|Reviews for The Treasure of the Consentia|
| Mahi-Mahi chapter 1 . 7/18/2010
I'm going to give a CC on this since I was interested enough to read all six chapters. At first I saw '7 chapters, 49,504 words and only 13 reviews' and thought this would be aweful.
But when I read the first chapter, I was stuck...until the second, third and so on, it slowly seemed to go downhill. Our lovely female characters seemed quite weak, the trigger being just the simple loss of their significant male others in less than a few weeks time. Gwen, one of the most intelligent of the bunch was slowly turned into something ignorant and blatantly disregarded common sense and family/friends worried advice in favor of that of a dangerous criminal on the grounds that he 'proclaimed undying love to her' (not to mention nearly raped her)and that she wouldn't break the necklace just b/c it could be worth money. Not to mention, is this a Gwevin or a Gwen/Morningstar? B/c indications are not looking favorable and the fact she barely resisted, let alone defended that scum, has me wondering and only praying that she is in some way under the influance of the necklace, which I don't believe she would have ever been stupid enough to put on in the first place just because it was 'pretty'. ?really? But the hardest for me to digest is this 'shojo' theme you have going on in the romance department. It's, please take no offense, annoying and unreasonable. Heart attacks from a broken heart? Weakminded females believing anything and everything strangers/enemies tell them simply b/c their man is missing or they have a little doubt in their hearts. Eg: Julie, knowing full well the risks and odd things that happen that go along with Ben's job as a plumber, enemies that might try to cause certain problems, would fall for something so ridiculous from someone holding her CAPTIVE in a wax museum?
And Kevin(it was Kevin right? unless I read it wrong), ordering someone to kill Julie(whether he believed she would be safe of not) would NEVER happen(again, I know this is just fanfiction) Just like he would never tolerate something like that towards Gwen, he would respect Ben enough not to put his 'love' in danger. Not to mention, I don't even understand where or what or why Kevin making Julie and Ben's relationship needing torn apart has to do with shit in this plotline? Again, also the fact that the only Gwevin moments were a couple paragraphs in the first chapter, we've had no contact since.
Now, the positive things.
It's clear you've worked very hard at thinking this through and the plot, on it's own, is excellent, it's the only thing that kept me reading. Your characterizations of Keven and Ben were pretty spot on (the females too, but defininately not at the end) This whole plot was genius, I loved it and wanted to find out more, delving a little into Kevin's past, ect...I applaud you for the fun adventure in reading that part. Your grammar is pretty good. Better than most ff authors. Maybe work on knowing where to properly put a '.' or a '?' in the proper places. And mainly, it wasn't that you put comma's in wrong areas, it's that you DIDN'T put them in certain areas that needed them, badly. Which made a sentence hard to understand. Along with adding a "Kevin said" or "Ben said," just to note who is speaking, make it clearer, otherwise you don't know who is saying what.
Whoo, anyways, I hope that helps a little, and just realize it's constructive critism, not flaming. And I did it b/c I enjoyed the fic, not hated it. Well, I hope you find the drive to continue someday!
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 7 . 3/8/2010
UNDERSTANDABLE, I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH MY BEN 10 FIC AS WELL, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
| AutocraticCat chapter 7 . 3/8/2010
Aww you're stopping?
Well here's a review to help you get interested again.
KEEP UPDATING! :D Please?
Haha, I really do like this story and I hope you do continue whenever you can. I'm sure tons of people read it but are just too lazy to comment :D Either way I like it a lot
Hope you do eventually continue this
| AwesomeOliver chapter 6 . 2/19/2010
Ah! I needed a new, awesome, long, intense chapter like this one! Thanks for making my week :-) Aw poor Ben! I hate seeing the kid so down! And the suspense is killing me, I can't wait for the next chapter! Update soon mkay?
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 6 . 2/19/2010
OK NOW I SEE HOW IT'S GOING TO GO, NICE CHAPTER, BEING ABLE TO DO 70 WORDS ON A FIC FOR A SHOW THAT'S STARTING TO DO HORRIBLE IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE TO ME, I'M HAVING MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK PROBLEMS WITH MY BEN 10 FIC,
| AutocraticCat chapter 5 . 1/24/2010
Arrgh! I hate Morningstar! But the story is really good :) Keep updating... and make sure Kevin kicks Morningstars ass at the end ;)
| AwesomeOliver chapter 5 . 1/14/2010
Gah! Wait, no! You can't end there! I need to know what happens to Julie! And Kevin needs to come back and kick Morningstar's butt! (I don't like him :-P) eep! The suspense! Update soon mkay?
(ps: sry this is constructive criticisim. But maybe you could write the name of the person talking more often? It gets a little confusing in the middle of long conversations. But oher Han hat everything's perfect _)
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 5 . 1/14/2010
OH THIS IS GONNA LEAD TO PROBLEMS, SO HOW MUCH LONGER TILL THINGS STOP BEING CONFUSING, I'M KINDA LOST, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 4 . 12/15/2009
AH CLONES, ONE OF THE MOST HORRID AND FUN THINGS A SUPERHERO CAN HAVE,
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 3 . 11/2/2009
KENTO KENTO, NICE ONE, BUT REALLY CASH? SERIOUSLY, YOU HAVE GOT TO WATCH THE ACTUAL SERIES, STILL NICE CHAPTER THOUGH, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
| Lexii-chan chapter 2 . 10/20/2009
:D I love this. Ben and Gwen's worried for their other halves. Kevin's a prince from a differenct planet. And someone's been orded to suduce Julie while another is ordered to kill her. I can't wait for the next chapter. :)
I think the cheerleader's name should be Nikki. I don't know why. \ I don't have anything against Nikki's (I even have a close friend named Nikki), but for some reason my mmind keeps refering her to that name.
Hope you update soon. This really made my day. :)
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 2 . 10/20/2009
SOMETHING'S GONNA HAPPEN, SOMETHING BIG, YOU KNOW BEFORE YOU SAID YOU WERE MAKING IT UP AS YOU WENT ALONG, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE AN OUTLINE OF WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO STOP, AND THANKS FOR THE MENTION, I'LL BE SURE TO MENTION YOU IN MY FIC WHEN I UPDATE IN AN HOUR WHEN I POST THIS, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
| Lexii-chan chapter 1 . 10/8/2009
This story is just off to an amazing story! I can't wait for the next chapter! :)
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 1 . 10/6/2009
BATA BATA, YOU MIND SPLITTING IT UP A LITTLE MORE NEXT CHAPTER, IT WAS A BIT TOUGH ON THE EYE'S TO KEEP IN LINE WITH THE TEXT, OTHER THAN THAT I KIND OF LIKED IT. NOT EXACTLY AN ANGTS KIND OF PERSON KENKO, BUT I KNOW YOU WON'T END THIS IN A TRAGEDY, AT LEAST I HOPE SO. AND I'M GLAD SOMEONE AGREES WITH THE PAIRINGS LIKE ME, I GOT SO PISSED OFF AT THE PEOPLE MAKING SO MANY OF THE WRONG COUPLES THAT I HAD TO MAKE MY OWN BENxJULIE STORY AND SET OF LEMON ONE-SHOTS. I LIKE HOW YOU PORTRAY THEM DESPITE THE FACT YOU HAVEN'T REALLY SEEN THE SERIES, MADE A FEW MISTAKES BUT UNDERSTANDABLE. CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA