Reviews for HIVE Minded |
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![]() ![]() ![]() more please |
![]() ![]() ![]() Really enjoyed this, thanks for the story! |
![]() ![]() ![]() You probably could have ended it right here and it would have been a solid ending. I noticed you continued and attempted a reboot which I may check out in a bit after I get caught up with other stuff. Power creep was an issue, Danny was already very good without the weather powers and the sword and whatever he picked up from Blood. Swords are always fun however. |
![]() ![]() "Just to reiterate, I'm not dropping this story" So that was a fcking lie |
![]() ![]() "Just to reiterate, I'm not dropping this story" Yeah, fuck you too budy. |
![]() ![]() ![]() You do realize that this could have been written as the end of the story, happy ever after and all that? Meet the parents do good (maybe have jinx masters more into her heritage so Danny isn't al alone for eternity) have kids etc. Or even end this one on a act ending and have it continue in a part 2... What we have now instead is a point where everything feels finished but really isn't but because the plot(Jinx x Danny) is at a satisfying point and there is no plot bunny to go after there is no need to continue. Still love the story except for this chapter. |
![]() ![]() ![]() ...a little weird that Jinx is still pulling power and humiliation plays on someone she's been considering a friend and now boyfriend (even if the boyfriend part is only 50% herself). That really paints her as an abusive, narcissistic and sadistic personality. |
![]() ![]() ![]() "It wasn't that she and Phantom were very much alike, either. Well, they liked the same food…and movies…and jokes… Jinx shook her head dismissively. Fine, so they were a bit alike. Still, they had differing opinions on almost everything else. The disagreed on morality, ethics, tactics, strategy, and music…" "Jinx cringed, remembering the time they had tried a sparring match." This. If you ever manage to get the time/enthusiasm to add more to the beginning of this story, you should absolutely expand on these two things. Like, a full chapter of Danny and Jinx studying/bantering with each other and getting to know each other, and a half chapter or so worth of building up to their spar, the actual spar, and then the aftermath of the spar. |
![]() ![]() ![]() "Now Jinx, tell Brother Blood all you know about your dear classmate." I really wish we had gotten some actual conversations between her and Danny. We got TOLD in the narration that they grew slightly closer as frenemies, but all we really got was their introduction and first thoughts on each other, a sudden time skip of MONTHS (and the first few months are always the most important parts of developing relationships, one way or the other), and suddenly Danny had been experimenting with his ice powers with her. The same for these classes as well. There's a lot of telling, but not much showing of Danny training, both mentally and physically. The testing that had him figure out how many ectoblasts he could pump out, how fast, and at different strengths? That's the kind of thing you show Danny testing in a HIVE gym, maybe have a few fan students cheering his performance and whispering about how cool he is, while an upperclassman outdoes his performance in one way or another, such as shooting out 50 lasers very quickly, even if they can't focus their shots into one big, charged shot. |
![]() ![]() ![]() My little Phantom just can't be this cute! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Honestly, I kind of don't like the nerf to Danny's intangibility, but I suppose he really is OP compared to most of the DC roster without some enforced weaknesses. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Not gonna lie, I was totally expecting a double-entendre laden conversation where they accidently spoke past each other and both ended up being convinced the other person totally knew what they were talking about. But this is also hilarious. Poor Danny doesn't understand how social conditioning works though, heheheh, and he's no Naruto with a Therapy no Jutsu to win all the villains over to his side. |
![]() ![]() ![]() "I'm not dumping this story." that's why it's marked complete despite being a cliffhanger. yup. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Man, the dress thing was funny the first time, but now it's just annoying. It went from being a joke to a fetish brought up over and over again. I don't see a point in it at all. It feels like someone is "curious" about wearing woman's clothes and wants to experiment with it. To be honest, I didn't even care until you decided to bring it up in every single god damned scene there is. If I wanted to read a story about a guy opening up to his girlfriend's cross-dressing fetish I'd go read it. I can get it as a joke, but when every single time Jynx and Danny interact it somehow has that in it, it makes me question why the author put it there so much. Man, if you want to go write a story about that go and do it. I ain't gonna judge. This is almost comparable to a Sekirei fic I read a while ago where the author threw in foot-fetish stuff and specifically made a point that he doesn't like it in AN. Then, he proceeded to paint literally every romantic interaction the characters have with a foot fetish. It makes you wonder you know? Despite the above-average writing, this isn't what I signed up for. I'm out. It was fun while it lasted. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Jinx is Vlad's daughter right? |