|Reviews for Pirates of the Caribbean: The Isle of Youth|
| formerAnnie chapter 1 . 2/10/2010
Quite an interesting start. I look forward to hearing more from this story; however, I'm curious about something: Where did you get the idea for Laura's name? I'm just finding it quite hilarious that both of our POTC OCs ended up having the same name. :) Good work and update soon!
| JaxLass chapter 1 . 10/17/2009
Oh, you had a promising idea going until this line:
“My father,” she said shortly. “He died two years ago, and I took over.
Wrong, dear writer.
It's a well-documented fact that the pivotal position of captain on any pirate ship was not family entitlement. It was set as a crude democracy and some were killed while voting.
| Nytd chapter 1 . 10/9/2009
I admit that I was interested in your story, until you made the consummate mistake (in my book) of making your lead OC a 16 year old girl. I actually groaned out loud and did my best approximation of Barbossa's famous roll of the eyes. This gets done almost daily with PotC fiction on ffnet, and I find it very unbelievable. It immediately screams MarySue. You'll find stories with an unrealistic overly young female OC in general do very poorly with readers.
That is not to say that you can't write a story with a strong female OC, you just need to think out of the box and tread very carefully.
Writing and re-writing that tired old song in a story is so commonplace and trite now, whether or not it's in Spanish. I found reading it twice even more tiresome. Why not write your own song? Be creative and branch out! :)
I would constructively suggest that you go back and watch scenes in the movies where Barbossa has dialogue. (This is very helpful and obviously fun!) I found myself thinking that his manner of speaking here didn't really feel like his character all that much.
I will definitely give you the credit that is due for using great punctuation and grammar, especially with your dialgoue. This is typically an area when the vast majority of authors make very frequent errors, and young or new authors almost always get wrong. Thank you for spellchecking and for putting the proper names of ships in italics! You'd be surprised how many authors do neither.
Don't be afraid to write a longer chapter too. This is barely enough to give the reader time to see if they're interested in your story.
I would suggest making sure that you have your plot from start to finish at least soundly sketched out in your head. We see so many stories that start off this way by introducing (and supposedly surprising us with )a young teen female pirate, who is usually (unrealistically) as feared and respected as Jack Sparrow and Hector Barbossa, go ripping through 3 or 4 chaptes in a few days' time, and then never get completed because the author writes herself into a corner.
"And, worst of all...is the Fountain of Youth truly a fountain?"
On the surface this seems like an intriguing notion, but I'm a little leary of what the 'fountain' might be now that I've seen who your lead original character is. I hope I'm wrong in my assumptions.
You should definitely kep writing, but make sure you take the time to check out other stories that have young teen pirate captains in them; you'll find they all start to sound alike after a while. That way you can avoid duplicating others' mistakes with your character.
You can find online tests for whether or not your character is headed down the Mary Sue path. I will tell you that giving your character an unusual eye color like green, is a big no-no. (It seems as though all young teen female pirate captains have vivid green eyes. Or lavender -not really sure what's up with that.)
I'm glad to see that she doesn't have some rare exotic name like Cassiopeia, although the fact that her name is 'Lark' concerns me a bit, with one of the best known pirates in the story being Jack 'Sparrow'.
Some stuff to think about before you post your next chapter. Hope that you find this at least constructive, if not helpful.
| The Anonymous Photographer chapter 1 . 10/9/2009
I like it! Very good. I needed some pirates in my day. :)