|Reviews for The Pit|
| T'Mu-Yor chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Loved the story... very AU and OOC but a good story none the less. I was a band geek... not all through high school... middle school 2 years... and was in guard junior year (was gonna be in it senior year but our band teacher was a jerk and wouldn't allow people graduating midterm to be in band at all) I played Tiphani for 1/2 a year because we had so many clarinets and not enough percussion to cover them so i volunteered. Loved it would love to see more of it.
| tomboy14 chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Edward was so cute as a band geek. So...adorkable! I love that term, "adorkable."
The inclusion of Star Wars was very funny (I kept thinking "Luke, I am your father..." in the Darth Vader voice). But I also enjoyed the more serious part where Edward told Bella about his birth Dad and Mom.
Awesome entry, and good luck in the contest!
| sammy55 chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Aww! The ending was so cute! I loved it!
| Thats-So-Alex chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
You Absolutley Perfected Nerd Edward, Really!
Amazing! :D It Was So Cute As Well! :)
| Lady Dragona chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
I loved this. My sister was in band forever. We had to go to every game even though none of us watched the game just the band :)
I loved how the relationship between Edward and Bella grew from their first meeting to first kiss. I always see Edward as being very musical.
I also loved all of the Star Wars. You must know that I love Chewie.
| jennyelf chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Love it, love it, love it! So awesome, especially the kiss at the end. :)
| supers22 chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Really enjoyed this story - at first I was worried it was going to be a bit cliched - but after the first few intro bits I thought you really made Bella and Edward your own. The marching band setting was original and definitely a perfect area for geeky edward! I liked that Bella was more confident but didn't try to rush him, and that she gave some great Star wars commentary! I also liked that you wrote in 3rd person, as I feel it allows for a better one-shot most of the time, especially in terms of allowing time to pass - which I felt you also handled well - it covered a period of a few months, but still felt like the reader was well informed with how their interaction progresses.
| GOOGLEWARD CHALLENGE chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
Thank you for entering the GOOGLEWARD challenge, and good luck in the rest of the contest!
| Crispy Anakin chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
That was very sweet, I especially enjoyed the Star Wars references. Great job.
| Justine Lark chapter 1 . 10/27/2009
I love this story so much. Awkward, geeky Edward is the cutest thing ever. The main thing I recommended to improve the story is what you had already begun to do; I wish I could take more credit for how delightful and satisfying this is. I hope you will continue the story after you win the contest. I'm dying to know how things go for Edward and Bella once they're a couple!
Some of my favorite lines:
"could lead to putting out an eye - whether her own or someone else's was anyone's guess"
"Everything about her looked new, even her nose"
"It could have been Charlie Brown’s mother speaking to her..."
"“You’re in my seat.” Were inexplicably the only words that came out of his mouth."
"But why did that thought even occur to him?"
"Just when his throat felt like Darth Vader had it in a Force grip, he heard the six most beautiful words ever."
"Edward did not want to contemplate Princess Leia's lack of...support...with Bella."
"Esme didn’t miss it though, nor did she resist sending an enthusiastic text to Carlisle."
"“That was some show, Bella,” Charlie remarked."