|Reviews for Graveyard Shift|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/16/2013
Oh God, one of these...
Hey, this isn't bad...
| RandomNumbers523156 chapter 8 . 5/23/2012
I've been looking for a ME novelization, because I think I'll never have the opportunity to actually play the game but the plot is simply interesting and I must congratulate you for this initiative, it can be read as an original novel. I hope you be able to update someday, keep going!
| Frosty Wolf chapter 8 . 5/12/2012
Nice, not sure why Shepard is listed as female on the characters tab, but pretty good.
| Wulfenbach chapter 8 . 3/21/2012
*sigh* why couldn't you update? Are you dead?
| Aronim chapter 8 . 2/15/2012
You write some good stuff, that's for sure. I really enjoyed reading this and I really love your biotic Shepard. You intro on the Skyllian Blitz was particularly well written.
In general you write some very intelligent action scenes and some very natural dialogue and your efforts to convert the game to written medium really pay of. You've really managed to smooth out the more blatant things that only works in a game.
Depicting different characters' actions at the same time makes the universe come alive, in particular your juggling of the simultaneous actions of Wrex, Tali and Shepard was good.
You need to be a little more careful and imaginative with your descriptions though. When describing the same kind of group or the same person several times throughout your narrative, you use almost the same description and that is really obvious when your story is read in almost one sitting.
For example, you make it obvious that it's people from the same group that attacks several people in the latest chapters, but it gets a little tedious the third time you describe a turian as painted to look like the jaws of a predator. It's a good description, but making each description more unique while still showing that they have the same markings would do wonders. So try to vary your descriptions more, even when describing the same kind of thing.
You are also somewhat repetitive at times. For example:
"Shepard," Udina said, AT A LOSS FOR WORDS for a second. "What's going on here?"
"Making your day Ambassador," Shepard replied, unable to hide the satisfaction in his voice. "We've got proof Saren is a traitor."
"I . . .you do?" Udina asked, AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. Shepard nodded. "I see. Actionable evidence, I assume?"
Here you use the exact words for Udina twice in a row, and that's really obvious. This kind of repeat is a mistake you are a little prone to do.
Not that you do it all the time, but repetition is your most common mistake, so try to be more aware of that and you would improve quickly.
Hope you don't think I'm harsh, 'cause I only point it out because I care. Update soon please.
| templar627 chapter 8 . 8/21/2011
Wrex grenade launcher yesssss
| Phygmalion chapter 8 . 8/19/2011
Fantastic job! I love how you handled the narrative flow and the characterization in this story, as well as the combat scenes. You definately seem to know what you are talking about! I hope there's another chapter in the works - this story deserves to be continued!
| KuroKage1717 chapter 1 . 5/24/2011
Just had to say...LOVE the first part of this prologue. That was the best battle scene I've read in a long time - thoroughly enjoyable. I'll come back to read more, but I'm unfortunately on a lunch break. (:
| Incoqnito chapter 7 . 4/5/2011
Elcor are slow .. masseffect . wikia wiki/Elcor#Biology
| eventyraren chapter 8 . 3/14/2011
I like Tali too. so is you going to do anything more? update soon ok.
| ClarkesLaw chapter 4 . 3/6/2011
Only a semantic problem: Biotic powers add a kinetic effect to the universe through what could be explained as manipulation of the higgs field. They aren't a "warping of reality" or a "rewrite of the laws of physics", just an altered mass of spacetime.
| The Silent Orator chapter 8 . 1/31/2011
I see from your profile that this story is on hold. I really hope you can update this one soon. You sir, have some serious talent in writing.
| The Silent Orator chapter 1 . 1/31/2011
I've only read the first chapter, and already, I'm in awe. Thank you for writing this.
| Animus of Masada chapter 8 . 12/24/2010
Wow, this is some incredible stuff. Your writing is amazing and engaging. I really wish you hadn't stopped updating this months ago...
| Thomas chapter 8 . 11/11/2010
Nice story so far, I hope you continue this.