|Reviews for A Fairy's Love|
| Ranko chapter 1 . 4/16/2010
Aw! It's so cute! I've always wondered about this pairing! Great story indeed! Brilliant idea about her transformation!
| Martin III chapter 3 . 2/24/2010
This is a definite improvement over "Someday, Somewhere, Somehow", but it's still rather trite in the way it deals with Ein and NoNo's relationship, to be honest. Their confessions of love are idealized and scripted, making them sound less than convincing.
The characters of themselves aren't great, either. The biggest problem is that Ein's dialogue is formal and stuffy("I'm well aware of that, NoNo."), which definitely doesn't match the game. On the plus side, though, none of the characters are violently OOC, and any shortcomings in your handling come off as effort falling short rather than disrespect for the characters.
I did enjoy the plot of this one. While the way NoNo attains human size is unquestionably contrived, I found myself not minding it - partly because of the way you tell it, I think, and partly because you hadn't been building tension around NoNo's plan to find Ein and not the issue of Ein and NoNo's size difference. Classic misdirection, you might say. Ein's meeting with the Magi was fairly well-depicted, too.
Some minor problems with the writing:
1."from my missions ni sealing" Little typo there.
2."Herbert stepped forward, being the one to tell the Grim Angel their decision." Everything after "stepped forward" is redundant.
3."Such an irrevocable merit cannot..." I get the sense that you don't know what "irrevocable" means, since its use here doesn't make sense.
the paragraph starting "For a second, the Elder seemed", all the appearences of "Heaven's Gate" make it sound repetitive. I'd replace "to Heaven's Gate" with "there" at one point.
5."Wondering why NoNo would go to this place, she asked, "What brings you here, NoNo?"" You don't need that phrase about "wondering why", since NaNa's question tell us she is wondering anyway. The same goes for: "Wondering why NoNo asked her such a favor, the Witch asked," and ""W-Where am I?" Ein opened his eyes, wondering where he was."
6."And that meant one thing: Soala messed up again, something that made the Witch feel bad." I think it would be more effective if you just wrote "And that meant one thing." At the least, everything is still perfectly clear if you cut out the rest of that sentence.
general, you tend to use a lot of unneeded adverbs.
So, this still has most of the same issues as your first fic, but it's a promising improvement nonetheless.
| Shadaez chapter 1 . 11/3/2009
This is good, though there is a slight OOC. Then again, Who knows NoNo's true character? Maybe thats why it's that fun to read.