Reviews for Harry Potter Last of the Ancients
Quietlovingman chapter 8 . 4/12/2016
Interesting end to the Arc. His message reminds me of some of the things from Dunuelos' Stories of the Lone Traveler. One thing I would have done in Harry's place would be to treat the armor for the White Stars with the energy signature of the Shadows weapons before installing it. I realize it wasn't as adaptive as his composite armor, but still worth doing. That way the armor isn't having to adapt in the field so to speak.
Quietlovingman chapter 7 . 4/11/2016
In response to your AN: Also the Wraith ships are grown by infecting a living organism, usually sentient with a virus that causes them to become ships. It is not just adaptive bio armor, the ships are alive.
I was always confused that advanced races couldn't bring themselves to give SG teams tech that was Incrementally better than their own. It seemed almost universal that those with High Tech refused to share it or even give hints for upgrade options or corrected Physics models and equations. I approve Harry's Upgrade and am looking forward to how he interacts with both the Shadows and the Vorlons. At this point almost 40,000 words in, your writing has smoothed out a bit, it's less choppy and your conversations flow better, but there is always room for improvement. Hitting high points of events without covering any background info while Ok for fanfiction readers familiar with the material forces poor saps like myself to spend hours reading the Wiki pages of the shows in question.
Quietlovingman chapter 6 . 4/11/2016
Despite his mental upgrade, Harry is still a teen and still has a bit of a Saving People Thing. I would have preferred a bit more information regarding the disposition of the enemy troops. If he was able to Beam them from their fighters to their ships, then target the ships with Beamed stun grenades, I am unsure why they chose to go ship to ship knowing that there were three ships still in subspace. I would think that they would have waited for the move before going ship to ship. Not sure who's call that was but it has Harry feeling guilt. One thing you as a writer could do to give it more of an emotional impact would be to have part of the narrative follow a boarding party that is then wiped out by the jump, or ensure that one or more of the boarding party consist of named people that Harry has interacted with personally. It is too easy for faceless soldiers to be written off by readers unless there is a degree of familiarity. Lois McMaster Bujold does this very well with her Space Opera novel series The Vorkosigan Saga.
Quietlovingman chapter 5 . 4/11/2016
One thing that should be included in this would be the taking of a sample of Q40 for analysis so that he could find it. Harry should have no idea what Q40 is when it is mentioned and should require exposition to understand not only what it is used for but it's inherent dangers. As someone not familiar with B5 I had to look up the reference to understand the chapter. Just a little bit more exposition and I could have understood and moved on. Also, there has been no mention of Hydroponics or any type of gardening on Camelot, so is Harry going to Replicate the produce à la Star Trek? Do Narn's eat the same foods as Humans? Wouldn't Harry need samples of Narnian fruits and vegetables for replication?
Quietlovingman chapter 4 . 4/11/2016
Babylon 5 is not a show I actually watched, though I have read a few stories set there. I do like the fact that you had their tech interfered with by his scans, that was one thing rarely used in Sci-Fi, that drastically different technology can interact badly. There was one race in SG1 that couldn't stand Radio waves of all things, but that is the only instance I can think of. My favorite B-5 story has to be The Scooby Gang Book 4 by rocky on TTH or rocky-griffin-az here on FFN. You should of course read the other three books first though.
Quietlovingman chapter 3 . 4/11/2016
I like the idea of puttering around the multiverse for fun and profit, but I am really not sure why Harry thinks he needs to find any new tech to handle Tom. At this point, with a cityship in orbit, he can use his scanners to find pretty much anything on the British Isles. He has both ring and beam based transporters, quite possibly access to cloning labs, energy shielding, multiple weapon systems. The only thing missing, would be soldiers. He knows what is keeping Tom alive, the question is does he have the Locket yet? Once he has one of the devices, he can scan for the others, beam them all into a room that is shielded to hell and back, vaporize the items and keep Tom in a stasis pod until he decides what to do with him. Hell, he could keep Tom in a pod without collecting the trinkets. Send some Trinium nanite replicators out on a seek and find mission to 'tag' tom and the death eaters then use the tag to lock on beaming tech. Camelot like Atlantis runs off of Potentia or zero point modules, but I think Rodney McKay coined the term ZPM. According to Dr. Zelenka they "extract vacuum energy from an artificial region of subspace-time until it reaches maximum entropy." Based on that, each one has the equivalent of a wizard tent expanded space inside it that collapses as the charge is spent. Harry should be able to re-cast a space expansion charm on the interior of an expended Potentia to recharge them or make them able to be recharged.
Quietlovingman chapter 2 . 4/11/2016
I like the dodge you pulled by having the cityship from an AU rather than this one. Does that mean that there is no Stargate program on this world? Or just that the threat of the Ori will not become what it was in this dimension? Are Janus and Ganos Lal ascended in this dimension rather than the original one, and are there any other ascended ancients to interfere with them via their non-interference pact... these are the questions brought to mind when reading this chapter. One thing, there is a significant difference between nodding and shaking your head. Harry keeps 'shaking his head yes' rather than nodding. It's off-putting.
Quietlovingman chapter 1 . 4/11/2016
I have read one or two other SGHP crossovers, I love the concept that Magic users are Alterans and squibs have the AT gene marker. You stated that this is your first fan-fiction, this first chapter is a bit rough, the conversations and transitions are a bit stilted and could use a bit of revision... (Editing not study) Despite the summary paragraph, I am unclear when in the timeline this event is happening, before the camping trip? Harry didn't discover the cup was in the vault until after being captured by Snatchers and escaping with Dobby's help. By that time he couldn't show his face in the bank without being arrested by Death Aurors. What happened to Ron and Hermione? How old is Harry? He turned 17 the 31st of July after Dumbledore's death. He should be considered an adult in the wizarding world at that age. A few paragraphs setting up the decision to go to the bank, pinning down the timeline and how Harry learned the location would be good. When you are writing an AU, it is best to set up and explain the changes leading up to the plunge into the plot unless you are able to seamlessly integrate the explanation of the changes with the action. Your intro ignoring the AU elements and just jumping into the action makes for a WTF? moment when reading. Having said that, Good start, I hope you continue this and continue to improve your craft of writing. I will be reviewing most chapters as I read this.
Rangle chapter 1 . 4/4/2016
Hum, O' boy, you kept the original canon personality. I'm going to make a game of counting how many times Harry denies the truth that's staring in front of his eyes.
Guest chapter 13 . 9/5/2015
Don't like Ginny. She's been programmed by her mother to have a fixation on the boy who lived. She dose not really know Harry or love him for himself. Mrs Weasley is like something straight out of a Jane Austin novel. A manipulative women who wants her daughter to marry into money. I seriously doubt that Ginny who played around with multiple boys while at Hogwarts can really be loyal to any one man. She's more the type that would be driven by the desire of her loins. After all her mother was. Oh come on let's get real. The women had seven children. That's one hell of a sex drive.
relative1983 chapter 2 . 5/15/2015

I like the idea for this story so far. There is one thing that's slightly annoying though. When someone shakes their head, they mean no. When they nod, they mean yes. Everytime Harry means yes, you have him shaking his head, so that makes it confusing, because I (and a lot of other people with me) read this as: no.

Your story would 'flow' much better if you fixed this tiny mistake.

Good luck!
Guest chapter 6 . 2/5/2015
So yeah it was good, not what I wanted but enjoyable

I got onto the chapter with babylon 5 where harry was bitchy about killing people... I guess he is pretty bitchy about that shit like the books though so no fault on your part. Erm yeah the whole goblin thing is an over used plot. And the whole harry-is-instantly-smart-and-know-loads-of-information-yet-still-keeps-the-same-personality-and-doesnt-view-everyone-as-ants is also an over used plot.
ob1292 chapter 13 . 12/20/2014
A good story so far I am eager to see what comes next. As for Harry being with Ginny, personally I am not a Harry/Ginny fan as Ginny is described as being a major FANGIRL and Harry constantly complains about people not seeing the real him so why would he marry someone who does not? I never understood why Rowling put them together, However I have read a few stories where the author seriously altered Ginny's personality removing the Fangirl characteristics and then the pairings made a lot more sense. Also Harry has already stated his desire to avoid being controlled and if Ginny is anything like her mother then she will do what ever she wants and ignore Harry's opinions. The other thing is that Harry wants to father multiple children and having a single partner will severely limit the number of children he is able to father, unless he uses AI and that bring a whole slew of other problems. So I think it would be best for his plans if he found several willing partners, and if Ginny is one of them then it would probably work better, especially if Harry chooses other women with strong personalities that will not easily bend to a mouthy red head. Good Job
Yinko chapter 5 . 11/14/2014
5 tonnes of water isn't actually that much. I haven't calculated it, but it would Probably fit on the back of a 16 wheeler. It's only 1,320 gallons of water.
jupimako chapter 18 . 11/10/2014
Awesome! Thanks for letting us know!
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