|Reviews for Between my Brother and Me|
| Julia's.Fantasy chapter 29 . 2/2
Please update this!
| Julia's.Fantasy chapter 28 . 2/2
Wow, Raphael has gone mad!
| ThePegasusDevice chapter 28 . 8/30/2014
If Ash got a card for every Pokemon, legendary or not (Lucario) , that he's helped out he would be unstoppable.
| ThePegasusDevice chapter 7 . 8/29/2014
What about the Deoxys that Max befriended in the anime? Will it appear?
| ThePegasusDevice chapter 1 . 8/28/2014
Manaphy and Jirachi! Great idea!
| killian.rainey chapter 6 . 3/26/2014
quick question why did may and max have 4000 life points while yugi had 8000?
| killian.rainey chapter 2 . 3/21/2014
will may and mai duel again? this time without any darkness to worry about?
| killian.rainey chapter 3 . 3/20/2014
i kinda wish you showed the duel with yugi vs. grerimo. it would have been cool to see max see yugi duel obelisk
| killian.rainey chapter 1 . 3/20/2014
i really love this story. will there be a chapter 30?
| killian.rainey chapter 29 . 2/11/2014
just so you'll know: King's Knight attack power is really 1600/1400. just want to let you know
| killian.rainey chapter 29 . 12/28/2013
I hope you get to continue the story it was getting really good
| RandomNumbers523156 chapter 1 . 10/14/2013
A Pokémon/Yu-Gi-Oh crossover, huh? That should be interesting, though I’m only familiar with YGO by the abridged series (so I suppose Leviathan is part of Dartz’s arc). Also, I never liked how Max never got a Pokémon in the series, there are a lot of children small like him that have Pokémon and yet he hasn’t because of yadayadaya-plot, so it’s pretty cool for him to have one, a Shuppet; kind of Deus ex Machina, but I have no problem. Usually Ghost Pokémon seems to be kind of harder to train, but Max is dedicated, he’ll do it.
Pokémon speak is something hard to capture in a fanfic (imagine Hamlet with Pokémon – a Cubone holding a skull and saying “Cubo ne bo…” hehe), though I believe you can tell us whenever a Pokémon is speaking, unless when it’s important, then you can show.
And they know that May and Max have a great power, makes me wonder how exactly they’re going to use it. Thus you’re merging both universes; they have in common that they both revolve around something, Pokémon or Duel Monsters.
“Deep within the basement of the Petalburg Gym” it’d be good if you showed there was an opening or else it gets weird, something deep in the basement getting moonlight. I liked it was dialogue-heavy, to tell the truth, it was an interesting read, keep going!
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 4 . 10/8/2013
You hurt Shuppet?! Poor cute little Shuppet... I'm a little partial towards ghost types. :) I'm glad to see someone tried to stop that duel, even if they didn't succeed.
I know they tend to shout a lot in duels, but I would recommend you don't use exclamations in every statement (or almost every statement). It lowers the effectiveness when you do need to emphasise certain statements.
["...learned it the hard way." Keith replied] should be "...hard way," Keith replied. You've done that a bit too.
Keith's thoughts also aren't really matching up to his actions; personally, I think it would be easier to stick to omnipresent May's POV; that way you can avoid discreptancies between Keith's thoughts and actions and leave May to try and catch his facial expressions.
Your duel is very easy to follow, which I applaud you for, particularly since you're transitioning through the turns as they should.
-) - You worked that into the text earlier; one or the other would be better.
Also, why doesn't May use Dark Horus' special effect. Dark Horus was still on the field when Keith played his Spell card.
The spell card's special ability works even after May destroyed it outside of battle? That's unusual, so it would be worth mentioning in the explanation.
Lol, all the typical cards are showing up. Monster Reborn, Pot of Greed...I'm expecting Negate Attack soon.
Ritual Weapon huh. Hard to believe Atem is a level 6 or below. :)
Ah, there's Negate Attack.
[...canon turned blue...the effect was successful. ] - isn't it two reds to make it successful?
Zoa? I'm reminded of Zorc. Is it the same card?
Lol, May plays first and counts later and it somehow works.
I'm half-thinking May's gotten possessed over the course of this duel, maybe with her goddess personality or something. She's certainly acting more confident than she should be, going off how she is in contests.
Nice to see her reacting to that soul being sucked out; it adds a nice realistic twist to the whole affair, although it's over quite fast.
Hehe, Joey screams. That's quite amusing to see. And Raphael knocks out Blaziken.
Yay, May captures Altaria. Funny, seeing as how I have very different plans for the Altaria my May catches.
And Ash gets his mention. :) Nice place to put it.
Ending the chapter on Yugi's confusion (and that little bit at the end)? Poor Yugi. Interesting chapter; things developed...not unexpectedly, but interesting all the same.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 3 . 10/1/2013
May's surprise is quite strong at the start of this chapter, and the Pharoah's calm demeanour is really good in offsetting that.
["Great evil is coming...does this have to do with Manaphy and Samiya?"] - "A great evil" perhaps? I can see why May's mind would automatically jump to Manaphy - nice job in merging the two worlds while showing tidbits of both. I don't think I remember Samiya though.
[From what she could see, it was if they were holding hands and smiling...how cute.] - "how cute" sounds like a sentence (of sorts) on its own, or a thought, so it seems a little odd to be in ellipses there.
[Some goddess I am. She said in her mind. ] - should be "Some goddess I am, she said in her mind."
["Is something wrong?" A voice asked her.] - lowercase "a" - and "a voice" implies it's not one that's already been introduced, aka. not Atem. But May doesn't seem surprised at all, making me think it is Atem after all.
[Then, Manaphy, The Prince of the Sea appeared to me] - you don't need the comma after "then", but you do need one after "...of the Sea"
Crayon perfectly interprets her dream - that's very interesting, especially since I was explecting glossier pictuers.
Now she realises someone's holding her. Lol, typical teenage reaction really helps put things back into its more mystical perspective. Kura? You meed Thief King Bakura? Kura does sound a lot cuter. And his dialogue is certainly interesting, even if it doesn't quite align with what I remember of him (I prefer Hikari no Bakura anyway). And Kuriboh shows up. Yay.
["Yes, 'Farrow'," Kura asked] - *giggles*
You make the story-time a very interesting mix of seriousnless and childishness, particularly with turning the pages for the story. A ery interesting touch.
[ Atem, in response to that, shoved one of the cards to his "friend's" chest.] - since we're switching over from Kura, it would be better if that's in a separate paragrap.
Nice description of the cards; I don't think I've seen a fanfic author pay attention to the colours before.
Interesting cards. I'm guessing it's not Kaibaman. Maybe it's the reincarnations of Yugi, Joey and Kaiba from 10,000 years ago? When the Leviathan was first fought?
[Are you alright?"
"Well, a bit." She replied. ] - interesting reply.
And we're back with the rest of the story, including what happened to Manaphy. And Jirachi too huh. I wonder what other old friends will show up.
Information wise, there's a bit much in this chapter, even for someone familiar with both fandoms. Considering the explanation got interrupted, I would suggest splitting the chapter there, maybe fleshing out a few filler-points, and continuing the rest of the explanation on a new chapter.
And Max can see/has seen the Pharoah. Lol.
Now there are three "halves" wondering around. Oh dear. It's good to see Bakura having a middle ground, but I wonder what you're going to do about Atem.
Aww, Vigoroth was so cute. *wants to hug it*. I wonder if Max will be able to handle it though; playing around is one thing, but how much does Vigoroth respect an inexperienced trainer when it comes to battling? That should be interesting to see.
Ooh, the cable car. Another thing I rarely see in fanfiction.
And we're finally seeing the other YGO side. You've got the accent in; isn't that a pain to do?
Yugi isn't himself. I wonder if this has anything to do with the Dark Atem that the Light Atem mentioned. Whether he has his memories or not is also confusing me still at this point.
[do not do anything...] - helpful Kura.
["I am known as Solomon Muto, grandson of the famous Yugi Muto. ] - that's grandfather. :)
A gravekeeper deck. That should be interesting, but I wonder how she'll handle the handicap of being blocked from her graveyard.
Spell counters used to be my favourite when I started playing the game. Yay for nostalgia. :) I prefer fairy archetypes nowadays, particularly fairy counter and the herald ones, but I still have my old spell counter one saved somewhere. And I'm getting totally off topic.
Dark Magician Girl? That's a good way to sneak her in without giving her card away. And an explanation of booster packs as well; somehow that's another explanation I never see.
Solomon is certainly eager to help these two. :) I wonder if he's sensed more than he's telling and I should just chalk it up to old man wisdom.
A fake Ra in Yugi's house. What in the world does that mean.
Oh, I remember this scene from the season. Poor Blaziken.
["Hold on Téa," said Yami. "I don't think it means any harm. Do you?" ] - honestly Yami? That's a little nonsensical for him, considering his speech is normally so refined.
[Taj Mahal, the pyramids of Giza and the Eiffel Tower] - not sure about this, but should the "pyramids" be in capital?
And May gets kidnapped after all of that. That is a little cliched, particularly since light Atem didn't do anything to help with that.
And May has to duel when she hasn't duelled before? I'm personally hoping for a gate-crasher.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 2 . 9/15/2013
Same as last time. :)
Aww, that Shuppet is so cute. It's unusual to see ghost types like that, but it's a pleasant change.
Since Shuppet hasn't actually seen the Maple residence before, it might be better for Max to introduce Shuppet to the house as opposed to simply say "we're home"...unless he's talking to May. You do say "replied to the ghost Pokemon" though.
[and out stood Max ] - out stood?
Aww, family reunions are always so sweet.
["That's so sweet." She replied] - "...sweet," she replied. You've done that a few other places as well, eg. "Shuppet!" The - should be a lowercase.
Wow, you really got May and Max's excitement about being home nice and strong. Great job. :) It really comes out of the page.
[Hidden amongst the lush trees and bushes, May and Max walked inside to see the Slakoth, Vigoroth and Slaking coming up to greet them. ] - odd sentence structure; it almost sounds as if May and Max are the ones hiding.
Lol, Skitty and Eevee are having a cat-fight. An interesting pair to choose, but it really does look adorable.
And May's Poke blocks to the rescue.
[since you won't be heading off to Johto, why not you head off to Domino City before then?"] - before heading off to Johto? Then that first "won't" shouldn't be there.
So here's some integration of the two worlds. I wonder how long it'll take before May's unconscious memories really start to creep Max out.
This is the same Atem from yugioh? He doesn't have his memories during the Dartz arc though, so he should have simply introduced himself as "Pharoah"? It's certainly interesting to see someone in between the rank of a Pharoah and that of the Egyptian Gods...since Atem certainly has a different sort of reverence in his treatment of her. :) Atem does seem a little softer than I would expect there, but I'll put that to Yugi's influence.
Interesting development. I wonder how you'll further integrate these two worlds.