|Reviews for All is Hunger|
| HeavyBane chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
ADULT ABUSE, REPORTING
| BloomRay chapter 2 . 10/30/2012
So, first off, I kinda loved it.
I do realise it's been a while since this has been posted, but I hope you read this review nonetheless. I'm not a huge fan of Twilight, I'll admit. I kinda came across this story by random, and the summary seemed intriguing. I'll break my review down, because I have quite a lot to say.
First off, I don't think you should pay any heed to the other reviewers. Yes, it's ambiguous. No, there isn't any fluffy romantic "OH EDWARD!" scenes. But I like that. Ambiguity leaves more the reader's imagination than many think. As I said to a person I'm beta-ing- "Show. Don't tell." And that's precisely what you've done.
I'll admit- I guess I liked it because it's closer to my style than anything I've read. You can call it poetry and I've received a couple of reviews on my own story about the negative side of it. True, it's a style with a refined taste, but that doesn't make it "wrong" or "terrible."
Now, if this fic doesn't mean much to you, and as one reviewer said it is a "troll fic," then it's a pretty good one. Just for the record. I didn't catch on to that, anyway.
Maybe I'm biased against the Twilight fandom because most of the fics I've read haven't been great. But I'm guessing they're generally younger, and don't really understand the story- hence, hate on it.
Ah well. "Haters gonna hate."
*strolls away whistling*
| Slick the Wolf chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
This story has NO PLOT IN IT WHATSOEVER! All of your stories are flicking BORING and they SUCK like heck. Instead of reporting other people's stories you should report your own stories!
For those of you out there whose stories have been criticize by this jerk don't listen to him. He's not the boss of you and keep writing. Cause I think all of your stories are so flicking awesome!
So Loser Kelvin I think you should just take your stories and shove them right up your donkey!
| GilbertArthurandLukas39 chapter 2 . 9/3/2012
For Chapter 1:
Okay, what the heck is going on? I think it MIGHT have potential, but seriously...da fuq is going on? Is it about a vampire's life? I might be wrong, but whatever.
Well...I GUESS this is pretty appropriate for a M-rated fic, but not all 17 year olds can understand some of your vocabulary. So you might want to make it so people can understand it a bit better.
All in all, this is not wholly a flame, but not wholly a CC, either.
Who's Will? Why do I not remember Will from Twilight?
That is all.
JGS39, someone who is not a fan of you, and can barely tolerate you
| GilbertArthurandLukas39 chapter 1 . 9/3/2012
| Lanius excubitor chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
This is absolutely fucking hilarious.
AKA, this is the worst pile of bullshit I've ever come across today. And I have a thing for absolute shitfics.
| Kiku Honda fan 3 chapter 1 . 8/23/2012
Dafuq did I just read?
| 6Paths'Follower chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
I'm just taking a wild guess here and saying this is a troll fic for your haters isnt it? Very Clever of you,But to bad this proves you don't belive in Hi No Ishi:(
-The Sage of Six Paths' Loyal follower(And the beliver of Hi no Ishi).
| 6Paths'Follower chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
Erm...exactly how do you get this from reading Twilight?Did you even read the books? I get that this is the POV of Hunger and Lust (Who are not canon characters) where's the was also OOC, he's pictured as a gentelmen so he wouln't 'grab Bella's breast'. Also if Hunger was a Character He'd also be OOC. Hunger sounds arrogent to me the way you write it. I think since everyone hates hunger and hunger is hated he'd be more sad, lonely,and hate himself. Lust...I wont go there (OMG Lust from FMA!) Also "Lord" Kelvin you write to.. em old-ish. Your not really a Lord so just tone down the Arrogence you put in your fics. Oh and everyone Knows The Sage Of Six Paths is the true ''Lord."
-Hope this helps
The Sage of Six Paths' Loyal Follower
| XxxCathylovexxX chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
I'm sorry, but this story has no plot. It just jumps in and we have no idea whats going on. Also, aren't the sexual themes in this a little too explicit for this site? Just a thought. It's well written, but we, the readers, have no idea what's going on.
| AnarchyWriter chapter 1 . 7/9/2012
There is no way in hell I am NOT MSTing this.
| I own a dictionary too chapter 2 . 6/8/2012
So I suffered through a good 10 minutes reading this and all I can say is...WTF. Your story has no plot, unless you call opening the dictionary to random words and attempting to string them together a plot. Nearly every sentence is a fragment and this is supposed to be horror/romance. No, this is poetry; you really need to change the genre.
For someone who seems to pride themselves as being superior to nearly everyone in your command of the English language, I think you have perhaps forgotten a few key points, such as, every sentence must have a subject and an action. Some of your sentences are so simple, I'd expect them from an elementary student. Honestly, I don't think I've written this simply (or poorly) since I was second grade. Maybe if you took the time to figure out what you were trying to convey and didn't use overly flowery, what is it that you call it? Oh, that's right purple prose, I would have been more interested in this.
I'm sure you won't take anyone's reviews to heart as you see yourself as a gifted, talented writer who is perfect to judge the rest of us mere mortals. I find it amusing that you and your friends encourage others to flame people's work. Much of the work, you want flamed is from younger members. The true irony is you want to flame budding writers while encouraging FFN to "clean up M-rated stories." Why? You and your cronies are discouraging young writers from pursuing their own dreams.
Some of the reviews left on these writers' profiles are cruel and vindictive. Then, you top it off by saying "Have a nice, abuse-free day." When you are abusive in your reviews. It's nothing more than a slap in the face.
Everyone deserves equal opportunities to improve on their writing skills. We cannot expect everyone to have the same level of writing skills and often skills develop over time. Yes, we don't need to post every little thing that we write but sharing our ideas and having people acknowledge us can give us confidence and the more we write the more we will improve.
I'm grateful that I don't have any children old enough to use this site as I can not imagine them having to endure the form of cyber-bullying you feel is appropriate. Your profile says that you are 16? Whether that age is current or from a few years ago, you should know better. Or perhaps it is the norm in your country to be cruel and bully others.
I apologize in advance for my long review but yet I feel I have not lived up to your reputation in which you often give, I believe you said 3-4 page reviews. I know my words will not change you but I truly hope that nothing bad happens because of your tolerance and encouragement of bullying. I don't know how common it is in other countries but multiple young people (some as young as 10 years old) have killed themselves because of cyber-bullying. You don't know what personal struggles someone may be going through and to attack them for your own personal pleasure is horrible.
BTW, I have proof-read and spell-checked my review. Have a nice day.
| elena's lair chapter 1 . 5/30/2012
not soo great yourself mate fix ure own fics first before reporting others.
| Winter's Melody chapter 1 . 9/14/2011
Although I’m impressed by the sheer range of vocabulary your writing exhibits, the exact same could be said for a dictionary. One thing I learned in grade five, when I picked up a dictionary and decided to read it cover to cover, is that dictionaries are not the easiest things to read. In all honesty, I only managed to get to the fifth page before giving up. In this aspect, your piece, which I have read through to the end of the second chapter, has surpassed the dictionary. Congratulations.
I must note, however, that reading a few pages of the oxford English dictionary as an eleven year old was far more comprehensible than reading the majority of your first chapter as a sixteen year old. Therefore congratulations are, once more, in order; you have created literature deeper and less penetrable than the dictionary.
On a more serious note, your writing is commendable. If we ignore the disaster that is the first chapter and dwell on the more lucid second chapter, it becomes obvious that you are quite talented at abstract writing. Towards the end of the second chapter in particular, I might go so far as to call your writing genius. Might.
You use far too many long, complicated words merely for the sake of proving your intelligence. This is unnecessary, as your writing is intelligent enough to not have to rely on words that the majority of people (including myself) will not understand. Try to remember that when you post something on the internet you should be writing for the audience, not for yourself.
Another small bone I have to pick is with the length of your chapters. Ever heard of the saying; short and sweet? If you have you clearly don’t understand it; your writing tends to ramble unnecessarily and is overly complex. The heart of abstract lies in simplicity. Good abstract writing will be deceptively simple; descriptive without being overly wordy, powerful without having to spell out emotions.
Although the aforementioned points might seem few and relatively minor, they are enough to make your writing lethally boring. (No offence intended...well, maybe a little.)
The main thing that redeemed this fanfic in my eyes was the ending of the second chapter, which almost literally sent chills down my spine. If the rest of your chapter had been similar to it, there would be no need for me to say (write) anything other than: XD Wow...Amazing! KYAA KYAA etcetera.
However, because the majority of your writing was an unintelligible, and most importantly, uninteresting mess, I am forced to admit that I would not reread this thing even if paid.
If I had to sum up my impression of your fanfiction:
Words. Flashing by. Blurry and without focus. They swarm through my mind, disconfumbled and disconnected. Blood; red. Pulsing veins. A beating heart. A man. Edward Cullen. Multitudes of words, and so few explicable.
Incomprehensible and unfathomable, my eyes begin to glaze, my thoughts begin to wander. The cursor that steadily descends these dense lines is never fast enough. Are we there yet? The familiar chant runs through my mind. How long have I sat, held by the presumption of an ending? Or by sheer stubbornness? I know not. I care not. For all ordeals, mercifully, end.
PS: You’d make a great poet.
| Awesome Name chapter 1 . 8/7/2011
After looking at the self-flagellation that masquerades as a bio on your page, it seems that you value both good writing and the Twilight series. How do you reconcile these two mutually-exclusive categories?
This reads like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, inasmuch as it makes no sense to anyone who isn't stoned out of their gourd. Although, to be fair, the source material isn't much better. The difference is, Fear and Loathing is a worthwhile work. But I digress. The way to write a good stream of consciousness, as opposed to this, is to have some sort of link between each successive idea-jump.
Also, I'd recommend taking some remedial English classes, learning sentence structure, and avoiding the randomly-capitalized words.
They say a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters could reproduce the works of Shakespeare. It seems this story is what you get when you take just one and give him an E-Z-Spell and an internet connection.