|Reviews for Life of an Assist Trophy|
| The Spaded Blade chapter 4 . 1/18/2014
Heh, Waluigi's gonna have some pipsqueaks cleaning his pigst- I mean room. You really should make more chaps, 'cause it would be horrible for your fans to see that this was removed. Anyway, I think it would be cool if you did the Tank and Soldiers, 'cause who wouldn't want to see them in this fic? Your definitions of assist trophies are amazing.
Pace fuori, suckers!
| gamergirl1000 chapter 4 . 12/4/2013
I love this story. Can you do Kat and Ana next?
| ElevenComics chapter 4 . 11/28/2013
Hey, you think you can make a chapter with Devil's (look it up on the wiki) POV? That would be really cool.
| ElevenComics chapter 1 . 11/28/2013
this is really neat! Poor Lyn. :(
| MissAkari chapter 1 . 12/26/2009
Aw! This was really sad. The assist trophies are cool, but this definitely puts a new spin on their POV. Nice work. Lyn is one of my favorite ones.
| Lays chapter 4 . 12/25/2009
I think you got a really nice idea! At least someone mentions the Assist Trophies, and it's a shame that no one cares about them while they got an own personality/character in their games. I'm looking forward for your new chapters. _
| BooWhat chapter 3 . 10/26/2009
yay! saftys next! and personally, i have NO clue about the song thing...( Oh well, I GUESS i can wait for the next chapter...keep it up though, i love it...
| ShadowWolf 2.X chapter 3 . 10/26/2009
Great chappie :D. Aw,poor Shadow thinking he's weak,but he's not. Can't wait for Stafy :D
| SPEAKERNiGHT chapter 3 . 10/25/2009
I am really loving this story. It's good to hear the Assists' sides of the deal.
| GigaNerd17 chapter 3 . 10/25/2009
OMG Stafy! Yay! :D
Anyways... I know you don't want to listen to my lengthy ramble on grammar, but here it is anyways:
“I TOUGH you were strong Shadow. Guess I was wrong…”
“It’s not that you are weak, but Master Hand TOUGH there were too much Smashers.”
The word is "thought," not "tough." I'm guessing that this is just a misspelling, so as long as you remember, it's not a problem.
“It’s not that you are weak, but Master Hand tough there were too MUCH Smashers.”
“He wanted you, as well as us too, in the tournament, but there were too MUCH fighters, so he did this to us."
The correct term here would be "many," not "much." I know there's a grammarical rule about this, but I can't remember it at the moment. Sorry. :(
" I wasn’t ANY WEAK just because I left some tears escape during my sleep."
There are two ways to correct this sentence. Either say "I wasn't ANY WEAKER just because...," or "I wasn't WEAK just because..."
"I WEPT them away and looked at the digital clock on the bedside."
The word "wept" is the past-tense of "weep," so the correct term here would be "wiped."
There were a few more errors, but these were the ones I thought I should point out.
Keep on writing!
| LightDarkandChaos chapter 3 . 10/25/2009
When the Smashers moan about their lives, they should stop and remember: It's harder for the Assist Trophies.
| Super-Silent-K chapter 3 . 10/25/2009
of course shadow wud talk
about sonic hahaha lol
wow this assist trophies are so
sad and feel so dejected having to
just assist the "real fighters" and then
just disappear like that
anyways cant w8 for the nxt chap.
| YOUR WORSE NIGHTMARE chapter 3 . 10/25/2009
...I can't think of a song. Well, other than Prelude 12/21 or All the Right Moves, nothing. And I'm sure neither is the song you got inspiration from.
Great story, I feel sad for Shadow, even if I don't know him well. LOL.
| Smash King24 chapter 1 . 10/17/2009
So this is a story about Assist Tophies: items in Super Smash Bros. Brawl that allows the player to summon a helper to the field. The Trophies themselves have no other job except to fight for their user or, in some cases, distort the flow of everyone in game.
This is a pretty good rendition of what the Trophies are doing before they enter the field of battle. Although your plot was very creative, your spelling and grammar could have used a bit of work.
For example, the very first line in the story:
I found this unecessary and very unproffessional. We already know it's Lyn's POV because her name IS the title of the chapter. Basically, you're telling the reader something he/she already knows, thereby making yourself look like a novice, as well as giving us the impression that you think we are stupid.
I found there to be a lack of description at some parts, which is very bad because description is crucial to establishing the plot and setting. AGAIN you make a mistake in the beginning:
"It looked tiny from the place I was looking at, but the Smash Mansion was twice as big as any ordinary mansion. "
It looked tiny from the "place she was looking at"? Where, may I ask, is that place? It may seem clear in YOUR head when you type, but unless you state it for us to read, we have no idea what your talking about. How are we supposed to know that you're talking about another manision? (At least, I THINK that's where Lyn was looking from).
You start to build on ideas, but then you drop them entirely for no reason at all. This gives the reader the impression you have NO IDEA what you're trying to say at all. There are several examples of these where you just stop abruptly all of a sudden when you could have expanded oterwise:
"I nodded, still a little annoyed. Master Hand always said that we had to be impartial, and help whoever manages to summon us. But sometimes it could be hard…"
How could it be hard? You want to give us a flashback perhaps? Maybe a comparison? Stating something without providing backup informtaiotn makes it seem like you are trying to get your own opinion about something across without applying cold hard facts.
Spelling is always an issue in any fanfiction, and this one is no exception:
"This remembered the first time I was summoned."
"I felt my body getting stead; soon I wouldn’t be able to move."
"Until there, I would have to get used on being just an assist trophy."
"Assist Trophy" should be capitalized. ANYTHING that you borrow from the game should be capitalized. For example, would you say this:
"Red threw a pokeball at Mario."
"Red threw a Pokeball at Mario."
Any names, people, places, items, and important words should be capitalized no matter what, or else you seem like you know nothing about the franchise at all.
Semi-colons. Many authors on this site attempt to use semi-colons in their writing, only becuse it makes them look 'smart.' Hear me now, if you don't know how to use them, DON'T USE THEM. Look at this:
"There they trained, made friends, fought battles and earned some money; which it was not my case… well, almost."
Why was there a semi-colon there? You had no need to. Not only that, but the grammar that comes after and before the semi-colon is completely wrong. It should be this:
"That is where they are trained, where friends are made, where battles are fought, and money is earned, which was not my case at all... well, almost."
For the record, a semi-colon should be used when attaching two VERY similar completed clauses together. Semi-colons may take the substitute of words such as "and" or "but."
For example, my two sentences there:
"I went for a walk through the park, but I didn't see a single bird."
"I went for a walk through the park; I didn't see a single bird."
You can't just thorw semi-colons wherever you want in a sentence, otherwise you make yourself look like a complete fool. DON'T use them unless you know HOW to use them.
Now, getting back to your story, you contantly change between the present tense and past tense, making it seem very confusing if Lyn is experiencing this NOW or in the PAST. I won't give you an example because this story has so many of them you can pick them out easily like dandelions. Just make sure next time that you keep your story in the past of present from the beginning all the way to the end. Personally, I prefer past tense.
I found this line VERY weird:
"'Taste my blade!', I yelled as I stroked her with my sword."
Do you know what 'stroke' means? As a noun, can mean to take mortal blows or wounds to the body. HOWEVER, in this sentence you are using it as a verb, meaning that Lyn is stroking Peach's body with her sword GENTLY and COMFORTINGLY. I think this is not what you intended to do. Try not to dress up your sentence with words unless you know their TRUE meanings. I would have been fine if just said something as simple as:
“'Taste my blade!', I yelled as I slashed her with my sword."
It's not that hard.
Ho-hum. Well, I'm getting kind of tired reading this thing over and over again. It has its ups and downs.
-original plot and story
-in character characters
-introduces characters that people rarely see in this section
-good use of emotions
-grammar and spelling
-lack of description and setting
Readers may be turned off by this because of the lack of detail and grammar. You could have the greatest story in the world, but it would still suck if the grammar wasn't there. However, the way it introduces characters that are barely seen in the series is quite unique when compared to other stories in this section. This story may or may not be praised by everyone, but it will appeal to those who like seeing their own character.
Personally, I think its a pretty mediocre story, meaning that I don't think it's great, nor do I think it sucks. It has the potential to be good, but it just doesn't grab my attention as some of the other stories in this section. Any reader like me who is looking for a good story will easily skip over this thing in attempts to find something more interesting.
Keep at the work, and maybe you'll turn this into something good. Keep practicing with spelling and experimenting with words that are captivating. Don't try to impress yourself too much, otherwise you'll only end up screwing yourself over. With a little more time, and maybe some more effort, I'm sure you could turn this into something everyone could enjoy. With that, I leave you my review. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns, please feel free to leave a message any time you like.
Smash King24's Rating:
Oh, and if you're insulted by this review in any way, don't be. I'm not judging you as a person.
And besides, you asked me to do this for you.
| ShadowWolf 2.X chapter 2 . 10/13/2009
That... was... AWESOME! Isaac's last line was great. *hides the tissue she was whipping her tears on* I can see Shadow just sitting there,thinking they are all weak and idiots for arguing about a dog.(And being awesome) Speaking of him... YAY! SHADOW! He's next,can't wait for him. I bet he will be talking about how he's better than the "faker"(Sonic)(He always be calling Sonic that XD) and think it was a flaw that Sonic got in Brawl. Either way,can't wait for next chapter.