|Reviews for Bleeding in Class|
| twimax chapter 1 . 11/24/2010
Well, the overall idea of the story is good. I also liked the ending with the coach freaking out and Esme acting like all of it was no big deal.
Buuut...the content itself could use some tweaking. This is pretty good with it being your first fanfic and all. The switch from POV to POV can get confusing, especially when there is so little time spent with each character after every switch. The dialogue seems a little OOC.
The more you read and write, the more your maturity in literary works increases, so I can't give you any more advice other than JUST KEEP DOING BOTH.
I appreciate your review for my story and will gladly read one of your HP fanfics to give my imput.
| inuBrandy1101 chapter 1 . 10/5/2010
i absolutley LOVE how esme is all cool about everything :)
youre such a good writer! keep up the good work!
| vausesandspanishharlem chapter 1 . 9/29/2010
the end was hilarious!
| ZivaKateAbby4Eva chapter 1 . 9/19/2010
That was funny! Well, at least the ending with the coach was... *shrugs* well, I guess you get my point, with you being the author and all...well, anyway, it was amazing!
| Persephone's flower chapter 1 . 8/12/2010
*sucks in breath* Alrighty, here goes. :)
I think it would have been a lot better if you didn't switch character POVs so often. This makes it confusing, not to mention kind of irritating for the readers who read your story. I personally think it would have been more effective say, if you told it from, like, just Alice's POV or Jasper's or something.
Aside from that fact, some of your characters are completely OOC. Actually, all of them are really, really unlike themselves. Edward, Rosalie, Alice...you name it. It would have been nice if they were more developed as characters...
Um, make sure you use punctuations at the end of your sentences before you put your quotation marks...and OK was spelt wrong. it's supposed to be 'okay'.
The plot wasn't half bad, but it was predictable. And their reactions, while rational, and that one-line vision of Alice's seemed a bit rushed. I would've liked to see more description in the vision.
But yeah, it was alright, so if it is one of your first, then, I suppose you did okay. :)
| kaylagc chapter 1 . 4/17/2010
Wow...Uhm...no offense but... how old are you? Because I really can't even take this seriously. It comes off like a crack!fic more than a legit try at fanfic. The writing is very childish and the dialogue even more so.
The overall idea is entertaining, but...it's all about execution, I promise.
But...for a first timer...I'll give you an A for effort!
| The Unsuspected Evil Butterfly chapter 1 . 1/30/2010
That was cool!
Thx for your review!
| Permets chapter 1 . 1/29/2010
| loveislouder94 chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
lol. Amusing in parts, but I felt sorry for Jasper. Good job.
| Do You Even Want To Know chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
heehee this was really good XD
| fRANkiEGirL61 chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
This was really good!
| emzies chapter 1 . 11/21/2009
haha i think it was awesome!
so random but cool :)
| xAracnaex chapter 1 . 11/5/2009
this was a one shot. i like how emmett got all excited thinking about the bears haha. anywho for being one of your firsts, you did well. if you ever need help with writing stuff i've been writing for about 6 years now lol. i only have one posted fic though. im working on more :)
| Annie Get Your Board chapter 1 . 11/2/2009
I thought it was pretty good. The abrupt POV changes need to be smoothed over. I think you could make a very edgy, interesting style if you figured out a way to format them differently. Also, it would be better if you epanded the action, including more description and atmposphere to the piece.
Anyway, good work and keep going!