|Reviews for In the Belly of the Beast|
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/9/2012
Are you ever going to update this story or is it on a permanent hiatus? Please continue with this story it is very good.
| SebiLeis chapter 6 . 10/23/2011
When are you continuing this?
| kilatails chapter 6 . 2/16/2011
YOu call this a nice cliffy? This is an evil cliffy! XO PLease update soon! Its really good! Ja ne!
| illuminatedflowerfield chapter 6 . 9/26/2010
D8 Gawd, continue! Continue~ Love the story. I love it. Even though I haven't seen those oldie charas, I still like it, You're really good~ Keep up the good work!
| cloverblade103 chapter 6 . 9/14/2010
i love yours its a really unique idea. i think that you should have them find a way to rescue tails while he's still in the robot. like they infiltrate the robot or something, but i'll be cool with whatever. cant wait till your next update.
| Saxcat20 chapter 5 . 5/20/2010
You've got a good story going here. Keep it up!
| Preist09 chapter 5 . 5/16/2010
Great Fiction, this is a riveting adventure that I would like to see continued; regardless of School or Tennis. Usually I would have a long-winded response to such a piece, but I'll keep it as succinct as I can. I mean, this is pretty much what would happen if Sega Sammy would have Eggman/Robotnik as a menacing force. I find it odd to mesh continuity such as this, where you have game canon: "Metal Sonic, Tails' House, Et Cetera" with SatAM's; such as: "Roboticize, Knothole, and Antoine". I noticed what I perceived as a typo for "Wretched" in chapter 4. Thank you and keep up the good work.
| ITman496 chapter 3 . 11/4/2009
noes... damn robotnic
| Sons of Ocelot chapter 3 . 11/3/2009
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! *squealing like 13 yo fangirl* I really do like this story! can you tell?
This chapter flows much nicer than the previous two. It still needs a little bit more work but really it's very nice to read now.
| ITman496 chapter 2 . 10/25/2009
NO! TAILS! WHY! *cries*
I love how you wrote this, I cant wait for chap 3
| Sons of Ocelot chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
Ok, I've read this second chapter and afterwards I feel that I agree with Lord Kelvin on most everything he said. Except unlike him I am going to tell you what the biggest thing I've noticed is, and I'm going to give an example.
Honestly, you do tend to repeat character names quite frequently and, while yes there are only so many things you can call Sonic characters, there is a simple way to fix that. Namely you could use descriptive nicknames that are commonly known (such as the "blue blur"), pronouns (he, she, they), and you could use things like "the hedgehog" when referring to Sonic or "the fox" for Tails. Also if referring to Sonic and Tails at the same time you could say "the duo", or something similar.
Another thing that I've noticed is your sentence structure. This is primarily the first thing I noticed when I read both chapters. You seem to use a lot of "simple" sentences and even though it isn't wrong or incorrect it does make the story choppy to read. Let's use your first paragraph of the second chapter as an example:
"Tails had awoke late the next day. He didn't really have much to do. He pondered going over and helping sonic and Amy, but then thought of Amy gushing about how awesome Sonic is nonstop and decided he had more than enough work for the day. He ate some breakfast, namely toast and some orange juice. Tails then went out to his 'hanger' to give the Tornado it's desperately needed tune up."
This is actually well written in that you spelled nothing wrong, but if you read it again you may notice that it seems a bit repetitive. Here is how I would rewrite it:
"Tails woke up late the next day. He didn't have too much to do, and considered going to help Sonic and Amy. However, the more he started to think about her babbling on about how the blue blur is so awesome, the more he started thinking he had enough to do already that day. So the little orange fox proceeded to eat his breakfast of toast and orange juice, and, when he finished, went outside to give the Tornado it's desperately needed tune-up."
I'm not saying to use exactly what I typed here. You are writing a K fic here so I don't expect a metric ton of complex sentences, but on the same token I think that even at this reading level you will want to change things up a bit.
I do want you to know that I absolutly love the plot of this fic, and that there were some very innovative descriptions that I believe no one but you could have come up with (referring to furniture stuffing as fluffy white gore...wow).
If you want me to proofread your chappies before they go up I would be more than happy to. Just send them to my e-mail and I'll send you back my suggestions or we could work something out like that. Outside of that I think this is a great story so far and can't wait for your next update. So do update as soon as possible...or I might EXPLODE!
| Lord Kelvin chapter 2 . 10/23/2009
Looks can be deceiving.
First, I thought you'd have a scripty story with lots of dialogue and little common sense. Then I clicked the second chapter and was given a decent surprise.
For hilarity sake, I searched the word "Tails" in chapter two. Got over forty results. What does that say to you? That's right! A date with thesaurus!
Also, script is illegal. As much as three lines in a note is enough for a week-long ban.
Now let's get down into the plot.
Your intro to chapter one is unimpressive for an experienced reader. Though, as a K, it would do for the smaller folks. My first surprise was Robotniks (add a possessive, won't you) plan with the different robot. You are awful in spelling things, though. Give this to your English teacher for a few rounds with a red pen. You Can afford fine language, can't you? Besides, it shows that you care about the audience. People love that! And express the love in fancy reviews.
Chapter two gave me mixed feelings. I could think it should be rated T for rather violent scenery with somewhat unimpressive vocabulary, but it also showed that you're able to narrate and describe action. Nearly half of your colleagues here cannot do that.
I'm somewhat interested in seeing what will happen later, which is a tremendous achievement. Provided you don't rush the plot into something silly, it will be a fine story. English, I'm sure, you'll learn eventually. The first steps might hurt, but when you make them, the rest will come smoother.
The audience will show you their gratitude.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| Ryuta13 chapter 2 . 10/22/2009
very good so far I can't wait to see what happens next. You've managed to capture each characters personality very well looking forward to more
| Sons of Ocelot chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
Hm...the characters seem right on par with how they are actually written for. And so far the only problems I've noticed have been some grammar and spelling mistakes. Someone has done her homework on this fandom and I'm quite pleased with what I have read so far.