|Reviews for Alyssa Lies|
| Adoxagraphy.Angelus chapter 1 . 2/7/2010
That was so sad! Great job in capturing emotion, you really made a tear jerker.
| Ghostwriter chapter 1 . 1/14/2010
Wow. Very powerful. Catch ya on the flip side.
| digigirl02 chapter 1 . 11/18/2009
How sad, child abuse is such a horrible thing.
| kylie90210 chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
I'm guessing this is Sam and Claudia's kid? Or Sam and Mary Anne's kid?
| Bittersweet x chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
Sad. But I love it.
| witchytara25 chapter 1 . 10/31/2009
In response to the reviews, refer to the song by Jason Michael Caroll, "Alyssa Lies" and that is where the idea for the story came from.
| Amanda chapter 1 . 10/31/2009
Great job! I bit rushed, but I like it so far. Maybe you could do a chapter where the girl who lost her friend goes into counseling or something, and maybe flashbacks about what could have happened to Alyssa in the past. Nice story!
| Babylon By Candlelight chapter 1 . 10/31/2009
Too vague, and way too rushed. This could be about any character in the series, and while that sometimes is a good thing and makes it easily related to, in this case all it does is make it seem out of place. This seems like it was part of an original fanfiction, and just placed in the BSC category on a whim. You need more specifics, and to take more time. The way this reads, it needs to be more than just a one-shot. Child abuse is a serious issue and if attempted, shouldn't be glossed over in one short chapter. The way it's handled, too, is unrealistic. When a parent hears of another child being abused, their first instinct is NOT to ignore it - it would be to talk to someone in authority, like a teacher, who is mandated by law to report any issues or suspicions to child services.
Plus, due to confidentiality, the teachers wouldn't be allowed to disclose any matters such as this to the students as a whole - otherwise, the school could be sued for slander.
A re-write is definitely in order. You have a great concept here, but right now, it needs work. You need to put more realistic emotion into it instead of forcing sadness on something that as a whole, you haven't built up to be sad.
| Jezz chapter 1 . 10/31/2009
Sorry, I don't like this story. You needed to be more specific with the characters: e.g. who they were. I'm assuming it was from Logan's perspective, but this was never made clear.
It's also seems a bit too try hard, like you're trying to envoke emotions from your readers in an unnatural way, deliberately trying to make things 'sad'.
All that aside, your story is well-written and your punctuation is good.