|Reviews for the gospel of choking on glass|
| Anna3422 chapter 1 . 4/1
That last line was like a punch in the gut! It's beautifully written.
"And he never would have said it, but it was his life or theirs, and they were damned regardless." - Poor Peter. I'm sure we underestimate how much terror and torture he went through at the hands of Voldemort. Given other circumstances, he could have been a good man. But your next line " . . . this is a mistake he can't get away from," hits hard. It conveys a kind of sickening regret that I don't know how to describe in words.
Your title is inspired!
| ShadowDeity'sFire chapter 1 . 12/2/2015
Hey there, this story was in the Reviews Lounge Too archive and decided to check it out. First of all, I loved the way you categorized everything into sections to show the varying layers of Peter’s regret. I would actually suggest expanding the first part about ‘appearance,’ because there’s much you could utilize for that and enhance the flow there. The flowers are a beautiful symbolism, so why not add onto that?
[the truth of…she had] you’ve conveyed a lot with this line, perhaps breaking into two sentences for readability? This part was great to show Peter’s often hesitant nature, and his regret of Lily reminded by the smell of shampoo, which shows the magnitude to which he was attentive to Lily’s behavior.
Its interesting to hear from his perspective that ‘James had more than anyone should,’ which was a sutble hint at one more person feeling James didn’t deserve her. It also nicely contrasts Peter’s own hesitant nature. The settling for someone else just to ease the pain was subtly described. [he remembers….wide open] I’d suggest deconstructing this line also to increase the flow. A suggestion I do have is showing more ‘feel’ for Hortensia, because she came across more through appearances and physical rather than feel.
[regret sounds a lot like silence] this conveyed so much in so few words- this really hits at Peter’s character. The ending did great at describing a dead corpse without being overly graphic. Nice job!
| Legendary Biologist chapter 1 . 12/1/2015
Hi! Fandom blind, but I'll do my best.
The little poetic pieces between some paragraphs are very, very stylish. It uses the five senses, followed with very nice similes and metaphors afterwards. Regrets. Regrets are complex feelings to be described through five senses, and you did it pretty well!
The first one hints that the source of Peter's regret is Lily. I like that it's conveyed through Lily's appearance, which works just well with the sense 'sight.' After that, the second one is smell. Shampoo. It is (fandom blind; excuse me if things go wrong here) probably how Lily smells, which reminds Peter of his regrets. The third one, because it's 'feels,' hearts sinking works well there! And then, sound. I think this is the most effective one; James laughing and teasing Peter just sorta rubs salt into the wound. Also, the fifth one: taste. It's also as great. Fear, betrayal, and especially tears are very fitting for it. And the last one, back to look. Broken charms, empty eyes, and polished granite just work so very well.
The whole story is rather melancholic, and I really like how Peter's character is. He's flawed. He is cowardly, unable to say anything to Lily. Especially when he marries Lily, he actually doesn't really want to, but he just can't. Of course, if he has had more courage to speak to Lily earlier, he may not have had to face such regrets. This makes him sympathetic as a character.
A couple of things regarding the poetic pieces:
- Third: I wonder what Hortensia has in relation to the 'feel' sensation. Based on the following paragraphs, Hortensia comes across as 'look' to me, because her appearance is described.
- Fourth: I think grass swaying is a visual instead of sound, unless the blades of grass brush against something.
- Sixth: Although the last bit about dead girls and writhing maggots provides great visualizations, I think it's sorta redundant. Broken charms and empty eyes are already enough IMHO.
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 1 . 11/30/2015
Hi there, reviewer from the Reviews Lounge, Too. So excited to hear about things from Pettigrew’s perspective.
First, way you introduce Lily, by her physical description and also the flower. That was so poetic. It definitely gives off a feeling of regret.
You we’ve in Peter’s regret over Lily and also his own personal insecurities so well, in a way that helps to explain why he betrayed Lily. You can tell he doesn’t hate her, moreso that he respects her.
You can also sense his resentment of James. Which is not something I fully got through canon, but it makes sense.
In the end, it is the fact that Peter doesn’t have enough confidence or sense of self to be able to stand up and do what’s right, rather he caves because its them or me and spends the rest of his life regretting it. While I’m angry at him, he really is a pitiable character. The way you wrote the words “lily” in the end also had this beautiful, sad quality to it.
Overall, such a great use of all the senses to convey Peter’s impression of regret.
| rebecca-in-blue chapter 1 . 11/19/2015
This is a really beautifully-done story. I love how you broke it into a section for each of the senses, and how each section delved a little deeper into Peter's love, jealousy, and regret. You're very skilled in how you actually create a little sympathy for such a hated character; this comes across best in the "smells like" section, where he can't get up the nerve to talk to Lily in the library. He's so endearingly nervous there (a bit reminiscent of young Neville) and the glimpse of Alice is a nice touch, too.
The "feels like" section is similarly good in actually making me angry at James. When you described him "bowing and bragging," he really did sound just like the cocky prat that Snape always described him as. (And speaking of Snape, I'll admit that I lol'ed a bit when I read Peter/Lily, thinking, between Snape, James, and Peter, who wasn't in love with that girl?)
My one complaint would have to be the final words, "dead girls with maggots writhing in their ribcages," because it felt kinda melodramatic/over-the-top. Overall, though, really wonderful work!
| BlueberryPapercuts chapter 1 . 5/26/2012
Powerful! I'm mindblown.
| heygodcomplex chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
oh. um. this is absolutely fantastic.
| deathpale chapter 1 . 11/6/2010
That was intense! I really liked it even though I don't like the pairing much. Beautiful piece.
| iMissHP chapter 1 . 9/13/2010
wow, just wow. I'm glad you recommended me that story. I rarely (never) read Peter stories, but yours is really amazing. In a way it kinds of justify canon.
It reminded me a little of Snape, with the unrequited love and James in the picture. But the tone of your fic, the thoughts of your Peter make him so unique. Almost likable.
This is a brilliant fic, I loved it!
| Jemennuie chapter 1 . 2/9/2010
This is great, one of my favs I'd say. The last line especially is particularly powerful because the ending words are so strong: there's no painting over the fact that Lily's dead.
| insaneprincess chapter 1 . 2/8/2010
Oh, my god.
So, I've never even thought of this couple.
But this, is BEAUTIFUL.
Th format, and the subtlety and the sadness and the beauty. It's incredible. Amazing, amazing story.
| Luna Rapunzel chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
I love Peter's characterization, the incorporation of the five senses, and the repetition of (lily) after the first and last "pieces". The title is pure genius, too.
| FearOfDeathIsIllogical chapter 1 . 11/23/2009
A great story. Very well written.
| CherryFlavoredChalk chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
It's difficult to explain how astonishing this piece is, Kelsey. Like, really difficult. I think my favorite part of this is the bit about James and Lily being damned regardless...I've got a feeling (Oohh-oh. How inapproriate. This is not the time or the place for Black Eyed Peas. D:)that most people would try to change Peter's part. They might be all "Oh, tee-hee, my name is Pettigrew and I secretly saved Lily but I let James, that bastard, hang 'cause I wanted his woman". But that's not how it went, it really isn't.
Applause, applause (& ). I'm so glad you're back. I missed you, quite terribly.
| thelightningstrike chapter 1 . 10/22/2009
Oh gosh, how powerful. That was really, really wonderful. I love unrequited love and you wrote it so flawlessly. A really stunning piece.