|Reviews for Midnight Writer RW1|
| Nlresda123 chapter 3 . 12/6/2014
Why do you want to rewrite this story? It's amazing!
| cerebral-assassin08 chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
Well, you seem to off to a good start with this. The only problem I see, is that your word choice and the number of adjectives you have included, as well as subsequent grammar for multiple adjectives. Please allow me to elaborate.
For example, the box ghost found the ebony floor "mesmerizing". Does this mean that the black floor was attempting to hipnotize the box ghost, or was the case that the box ghost did not want to meet the gaze of his superior. If it is the former, then term is appropriate, however if it is the latter, I would suggest using a different word, as the word suggests that the floor was incredibly interesting and grabbed the ghost's attention. I know it seems like a nit pick, but it is the small things like this that can disrupt the pacing of a scene or description.
Another example would be the number of adjectives used when addressing a point or person of interest. Lets take from the first interaction of vlad and box ghost. You described a "laser pink ray" You have two nouns and only one adjective. Try to find the best noun to describe the attack that vlad is about to make, and find an appropriate adjective to the noun. In this case, pink is perfectly suited, however, you will need to decide on one noun. Also another example is the description of the box ghost as "stupidly pathetic". While both may describe the box ghost to a tee, only one will be necessary. Try to choose the best word that is descriing the box ghost at that time. If you want to have greater detail, try and physically describe how the box ghost is behaving, as well as his mannerisms; which would provide further detail that just two adjectives. Another example is the description of vlad's castle. In the story it was described as "his freezing cold dark and almost deserted castle." You have three adjectives and a verb. The verb (freezing) is clashing with the adjective (cold). While both are being used to describe the castle, it is also improper grammar. The usage of words in this case also seems to be redundant. You have established that the castle is very cold, there is no need to go into further detail with another adjective. As far as the grammar for multiple adjectives, make sure to use a comma in between adjectives.
Just wanting to provide some supportive feedback, and again, its off to a good start.
| Pokadot Queen95 chapter 3 . 12/21/2009
like the story so far. its rele good
| DrendeSalkash chapter 3 . 12/21/2009
pretty good. now i wanna know what Vlad has in store for Sam, and why he's interested in her in the first place. and yes, a Stalemate in chess is shameful, when you were the one on the verge of winning
| DrendeSalkash chapter 2 . 12/7/2009
i like it. pretty good, and hopefully we'll get to learn Danny's reason for being a seemingly disinterested jackass. actually, that last part's not true. he doesnt seem disinterested, lol. good story so far
| daisy chapter 2 . 12/5/2009
This is great! Please continue!
| eruiggy chapter 2 . 12/5/2009
As far as the plot and characterizations go, I'm in love with this fic. Only thing I have a problem with is the writing-structurally, you write very well. But every now and then your word choice causes me to raise an eyebrow.
"Wasn't Danny charming, displaying those fresh gashes from last night's battle with dear uncle Vlad?"
The word "displaying" just doesn't really go there. "Bearing," perhaps, or something similar. The former simply makes the sentence read awkwardly, when, in all actuality, it's not.
Other than that, it's good work! :)
| Phantom Misfit chapter 2 . 12/5/2009
Totally awesome :)