Wars. Setting up the Star Forge in a largely abandoned world and using the Inter Dimensional Stargates to ferry completed ships through would allow him to build up a fleet rapidly with no laborers required. As for his home world, setting up his school with the ability to scan for latent AT gene markers for further recruitment would be good. He can time shift forward and return, and he may eventually get the idea that though he cannot change the past, the past is not set in stone. Kage Baker's The Company series did it best. 'Observed History Cannot Be Changed' what about all the history that wasn't observed? So Alexandria's library burned... go in a few months early and copy everything... So a species went extinct... head back and send out probes to take genetic samples... So a language was lost... Set up disguised/cloaked recorders... In her books they sent agents to the past, collected dying children and made them into immortal cyborgs who then worked through time to preserve that which history said would be lost. So your parents were murdered. Send limited intelligence clones to replace them just before the attack... Mozart is about to die of illness, quick, use a portable brain scanner and clone him... now he can live in the future and continue writing... This method is a brilliant duck to cover all manner of mistakes. Heinlein used it in his later novels beginning with Time Enough For Love. Additional worlds worth a potential visit: Halo, Mass Effect, Ringworld, Starcraft, Mistborn, Wheel of Time, Warcraft, Evangelion, Full Metal Alchemist, Ghost in the Shell, Faerun(forgotten realms). Also there are several technologies that he hasn't explored at all yet. Including shared virtual reality. Though not useful for physical training, when combined with stasis pods and time travel it is a much more interesting training tool than the Ancient Repository's Face Hugger.
| Quietlovingman chapter 15 . 4/12/2016
Good ideas, though Harry's morals are slipping. I am surprised by Yoda's suggestion. Not the idea, but that Yoda suggested it. With the Dark Mark Scanner working things are coming together. The speech was good, especially if the Prophet prints it without spin as unlikely as that is .
| Quietlovingman chapter 14 . 4/12/2016
I am surprised that he was unable to beam through Hogwarts Wards to the interior of the Puddle Jumper. I would think that if his necklace was able to act as a beacon, that the Gate Ship would. I think that the conversations between Harry and the order members could be written smoother. As it is, it almost sounds like Harry is holding hostage the end of the war to ensure their cooperation in cultural upheaval. Scanning for the Dark Mark is an excellent idea, and setting up a copy of his extra galactic prison ship should work nicely. Since all spells are energy matrices being able to set up lots of sensors to pinpoint specific instances of certain matrices and use them for targeting for teleportation to a holding cell would be a good idea as well. Just use the list of spells Aurors aren't even supposed to use as well as the most common offensive curses... A few drops of veritaserum and off to Gulag for the guilty. And you may also be able to retrieve and save the victims of the attacks.
| Quietlovingman chapter 13 . 4/12/2016
Finally 13 chapters in, you explain what happened before Harry left. How he knew about the Cup specifically is still a loose end. I see you have also not had the Ministry fall and Death Eaters aren't running the school. These kinds of changes could have easily been integrated into the story in the first chapter or so rather than several universes later... :) I am looking forward to the meeting between Yoda and Dobby...
| Quietlovingman chapter 12 . 4/12/2016
I always felt bad for the regular troops that got caught up in the massive destruction of the Death Stars and Star Destroyers. I mean, the upper echelons were pretty bad, but a lot of the troops were programmed clones and brainwashed cadets that grew up during the clone wars and joined up to defend the republic not really thinking much about the fact that the government changed to an empire, after all, Palpatine had been in charge all during the war. By the battle of Yavin, he had been running the show for 32 years. I am glad you had Harry find another way to deal with the ships rather than blow them up and kill the troops.
| Quietlovingman chapter 11 . 4/12/2016
Force ghosts as ascended makes sense, though you have to wonder, is the force itself neutral? And if so, are there Sith that have ascended? I like the idea of Yoda moving on with Harry, takes him out of the equation nicely. Star Wars original Trilogy was the retelling of the classic fairy tale coming of age story. The youth on the cusp of manhood guided by the wise old man, having his mentor killed/stripped away then defeats his adversary and becomes a mentor in turn. This motif is repeated over and over in stories going back centuries. Harry Potter of course is no exception. That cycle of the student surpassing/supplanting the master and achieving great spiritual growth through great loss is so Iconic, that when it is not used, the characters seem less real somehow. Without the fires of misery forging the character into who they become they remain Mary Sues. There was once a TV show aired in Canada originally and syndicated in the US called Read All About It. In one of the story arcs, someone was going though the shared world of fiction and removing all the villains and adversaries... This of course made the stories begin to fade as without conflict there was no story. They were boring. So the protagonists of the show had to 'save the villains' so that the stories themselves would continue to be told.
| Quietlovingman chapter 10 . 4/12/2016
Bit of a smack down, though you failed to indicate whether the SD was able to transmit anything about the ship or the battle before being destroyed. Young Yoda for the win. If he is able to adapt to the changes and rebuild a more balanced and tolerant order Yoda would make a much better leader than Luke, simply because of his experience. Luke had to build from scratch having little if any clue what the old order was about and finding new force sensitives was a slapdash affair.
| Quietlovingman chapter 9 . 4/12/2016
Harry pairings polarize a lot of people, especially when words like Soulmate are thrown around. The only way to avoid it (the controvercy) is to declare your pairing in the first chapter, prefereably the summary of the story and just run with it. Hinting and will he won't he leads to ship wars. Star Wars is an excellent universe to drop into for a bit of Tech and not just ores but Medicine and Drugs as well. There are several types of 'spice' that in limited amounts have very beneficial properties. And Bacta is practically a Panacea. The cloners of Kamino may know a few things that the Ancients did not about genetic engineering and growth acceleration. Honestly if it weren't for the Emperor trying to keep him weak, I would have expected Anakin to have had himself cloned and gotten a brain transplant or something, maybe just cloned organs to get off the respirator. Although Yoda is a wonderful character in many ways to me he represents everything that was wrong with the Old Jedi order. He is completely intolerant of any deviation from the more rigid interpretation of the code. He instilled his brand of intolerance into generations of young-lings who went on to spread the same message. Attachment cannot be sundered so lightly. It forms easily and much of the angst in not just the original stories but the expanded universe are from people that feel emotion strongly attempting to suppress that emotion until they break. Emotion, Yet Peace, is a far better mantra than There is no Emotion, There is only Peace.
| Quietlovingman chapter 8 . 4/12/2016
Interesting end to the Arc. His message reminds me of some of the things from Dunuelos' Stories of the Lone Traveler. One thing I would have done in Harry's place would be to treat the armor for the White Stars with the energy signature of the Shadows weapons before installing it. I realize it wasn't as adaptive as his composite armor, but still worth doing. That way the armor isn't having to adapt in the field so to speak.
| Quietlovingman chapter 7 . 4/11/2016
In response to your AN: Also the Wraith ships are grown by infecting a living organism, usually sentient with a virus that causes them to become ships. It is not just adaptive bio armor, the ships are alive.
I was always confused that advanced races couldn't bring themselves to give SG teams tech that was Incrementally better than their own. It seemed almost universal that those with High Tech refused to share it or even give hints for upgrade options or corrected Physics models and equations. I approve Harry's Upgrade and am looking forward to how he interacts with both the Shadows and the Vorlons. At this point almost 40,000 words in, your writing has smoothed out a bit, it's less choppy and your conversations flow better, but there is always room for improvement. Hitting high points of events without covering any background info while Ok for fanfiction readers familiar with the material forces poor saps like myself to spend hours reading the Wiki pages of the shows in question.
| Quietlovingman chapter 6 . 4/11/2016
Despite his mental upgrade, Harry is still a teen and still has a bit of a Saving People Thing. I would have preferred a bit more information regarding the disposition of the enemy troops. If he was able to Beam them from their fighters to their ships, then target the ships with Beamed stun grenades, I am unsure why they chose to go ship to ship knowing that there were three ships still in subspace. I would think that they would have waited for the move before going ship to ship. Not sure who's call that was but it has Harry feeling guilt. One thing you as a writer could do to give it more of an emotional impact would be to have part of the narrative follow a boarding party that is then wiped out by the jump, or ensure that one or more of the boarding party consist of named people that Harry has interacted with personally. It is too easy for faceless soldiers to be written off by readers unless there is a degree of familiarity. Lois McMaster Bujold does this very well with her Space Opera novel series The Vorkosigan Saga.
| Quietlovingman chapter 5 . 4/11/2016
One thing that should be included in this would be the taking of a sample of Q40 for analysis so that he could find it. Harry should have no idea what Q40 is when it is mentioned and should require exposition to understand not only what it is used for but it's inherent dangers. As someone not familiar with B5 I had to look up the reference to understand the chapter. Just a little bit more exposition and I could have understood and moved on. Also, there has been no mention of Hydroponics or any type of gardening on Camelot, so is Harry going to Replicate the produce à la Star Trek? Do Narn's eat the same foods as Humans? Wouldn't Harry need samples of Narnian fruits and vegetables for replication?
| Quietlovingman chapter 4 . 4/11/2016
Babylon 5 is not a show I actually watched, though I have read a few stories set there. I do like the fact that you had their tech interfered with by his scans, that was one thing rarely used in Sci-Fi, that drastically different technology can interact badly. There was one race in SG1 that couldn't stand Radio waves of all things, but that is the only instance I can think of. My favorite B-5 story has to be The Scooby Gang Book 4 by rocky on TTH or rocky-griffin-az here on FFN. You should of course read the other three books first though.