|Reviews for About to Break|
| FlutteringLights chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
I cried so many manly tears. :'(
Really well-written. Wonderful job. :D
| YoSafBridge chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
That was awesome. I really needed an emotional release today and you provided it amazingly...I fucking *broke* when Mark was asking Roger to let him just pretend. And it was all beautifully in character, which I've noticed is a big problem with most Rent fanfictions.
**I did notice you wrote "loose it" instead of "lose" and figured I could point that out if you wanted to fix it. Common mistake, but it sorta brings me out of the story when I notice errors. There weren't many, which was REALLY nice to see as well.
| Dani chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
This story almost made me cry...but it was so beautiful! Well done
| crzyRENThead chapter 1 . 10/13/2009
. . . oh. my. gosh.
That was INTENSE! You should totally do something else with this story! like, continue it maybe? But that's just a suggestion. . . GREAT JOB ON YOUR FIRST FANFICTION!
| Defying.Expectations chapter 1 . 10/10/2009
Finally I get to see the reason behind all our random musical discussions! ;D
Okay. I'm going to start by saying that I don't read much RENT fan-fic. So, unlike HP or ST or any other fandom I'm -very- familiar with, I don't know the standard plot-lines, cliches, 'accepted' characterizations, etc, for the fandom.
What I DO know is that I love this fic.
The main reason I love it is the style it's written in. Either it's been a while since I've read any of your stuff, or you really branched out with this fic, because . . . woah. It was great. Just the way you worded it all . . . I loved how you kept repeating certain words and phrases throughout the whole fic, like motifs. One because, well . . . RENT -is- a musical. ;] And two because it really enhanced all of the emotions and characterizations and - well - everything! [I'm sorry. I'm not very coherent when I'm half-asleep. Just . . . bear with me, I'm trying xD]
The other main reason I love it is because you address the issue that has always sort of bothered me about RENT . . . that, even after the curtain falls, there isn't much of a resolution. I mean, yes, all of the characters are happier, and are determined to - despite their difficult pasts - work towards a future together. But really, they're all just right back where they were at the start of the musical: starving artists who can't pay their rent. And your story walks right up and admits, "Yeah. The musical might end, but there isn't a complete resolution." Don't get me wrong - I love RENT. But the lack of resolution has always . . . made me wonder . . . thank goodness for fan-fic, that's all I can say.
Characterizations, you ask? Overall, I thought they were brilliant. Mark's, of course, stood out as being the best, since we were seeing the whole thing from his PoV. But the others were good too. What I liked most about your characterizations were the little 'insights,' if you will. The tiny moments where you did "showing" in its purest form. Like when Mark fiddled with his jacket because he couldn't fiddle with his camera. Or when Maureen kicked Mark in the groin (ROFL). The only part that really stuck out as OOC to me was when Maureen had to be dragged out "nearly kicking and screaming" from the apartment. Sure, Maureen can be a brat, but she isn't completely insensitive/blind. I think she would've sensed that Mark and Roger had some things they needed to talk about.
Okay. Now I'm going to go into nit-picky mode. Hope you don't mind. ;D
-I don't think your first paragraph should be in past tense. I know you're establishing what has ALREADY happened, but it throws off the mood of the fic. Like, the whole theme of RENT is about living in the present (another reason this fic is great, by the way - writing it in present tense really emphasized that). Having that little tiny part in the past seems odd.
-"It was just mild cough." You need an 'a' before 'mild.'
-"But this time it’s not" I believe it should be, "But this time it doesn't."
-"When Mark’s alone and doesn’t have to hide his feelings away from others they burst out of him with a sudden, fierce intensity. All of a sudden he can’t seem to get enough air to his lungs" The repetition of "sudden" in these two lines felt unnecessary; I'd delete one of them.
-"and, oh my god, what if it’s over?”" God should be capitalized, since he's referring to the Jewish/Christian god.
-"“And I swear; it wasn’t too long ago that he had another little sickness.”" That shouldn't be a semi-colon. Comma, dash, or ellipse would all work though.
-"Mark gestures to the haughty retreating form. “Good luck with that,” he tells Joanne." I didn't really understand this part . . . like, I know that Mark is wishing Joanne luck because Maureen is difficult to deal with . . . but it seemed like a strange comment. I interpreted this fic as taking place at least three, maybe four or five, years after the musical ends, in which case Joanne and Maureen would've been dating for several years now. To wish someone luck with their partner of that long just seems . . . odd to me.
-The entire bit following that too - where Maureen and Roger are glaring/yelling at each other - felt weird too. Mainly because there was hardly any description during that little part, just dialogue . . . for most of the fic you had this awesome dialog/description balance, but it was all very bam-bam-bam during that part. I felt like I was 'missing' something while reading it.
-"“Besides taking him to a doctor or to a hospital I’ve got nothing,” she says." Grammar error. "Have" and "got" do not need to both be in the same sentence. "But Anna," I can hear you cry, "I've seen you write 'have got' in your ST fic!" Yes, and a little piece of me dies inside each time. But Nellie is a lowerclass woman without formal education, and thus doesn't adhere to correct grammar rules all the time. Joanne, however, is an educated woman. If one of the other RENT characters used "have got," I'd cringe but wouldn't comment . . . but Joanne is a bit more "well-bred," if you will, than the rest of the crew.
-"“But, Mark, I thought I you were going to use that to fix your camera!” Maureen interjects." The 'i' after 'thought' needs to be deleted.
-"“But-” Maureen tries again; before Joanne cuts her off." That should be a comma, not a semi-colon. They aren't two distinct sentences/thoughts.
-"“I just...loose it when I think about it being the end.”" Lose suffer/misplace/give up. LoOse unshackled/free. Makes the sentence rather different, no? ;]
Wow. This turned out much longer than I thought it'd be. Sorry. Didn't mean to write you an essay. ;D Okay, in conclusion - great job, Morgan.
| TwoCentsForFree chapter 1 . 10/10/2009
I thought this was absolutely amazing. I found it hard to believe that this was your first RENT fic while I was reading it. Very well done. And please write more soon. You're quite good. 0)