|Reviews for Iceberg|
| miarella chapter 2 . 11/18/2011
The problem was not so much the grammar as the way you use your words. It's rather queer and extremely wrong. This stoy would have potential if not for the improper English.
| miarella chapter 1 . 11/18/2011
Thi is actually quite good. Great,even. I jut have a few notes on grammar and some conctructive criticm. I know you've already completed this story, but advice alays helps. You haven't been adding punctuation at the end of quotations and that would help a lot with description and how said character said the line. Also, since you're writing in Astoria's point of view, she wouldn't say ''cause' instead of 'because' simply since she is British and that is a rather proper country, let alone eraised by a proper, elegant Pureblood family so that is a mark against OOCness.
| Mouse and Stupid Productions chapter 5 . 11/22/2010
I feel that given the opportunity Draco would have helped the good guys. And Astoria definitely would have
| Mouse and Stupid Productions chapter 2 . 11/22/2010
One, I like it. Two, I like the irony of Ginny joining CC, but she actually joins the holly head harpies, the only all women's team in the uk... Sorry, if you knew that I like the change. If you didn't I like it anyway
| dippyn chapter 11 . 6/12/2010
I know it's a kinda-late review, but I love the plot of the story! Well-planned and I love how you stick to each characters' personality... You don't plan the story just for the pleasure of writing romantic scenes. I really love that, not many writers are like that...
But personally I think the way you write Draco and Astoria's relationship process is too fast. And the way you write scenes is just too fast. Like when you write Darco and Astoria's fake betrothal and break up in 2 chapters, you could've wrote more, perhaps about Astoria's thoughts about the Malfoys, and vice versa. By adding the characters' thoughts, we can have more clue on the characters' personalities and their impression to what's going on.
And you don't give a clue at whose POV you are writing with everytime you write with a new POV. Also, you don't give a clue at how long it has passed in the story since the last scene happened. You write it in the mid-part of the new scene, and it makes me confused.
One more thing is that after a character says something, you often don't give any information on whose words are those from, which makes me guessing. It's fine if the conversation is happening within 2 people, but when it comes to more than 2 people, it becomes confusing...
Despite those things, you wrote an excellent story! And knowing that your native language is French, you have a very good knowledge of English! I really appreciate those who spend their effort on writing, since I can't write myself. I am really sorry if I'm being rude, please don't take it as an insult or anything... I bare no ill will in writing this reaview...
Anyway, I hope to see a reply from you!
| Love From A Muggle chapter 11 . 2/26/2010
| Love From A Muggle chapter 10 . 2/26/2010
I liked how you ended it. You are very creative with your birthday gift ideas.
| Love From A Muggle chapter 9 . 2/26/2010
I didn't think your Draco was out of character. I've always thought he was somewhat nice to the other Slytherins.
| Love From A Muggle chapter 8 . 2/26/2010
Did Astoria look beautiful in her dress? I wondered what it looked like.
Also, I'm glad Draco's in character when he was rude to Harry and Ginny.
| Love From A Muggle chapter 7 . 2/26/2010
"I never disappoint a woman."
Another good Draco line. I like your Draco. And I liked how this chapter ended. Such sisterly love!
| Love From A Muggle chapter 6 . 2/26/2010
wow! I loved the action in this chapter.
| Love From A Muggle chapter 5 . 2/26/2010
"I know the sight of my beautiful chest makes people forgot about everything, but you are here for a reason. So tell me."
Such a Draco thing to say! Loved this line. Good Chapter.
| emLILYEVANS chapter 11 . 1/27/2010
This story has been great all the way. I'm sorry it's over.
| spannieren chapter 11 . 1/25/2010
aw cute story :)
| ACCT REMOVED chapter 11 . 1/24/2010
I HAVE FINISHED! I read the whole thing in one sitting. So that must mean I really liked it right? Okay I really did like it XD. The only thing I didn't understand was why they didn't get married earlier. It made me sad. Anyway great peice/piece (I'm horrible with spelling). I liked it very much :)