|Reviews for high school reunion bryan|
| Tuli-Susi chapter 1 . 10/23/2011
Where to start?
1. This is not West Side Story. They do have a section for miscellaneous fandoms, and I strongly suggest that you move this story there - it has been two years
2. This is really hard to read. You have all the sentences running together, you've never started a new paragrpah even tough the first 5 lines or so have about three different scenes.
3. Your writing is very stilted, I recognized this right away because I used to write this way too.
4. You have some very insignificant actions detailed. For example: "Then I read it." That really didn't need to be elaborated unless it had some exciting and unique details. (examples include, but are not limited to: I read it with great excitement/I read it slowly, not believing the words/etc)
5. You don't exactly have the best grammar, your 'tense' tends to jump around a bit.
6. Don't start a sentence with the word 'and', and certainly not consecutive sentences. Not unless you're making a point, and it's usually used in humour or parody: They stood in fear. And horror. And terror.
7. The story was basically an elongated list of the nararator's friends and what they were doing. In otherwise, rather dull.
8. I doubt that this can be considered a story as it has no plot, no conflict and you barely have more than an idea.
9. Is English your first language? If not, ask a friend or beta-reader (you can find them on this site) to look over your work, just like you would do when writing an essay for class.
10. I don't mean for you to stop writing, just think it through a little more next time. Good Luck.
| x-blindingdarkness chapter 1 . 10/13/2010
this is not west side story. awful.
| sfbxfcb chapter 1 . 10/6/2010
| caramel729cucumber chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
Umm... where exactly is the link to West Side Story here?
| Agent Striker chapter 1 . 4/28/2010
how is this west side story?