|Reviews for I Laugh|
| mr grimjaw chapter 1 . 10/6/2013
this is a very well chapter i liked the plot very interesting to bad its only a one shot . keep it up grara and sakura is a OK crack pairing this is the fourth fic i have read with this pairing . keep it up
| Eris-Of-War chapter 1 . 2/5/2013
It was Gai and Lee right? Great story by the way, I love how Sakura is so devious and cunning!
| Twinkie216 chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
Hm. No, not really. I can only assume things. Sorry...
| 101stkillah chapter 1 . 1/16/2013
Wow...grammar mistake in the first sentence. Are you really just that stupid? Libraries usually give free English lessons. Perhaps you should look into that.
| RecusantMaverick chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
OK, same sort of flaws as last time. New things. Murder is not funny. I cannot believe that you, member of CU, who are supposed to remove this stuff, actually write it. Well, I can I suppose. Like I said before, before you and your CU friends lord it over, cover your own bases.
| David Noklevername chapter 1 . 10/20/2012
You have a rather odd sense of words. Maybe you should re-write this.
| Safaia No Hono chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
A lot of people seem to not like this story. I for one, think it has a great plot and your choice of words are just fantastic. The people that dont like it are probably just some petty 12 year olds that got a review from you on their annoying little stories. i love Gaara and Sakura together too! :) Over all this story was really great and im glad i took the time to read it.
| Kuro Mikage chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
Hey just want you to know, murder isn't funny. Period. Not to mention it is offensive to those who have had someone they love murdered. Sounds familiar? It should be they were taken from your own words just worded differently, I mean rape isn't the only thing repulsive in this world. You're repulsive, this piece of crap is repulsive, the way you put yourself on a pedestal is repulsive. Oh and this is too childish for me. Write like you have education, don't just give us some English assignment crap. You know it's crap and you still post it? God this trashfic belongs to a bin. Reported.
| Krout chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
I just wanted to let you know that my eyes melted while reading your story. For a 'critic' (only by name) that goes against poorly written story and have so many criterion, presenting such a work is a shame. This story is old, and I'm surprised you don't have the decency to go back and fix the mistakes/typos. Just what kind of writer are you?
Also, it seems like you are unable to make a decent statement without using foul words (on your profile) which in itself is quite disturbing for someone who claim to be 21.
Lastly, I saw on your profile that using foreign words when not knowing the language is stupid(according to your tastes) so you might want to take a look at your profile, in the 'things that piss you off' you quoted 'Chat Room Fics' the 'crem do la crem. I think you meant crème de la crème here, right?
Yep, when you don't know French, you don't use French. Especially not when trying and look brighter than everybody else, all you do is make a fool out of yourself and slaughter this language.
| KM Choc chapter 1 . 6/14/2012
The way you characterized Sakura made me sick. There was absolutely no remorse for the implied crime and every word of her thoughts made me want to punch her. Writing wise it was decent, with no blatant grammar or spelling errors that I could see. To improve the story (well, if you even wanted to, seeing as this seems old) I would say Sakura needs more likeable traits, just like how the main antagonist of a story shouldn't be completely hated, in my opinion. Some people will obviously disagree.
And... wow. You have some hateful reviews for just a one-shot.
| SakuraKonekoChan chapter 1 . 6/10/2012
You just keep breaking the rules, and you obviously have no intent on fixing them. Reported.
| Shinning-Darkness chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
Well that was, for a lack of better a better word, downright awful. I see how you have commented that it is a piece that you wrote when you were 15, but I distinctly remember seeing on your profile that children shouldn't embarrass time, I suggest re-editing your writing before posting it.
Onto the critique; it lacks strength as a story. There is nothing that makes it different from every other stupid story written by stupid kids, and being that kind of writer is nothing to aspire towards. This isn't drama, it's far too neutral and, whenever you do add emotion, it's overkill. What makes a story memorable is (basically) the uniqueness in what you're trying to convey; where is the change? There's no variable.
Next - the swearing. I see you're trying to add emphasis on the ideas/concepts your interpretation of the characters are trying to convey, but it doesn't work with the (bad) dialogue. If you're going colloquial, use it completely. If not, don't add it in at random. It degrades the entire story (like writing "hai" (especially in manga/anime fics, where you'll have a question, then "hai, so desu ne"), "oui", "ja" or whatever in fics to correspond with the culture they are initially from. Get what I'm saying?).
Your writing style could be better; it's not strong enough to command the respect of the audience. If there's no respect from the audience of what you've done, then what's the point in writing it? Saying that, I have to state that a large number of reviewers on here are idiotic children who "typ lk dis" who wouldn't know an efficient story if it bit 'em in the arse. Back to the point - the writing. This is, by far, the most effective writing I've seen in the story;
"A wave of pleasure runs down my spine at the thought of the bugs and worms that must surely be feasting on their rotted flesh; even as I sit here awaiting the final verdict. It was hard not to squirm in delight as I imagined them in that cold empty field together forever. I'm sure that's what they wanted anyway. I wonder how pretty her face is now after all these months of decay, the dirt stripping all the shine and luster from her soft hair."
It has strong imagery that carries on, and it's effective in the way it relates to the murder in the story. It's also the only worth-while part. This, on the other hand, is not;
"Killing them may have been a bit…harsh. But so was finding my husband in bed with my best friend wearing the lingerie she had given me for my birthday only two weeks beforehand. At the time all I could think of was how Ino stood next to me on my wedding day, dressed in her powder blue bridesmaid dress telling me how happy she was for me."
You know those 12 year old authors who write such dramatic scenes involving their Mary-Sue's that you can't help but want to burn those loons? This is the same. Your interpretative character is a Mary-Sue. Just... don't do that to widely admired fictional characters (and stop the bashing of female characters you don't happen to like. Think, damn you!).
I'd go on, but I've probably annoyed you enough today. It's not that I care, so don't bother deluding yourself. I tell it how it is, and if you don't like it, it's not my problem. Now, cue the overemotional response where you tell me how much of a horrible person I am for not instantly adoring your story. I love a good discussion.
| tealhairedbassist chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
Wow. Just wow. I loved this so much! I loved how you described everything. I could only hope to try and make my fanfics as good. I have a couple started and I would love for some of your advice when I finally get around to uploading them. :)
| Ghostlanxx chapter 1 . 6/3/2012
"screamed the ridicules lawyer dressed in his green suite."
And you have the gall to critique others. I have stories with bad grammar and spelling up, too, but at least I don't get writers better than me suspended for breaking the rules when I do it as well. You should be ashamed.
| tetekanui chapter 1 . 6/1/2012
Well, I must say, you have a lovely little structure for a oneshot. Not too long, just enough description that doesn't bog down the emotional introversion. I'll admit to knowing little about the Naruto series, but I did find that this story read obviously like original fiction with the names changed. On top of that, the story is a rather typical one; I had been hoping for some twist to set it apart from "Chicago" or Cher's "Dark Lady," if you know what I mean? But for what it is, it certainly isn't a bad piece of writing.
Like I said, it doesn't have much holding it to the fanfiction label except for the use of Naruto names. It seemed odd to me that Sakura would use a gun - changing the weapon of choice to throwing stars, for example, might have worked better to translate this school project into fanfiction. I noticed that you were faithful to the characters' physical descriptions (something you probably changed in addition to the names), which helped profoundly. I also spotted a time when you could have made reference to the currency she used to buy her coffee (does the Naruto universe use special coins or something?). With more effort, this could have seamed effortlessly into the realms of fanfic.
I found following the thoughts of the murderer, how pragmatic and cold they were, to be both disturbing and fascinating. When writers attempt to delve into the psyche of someone who has committed a horrendous crime, it is usually of intense interest to me. You did a fine job at portraying the hurt of a normal, heartbroken wife combined with the madness created (or exacerbated) by the betrayal. Sasuke and Ino were treated as flat and stereotypical, but I think this is because Sakura sees them as purely bad now. She seems to have a black-and-white mentality; people are either below her notice, like her lawyer and the coffee man, or they are worthy of her attention, like Gaara. They are either on her side, like Ino when she was a bridesmaid, or they are against her and deserve to die. This polarizing way of viewing the world is frightening, and even more frightening is the fact that she can hide it so well and function in society just as if she had normal human emotions. The true horror story doesn't involve the fantastical monster that could never exist in real life, but secretly twisted people who have the ability, like a chameleon, to blend into society and are just like the people we interact with on a daily basis. How frightening to know that anyone could be that close to snapping, and until it was too late, we'd probably never know. A deep and interesting concept explored well.
I would've liked to know more about how Sakura disposed of the evidence, and how long the court case has been going on, as well as whether there were any other defendants - or was Sakura the only person they accused? It seems like the investigation of Sakura's best friend and husband's murder should not immediately lead to Sakura's trial. Certainly, she'd be a person of interest, but I'm sure Ino and Sasuke had many enemies. This idea could have been expanded on, and I think the fic would have greatly benefited from such a thing being addressed.
The tone Sakura uses is absolutely gleeful and remorseless. It is also lofty, isolated from the rest of the world, and condescending. In short, she makes a great villain, and delving inside her head is a treat. This tone is consistent, even when she notes a person of interest to her - Gaara. Though she has a bit of a crush, I suppose, she still doesn't see anyone as her equal, and I think that feeling might be helped by the fact that she just got away with murder and is feeling particularly high and mighty. But while mayhem in a mind is fun to read, I do wonder if she was always this way. It seems unrealistic that the sheer act of finding Sasuke in bed with Ino would drastically change a fundamentally innocent and sweet girl into a monster. If she already had issues, perhaps they were the reason for the marital problems and cheating? It would have been nice if this was addressed in the section where Sakura remembers crying on Ino's shoulder. Just a little throwaway line like (for example): 'Sasuke and I were always fighting. He called me 'reckless,' he called me 'volatile,' and 'prone to violence.' So what if sometimes my rage got the better of me? Well, I guess I proved him right, but since victory feels like a cold bullet to the brain, I'm fine with losing. Just this once.' You know? Something that gives a reason for the cheating and maybe some sympathy to Sasuke and Ino without making Sakura herself consider both sides of view, as well as some indication that Sakura wasn't all right in the head to begin with.
The ending scene threw me for a loop. The court scene ended so abruptly, and I felt very little segue to the coffee shop. The fact that Gaara almost immediately hits on her is strange, and the fact that she flirts back despite the trust issues she must have with men seems to me an odd development. However, I liked that it showed that Sakura was living her life normally without guilt over the murders, and there was a nice, creepy ending that tied in perfectly with the title. The title was one that drew me in, and it was the type of title that I thought would be repeated through the fic to hammer in the theme. Instead, it wasn't used at all until the end, and that worked very well. Strong ending, and strong, if basic premise. I enjoyed this very much; thanks for sharing.