|Reviews for Better in the Dark|
| SakuraKoi chapter 2 . 1/29/2015
| SakuraKoi chapter 1 . 1/29/2015
| acetwolf94 chapter 21 . 11/17/2014
NICE! I LOVE IT!
| MGO chapter 21 . 11/16/2014
I liked this story a lot. Though you forgot one small plot line.
You forgot to explain how Lily had been Voldemort's daughter.
| Stasia Ravenclaw chapter 21 . 10/12/2014
amazing loved it
| 27ShadesOfElliePotter chapter 21 . 10/11/2014
Usually I'm not a fab of these type fics (Harry dark etc) however this has opened me up to a whole new world of fanfiction. Thank you, amazing story.
| Stasia Ravenclaw chapter 9 . 10/11/2014
i am confused in an earlier chapter you mention they can't get in to Grimmauld Place because they need Harry but in this chapter you mention Walburga's Portrait which is located at Grimmauld Place
| Sheiky81 chapter 14 . 8/26/2014
Love the story. The only thing I dont like is how easy Harry has giving in. Not only about how his family dont seem to belive him or trust him and also how he lets Draco dominate him. Yes he suppose to be the sub, but he always held in to his belives and fought for them. I dont see him being so accomodating to ppl that he just found out were family specialy with him being abuse. I would have taken time and not as fast as it has happend. Other than that I think is a great story.
| ShinoHina4eva chapter 5 . 8/17/2014
And the emotions are catching up! I was curious as to how Charlie managed to calm Harry/Ciaran. I suppose we shall see!
| ShinoHina4eva chapter 3 . 8/17/2014
Alright, the pacing is slowing, which is good. I like that we got some insight into Harry/Ciaran's head. Your writing is steadily improving. There is still quite a bit of telling, but there is also some showing now as well.
| ShinoHina4eva chapter 2 . 8/17/2014
Woah woah woah. Alright. So. You covered a lot of ground this chapter, but again with the telling!
You don't go into any detail about how he feels about being betrayed by his two best friends (up to that point), or even how he found out. He's just like, 'meh, I'm over it', which is extremely jarring to readers. Also, yet another infodump chapter.
Third, we get a list of people taking money from him. Why? We can't empathize with Harry/Ciaran at this point because he's just breezing through this life-changing information like he doesn't give a shit. If you want to make all these people the bad guys, fine. But give us some detail! Show us him finding out, don't tell us! McGonagall's his Head of House, and Ron and Hermione are his (apparently former) best friends. That's a giant breach of trust on all their parts! Show that! And again with his allies. Don't tell us he trusts them, show us. Give us scenes where they prove to him that they're on his side! Especially Charlie. Where did he come from? Why him? What about Bill and Percy? And as far as Ginny goes, if you want her to be a dislikeable character, show us that! Don't just dump on us, 'hey, she's been stealing from him too.' Is she actively betraying him, or has her mother been manipulating her? Or is it some combination of the two? For that matter, where's Arthur in this mess?
You showed Molly fretting over him at the Order meeting! Good! Do more of this! Make us want to love or hate the characters by how you portray them, don't just tell us we should.
| ShinoHina4eva chapter 1 . 8/17/2014
A good start, but you have way too much telling, and not enough showing. Believe me, I know how damn boring it can be to flesh out the beginning when your mind is on the rest of the plot, but a good beginning is what hooks readers, who aren't in your head.
Nonetheless, your premise is a promising one. I look forward to reading more.
| Rabunga chapter 21 . 7/27/2014
I have read many "Harry to the dark side" & "Snape is his father" fanfics but I really liked where you went with this one and I have never heard a cooler will reading! Love the story :)
| Dark potter ftw chapter 16 . 7/15/2014
I really like this chapter. I enjoyed the orders reaction and think another funnier way would have been to give them one Knut since it was what they were worth
| DZ2 chapter 10 . 7/3/2014
I liked Charlie's lesson: his classroom sounds like my place; dragons everywhere you look! Guess that's my curse for being dragon MAD!