|Reviews for Wherever I May Find Her|
| Kitten Kisses chapter 4 . 12/29/2009
Hey there! I know I'm horribly late in reviewing this, but here I go, anyway.
There are a lot of nice little details in this chapter: [he had not thought of her as a girl since the day she first drew the Mani Katti from its sheath], [She was playing unconsciously with the tip of her ponytail, a sign that she was deep in thought], [There was none of the stigma against remarriage], [poked his chest playfully] et cetera.
I especially like the marriage differences in culture. I can honestly say I haven't given it deep thought, at least not on Lyn's end. An interesting idea that Sacaen culture allows for remarriage. (And the part about her returning to her father/clan should her husband not treat her with respect is especially nice, and I do believe I have seen or heard of that in other cultures.)
[Sacaen tribes allowed chiefs to choose their own successors.] This actually makes more sense (in a way) than trailing through bloodlines. As you and I are both aware, there have been many rules in the past who either had no desire to rule, or no talent for ruling. So it's a little silly to think that just because you are born into a particular family means you are fit to rule a kingdom. Choosing your own successor could, of course, leave the title of a ruler in the same family, but should the current leader find his own son/brother/whatever unworthy, he doesn't have to worry about him taking the throne and ruining the kingdom after his own death. (And I'm totally going on tangents here... If I don't make any sense, I apologize.)
[in which they had returned to Caelin only to find their charade revealed and Lord Hausen overthrown in a coup during their year-long absence.] Cough, I have absolutely thought of this. I don't think Chancellor Reissmann is a bad man, but with Lyndis (and Kent, and Sain, and Wil, and Florina) gone, it would be all too easy for him to assume the power by killing Hausen for real. (And actually, that'd be really easy. Already injured, it could be assumed he died on his own/from his wounds/from the poisoning that he hadn't recovered from.) Even if Chancellor Reissmann didn't overthrow Hausen, anyone of any real power (ie: military man, relative of Lundgren, anyone who had access to the castle), could.
["Just be careful, Lyndis," he said quietly.] This is so sweet and kind of sad, too. It makes me wonder if his worries will be, uh...confirmed. (We know he likes to kick himself for mistakes, et cetera.)
["Got yourself inna spot o' trouble again, ah?"] Again, huh? I wonder how Kent could possibly have gotten himself into trouble, before, ahahaha.
["A hero is one who protects, one who defends. I failed. Not just once, not just twice -"] Aww, Kent. He failed three times, huh? I wonder what the third time was... I'm guessing this takes place later in the storyline, maybe? P:
["Courage," he said, thinking of Lord Hector. "Conviction," he said, thinking of Lord Eliwood. And at last, thinking of the quiet, unassuming man who had directed them all to victory, "Sacrifice and humility."] I really, REALLY like this.
[Few of us will ever be Hanon or Elimine, or even clever Bradamant.] I have no idea who Bradamant is. I do know of a Bradamante, but that's a book, and it's probably not related to this story in any way.
You know I love peony bushes, so it's great you included them in this story. Though I will admit, we don't see red peonies around here- just white and pink. Now I want red. D:
Kent's mother seems slightly out of it, maybe...a bit crazy? I wonder if she really is, or if she is only eccentric. I suppose with the live she lived, she might have the right to be a bit strange, eh?
["Afore the soldiers come a-lookin'."] I love that Kent starts to get that way of speaking after spending some time with his mother. I'm assuming he'd had that accent a long time ago, and cured himself of the habit after joining the knights of Caelin.
Also, I guess I was right in my above guess- that this takes place after the earlier events... Perhaps quite some time after.
["That, I think, is a question better answered by her daughter."] Now I wonder what Lyndis would say, should Kent ask her that question.
[she could make a man forget] Amen to that. The Power of a Woman. Amirite?
[She was a woman who could inspire men to lay down their lives willingly for her, abandoning all rationality, turning their back on everything they knew, or thought they knew. They would follow her into death, into the unknown, based on little more but faith, and perhaps something else that he could not quite name. And that, perhaps, was the most dangerous of all.]
This makes me foam at the mouth. That's Lyndis for you. And possibly her mother, too. I love your writing. It's always so powerful!
[But of course he had. How could he have not? How many sleepless nights had he spent, dancing around the inevitable, formulating empty plans around questions that could not be answered?] Oh, Kent has ambitions, all right. Dreams, desires. Poor guy.
And also, Sir Bruce? Best name ever. I approve.
Now, I apologize for this lame review and demand more 'fic. More more more more more. MORE. I love this story so far.
Keep up the great work!
| Mark of the Asphodel chapter 4 . 12/19/2009
Yay. More wonderful world-building re: screwy Elibean rules of succession- loved the reference to Hanon. The digression into differing styles of combat was interesting in its own right, but didn't feel integrated quite right into the narrative- was this the info-dump you warned of? The concept of fighting as practiced in Caelin, though, was a great one.
Even in your universe, even though I saw Mark and his end in "The Gray Men," it is very weird to see him referenced as a character in his own right. The first reference to him jerked me clean out of the narrative- I just have trouble getting my head around it.
Seeing Kent's mother, and learning more about her, was sobering given her portrayal in "Little Lark."
"He wondered, sometimes, how Sain must feel - for Sain had been the one who joked and laughed with the others, listened to their woes and complaints, went into town with them to drink the night away." [Interesting way of differentiating between Kent and Sain re: fighting their own.]
"It was beautiful, and it was dangerous, and even more dangerous about her, he soon came to realize, was that she could make a man forget." [A very elegant way of trying to explain the plot-mandated charisma of a Fire Emblem protagonist. Fairly convincing to me, even though Lyn is not one of my favorites and the brand of charisma she possesses in this is pretty alien to me. Loved the yardsticks of Lord Wallace and the Ilian mercenary.]
Oh, and one last thing: "On the ground ahead, a curling golden leaf, perfectly shaped and shimmering with traces of rain, drew his eye. He bent and picked it up, but on closer examination, it was riddled with small holes. He let it fall from his hand." [Not sure what this represents, but it was a striking image.]
| twilightm00n chapter 3 . 11/22/2009
Very intriguing. I can't wait to see what happens!
| Mark of the Asphodel chapter 3 . 11/17/2009
"Telfer's Lament" is a fantastic device- and what a great way to utilize Nils. Anyway, good stuff (didn't notice any typos, really), with a deepening mystery. What's going on with the "simple ceremony"? To whom was Sain writing a letter? And what's the deal with Torsten? Anyway, this was all full of lovely world-building details- politics, traditions, coloring, accents- and I appreciated the tie-in to "Little Lark." Such a nice universe you have going, here.
| Qieru chapter 3 . 11/14/2009
Ah, at last, time to review. Yet again, or I should say, ever still, you writing continues to enchant. Your nonlinear scenes still flow so incredibly, and the way you craft them, craft sentences...I dunno, but it's so very effective, so drawing. I look at my work and I think about how clunky it is. D; Anyway...
Seeing how you tackle her interaction with Caelin's nobles is fascinating on at least two levels, for me. One, on the surface level, for an entertaining story and series of events, second, for the 'guts' of how you make it work. I sit and consider all the choices you make and I muse on them. This is partially because of my own-post-game fic I've had in the works for well over a year now, where I want to be realistic in how I craft things (and a little bit of added not-wanting to step on your toes now, but *handwave* it's not terribly important right now).
I love the idea of the 'Coming of Age' ceremony, and the kind of depth it adds to the impression we already had that Reissmann treated her more like a child in her lessons at Caelin. It also brings to wonder how their interactions will change afterwards. Will it be more instantaneous or gradual?
[In the greater part of Lycia, however - Caelin included - it is seventeen."] I like this line and what it says about how he places Caelin. 'The greater part of Lycia', very interesting, telling, but subtle. Additionally, I like that you took her original age for your timespan, and the kind of development and maturity it implies on her part, with it.
[for it was her father who had taught her the ways of the world and of their people, and how to ride and to hunt and wield the blade] Four is an early time to learn how to 'wield the blade', but it's an interesting notion that he taught her so early on...
[and to speak the strange lilting language of Lycia, which only those who traveled often to Bulgar knew and used.] I like this little detail. heck, I tend to like any detail regarding languages and language-difference. The game tends to gloss past the idea that there are different languages (FE9 has the bit with the ancient heron language, but it's not terribly... I dunno. That's more past-dialect rather than between cultures. A step in the right direction, though). Needing Lycian only if they often visited their single trade town tells just how far from the land she is.
[I will learn to love this land, because my mother loved it.
I will learn to love this land, as she learned to love the plains.] I love her determination here, it's so very much like her, and so very spirited.
[Eliwood had at least had that funny looking squire with quite the talent for cooking] Ahaha! I love this, and I also like how it implied that not everyone in the army had really been on a personal basis. She doesn't even call him by his name, but by 'the funny-looking squire'. And her adjective in itself is amusing, if perhaps just because of who she applies it to.
[She was, she suspected, supposed to take these well wishes seriously, however.] How very depressing for her to know that Sain's compliments, in their frivolous and common nature mean more than the empty words of her 'noble' peers.
[What she would much rather be doing, she decided, was talking to Kent. And perhaps asking about who all of these people were, and which ones were worth remembering (or alternatively, which ones she had to remember), or teasing him about how handsome he looked in his dress attire. ] Hee~ More fun /and/ more useful. Win-Win, a shame she has to wait.
[An unfamiliar man's voice. She whirled around, startled, almost reaching for her sword before remembering that she had left it in her room, because no lady in her right mind would be caught wearing a sword to her own coming-of-age.] Haha! Instinct and nobility collide. It would be hard to train anyone out of that habit especially after the events they went through.
[She turned to Kent, expecting bewilderment to match her own, only to find that his mask of courtesy had dropped to reveal a startling, livid fury.] O:!
[When he spoke again, his mask was back in place, but there was an underlying edge to his voice. "Lord Lundgren's son. A pleasure."] OO: Oh! I've been so wondering how/if you were going to address relations to Lundgren (perhaps not from this piece, but in regards to notes you made about Madelyn and Hassar and Lundgren in a previous fic)
[The man held up his hands in a placating gesture, a wry, lopsided grin plastered on his face.] I'm getting visions of Sain with this gesture, haha. D
But things sound like they could be troublesome with his request, especially given the political note in your summary. B:
Nils! So few fics include him! I love how you write him. It lends to the maturity of his concealed but extended age. Something even Lyn notices [His strange red eyes took on a wild, distant cast, and for a moment Lyn forgot that he was only a child, a child who had, just weeks ago, been horsing around with Hector like any normal boy his age.] but does not yet completely process it/know.
["But you do." She hesitated, suddenly uncertain why she felt so desperate to hear it in its entirety, and equally uncertain of her right to know. "Can you sing it for me?"
It was a long time before he replied, and his face seemed so distant that she regretted she had ever asked.
"Sain would do it better justice," he said slowly. "But I do not think he knows it."
"If you don't want to -"] I really like this exchange. It's interesting, telling, and cryptic all together.
[He shook his head again. "I'll sing it," he said, slipping back unconsciously into the lilting cadence - so different from Hector and the Ostians' clipped accent - that Lyn had heard the Pheraens and her Caelin-born comrades use only among themselves. She almost did not notice when Kent began, half-singing, half-chanting in a low tone:] Ah, more notes on language and accent. You spoil me so, but it's so delightful. I love the difference noted, the fact that it exists. It makes the world and interactions so much more real. And then, of course, you tickle the fancy I have about him having a lovely singing voice, hee~
[He stopped abruptly, perhaps conscious of the stares they had attracted. "I have forgotten the rest."] But did he truly forget, or cease out of embarrassment? c
[Though she could sense his growing reluctance, she still had one last question. "Who taught you the song? Your father?"
"No," he said. "My mother."] Oh, so very interesting! Her persistent curiosity and the mystery of his relation to his mother who knew a song that was all but forgotten.
["Any news yet, Commander?"] This line alone breeds so many questions. o:
Gads, I am so in love with your writing. ;0;
Ever excited for more,
| Kitten Kisses chapter 3 . 11/11/2009
Haha, it appears that my picketing worked. I'll have to try it again sometime in the near future, to make certain you continue to update in a timely manner.
[utilizing the formal phrases of gratitude she had made sure to learn from Kent] Aww, Lyn, learning stuff. But she does owe Chancellor Reissmann quite a bit, considering all he did in her absence.
I love the little things up there about the coming of age ceremonies, Lyn's thoughts concerning Reissmann's treatment of her, and then Kent's hesitation. It's all so interesting.
I really, really like Lyn's thoughts about her mother. It seemed, even from the in-game dialogue, that Lyn wasn't especially close to her mother. And I know firsthand what it's like to live with someone and not even know them.
The last two lines of that scene, about how she'll learn to love Caelin? Wonderful. It's so Lyn.
[He had been tired, lately.] This fits Kent to a T when you go into a post-game scenario. Mostly because of, as you put it, the military needing restructuring. And God knows that military would need some work. A lot of work.
I love that she reaches for her sword. It would be a natural reaction, poor girl.
Hahaha, Lord Lundgren's son. Amazing. The guy seems nice, but I wonder if we can trust him. Hmm...
Nice job with the accents of the various cantons. I like that Pherae and Caelin are so different from Ostia. It makes things horribly interesting to imagine, haha. And then, Kent's mother. Aww...
Hmm, and then that last scene, with Sain. I wonder what's going on! Ahh! I have a theory about the scene in the last chapter, now, but I'm not going to guess or mention it, just in case I'm wrong in the end, haha.
Take care and please update soon!
| Mark of the Asphodel chapter 2 . 11/10/2009
Wow. I can't say I understand all of it- the red dream-flower, the hidden key, the sequencing of dreams and flashbacks- but the writing is beautiful. Kent's self-image as the forgotten scarecrow and the essential *wrongness* of Lyn at the final scene in this chapter are both memorable, and Lyn's reaction to Kent's question about the Sacaeans is fantastic. Interesting use of color, too- red flower, pale blossom, and the use of darkness and pervasive light. Not to mention all the subtle details, like Sain's song and the caprices of Lycian weather. And that's a wonderful use of the Odysseus cycle, there. More!
| Qieru chapter 2 . 11/8/2009
Hooray, time to finally review this chapter~. X3
Gads, I love your writing so much. ;0; It's always so powerful and compelling. I don't know how your gift is manifested, but it's always so amazing. And you write the characters so well too. And the nonlinear style? Incredible. I don't know how, but things feel so smooth and still connected even though they are out of order.
[He did not understand, but was content in her joy.] I like this, how is shows that her happiness is his, even if he doesn't get it. I've tended to imagine that her moods might be 'infectious' to him, so to speak. but this line puts it in such a gentle, yet telling way.
[She asked him its name, but he did not know it. He did not know anything anymore.] This line is so cryptic, so interesting.
[So he stayed, standing there in the middle of the meadow like some forgotten scarecrow.] So sad, and yet so easy to picture, so easy to feel his solitude or loneliness.
[He went down on his hands and knees, crawled through the mud, groping blindly for the key he had hidden nearby.] The added fact that you have yet to return to this scene makes it all the more curious and interesting. Hidden key? Why would he hide a key? And why would it be hidden in the mud?
[He was suddenly aware of Lyndis standing before him, peering up at his face with a mischievous expression. She leaned forward and brushed aside the hair plastered on his forehead. Kent could hear, above the pounding of his heart, Sain whistling some obnoxious tune somewhere behind them (and if he remembered the lyrics to that tune correctly, he was really going to have to throttle the older man after this).] I really love these lines. I love how it shows the dynamic between the three of them, both the caring and playful nature of Lyn her 'mischievous expression' and the way she brushes Kent's hair away, Kent's own internal reaction to her, and Sain's surreptitious teasing of his friend. Wonderful characterization and interaction delights me so much, and these few bits of interaction just make me feel so happy. x3
[Kent, in fact, though he dared not admit it, found her quirks rather endearing. She startled and intrigued him, though her decisions often challenged all of his rationalizations, all of his deepest beliefs, everything he had been taught all his life. ] This matches him so well and it says so much in just a few sentences.
[As he turned back to his recruits, he wondered, for the first time since he had brought her back to Caelin, if he had not made a great and terrible mistake.] I must admit that I don't quite follow his train of thought, though maybe I'm not supposed to. But the sort of complexity that thinking he'd made a 'great and terrible mistake' is so interesting, that I guess I don't really care. It's a strange thought, but the doubt he has over seeing her act so differently just feels very 'real' and adds so much depth.
Your writing is always such a treat to read.
Ever excited to read more~
| Pen and Paper71 chapter 2 . 11/8/2009
This is excellent so far. Your writing style is beautiful and I adore your portrayal of the characters. I'm particularly fond of your descriptions throughout the story. They're so vivid and beautiful.
Excellent work. I look forward to the rest.
| Kitten Kisses chapter 2 . 11/6/2009
That was the fastest update ever to grace the front page of the Fire Emblem section. I'm certainly not complaining, though.
I remember the first paragraph of this from that meme on LJ. I think it was the one where you had to post WIP snippets. I'm still dying (pun intended) to find out what it's all about, though I have a fairly good idea already...
First, as usual, I love your writing style. The whole "mystery" aspect of this particular 'fic is appealing to me. It flows smoothly, but is still disjointed, leaving just enough room to make the reader wonder what exactly is happening.
The second scene is confusing, but still exceptionally interesting. Death whispering in his ear...but not for the first time, speaking to hear his own voice, and then walking, as opposed to running (as mentioned in the first scene).
[He did not understand, but was content in her joy.] This is beautiful, and it's also love. How many people can say that seeing someone else be happy leaves them feeling content, really content? Not just for a moment, or a day, but truly content. I like that sentence because I think it says so much that isn't even written there.
[Even so, he could cherish these moments. These precious, rare moments. Freedom. Joy.] This is also beautiful. And the end of the scene, where he sits in the meadow [like a forgotten scarecrow]...I could picture it. What a depressing scene. But still, in its own way, it's so many things at once. Melancholy, forlorn, and lovely.
[He did not like to think of how much time had passed.] I'm assuming that she's ill, from the burning skin, and worry about the time. I also like the last sentence in the first paragraph, there. All of the failures and deaths, well, this is one live that he can't afford to lose. (And it seems he realizes it.)
Also, the key. That's so strange, and...interesting. Adds to the mystery, I guess. I wonder what the key is to. A chest, perhaps? (Hopefully with a blanket in it, haha.) It's especially interesting, because he hid the key. It's not as if he dropped it, or already had it with him. No, it's hidden there. He'd planned to be there. (I'm so curious and really, just nosy.)
Lyn, sticking her tongue out to catch the rain. It's such a playful scene. These lines fit the mood perfectly, and describe Sain and Lyndis's relationship flawlessly: [Sain laughed at her antics and spouted some ridiculous compliment about her tongue, of all things. She reached out to smack him before hesitating, apparently remembering that such an action was unbefitting of a young noblewoman. Then Sain extended the compliment to her lips, and she smacked him anyway.]
Also, as a side note, [notoriously capriciousness] is wonderful.
Sain whistling the song made me laugh, but this made me nearly cry, and by that, I mean, quite literally. I have tears in my eyes: [So he told her. He regretted his words and his honesty as soon as he spoke, but after a brief, unreadable flash of emotion, her eyes brightened, and she began happily chattering away.]
When she just starts babbling. I don't know what it is, but that...is beautiful, too. (Why do you write so beautifully?) Kent's nervous honesty, and Lyn being totally accepting, and then happy to talk about her life to him. I love how you write their relationship.
Wow, the next scene is perfect. How he finds her quirks endearing (something I fully believe and have situated happily in my personal headcanon), his realization that most people would not be used to her, nor find those quirks even remotely amusing, and then... Kent feeling responsible. Though I've never really thought of it too much, I always assumed he'd be there to help the transition (wanting to almost protect her, if you will, from the hardships she'd face because of it). But him feeling responsible for her not being ready, for every trouble she's felt, for everything... That fits him so very well.
[She was determined to learn, to change - for whose sake, he could not say - and quiet pride mingled with uncertainty swept over him with the realization.] Yes, yes! Pride. I believe he'd be proud of her accomplishments, and her determination to learn.
His story... That's so amusing and interesting. But it's mostly just really sweet. (I like the idea of him telling her stories, haha, and actually, I have something like that planned for my novelization, if I could just...write it.)
The last paragraphs, though... Wow. Poor Kent. The complications, Lyn's sudden change of...well, everything. I'm sure he's confused, but as the last sentences say, he won't want to dwell on it for fear of the complications. Of course, he's also realizing that she came to him, like that, first.
This is getting especially interesting, so I demand more. Soon. As in, tonight. (Though I know that's likely not going to happen, I can sure hope, right?)
I never get tired of your writing style, but this has to be one of my favorite stories so far. You've got your characters, and even though I'll admit I'm biased toward Kent and Lyndis, you write them as if you really know them. I'm very impressed.
Keep up the great work and write more soon!
| Qieru chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
I was so excited when I saw the notice in my inbox, and then-
A dedication? Ah, you're so sweet! I don't-thank you so much! ;0;
I too am excited to see your notes when you post them. And your note about Kent with the statement of mother figures is so intriguing, especially since a long time ago I decided that I wanted a positive figure in his mother too (for I fic I still haven't written xD;)
[She had not cried. Those were happy memories, and happy memories should not, must not be stained by tears.] This line shows her strength, but in a very sad light.
[Nor did she think the lady of the castle was supposed to weep for reasons no one else could understand, especially in front of the staring, ogling servants who passed in and out of her chambers each day. ] And this line, the next, only adds to it. It's like the people at a zoo, stopping by certain enclosures to see the animal inside. It also enhances her lack of privacy, since they're coming in and out of /her/ chambers. D:
[In the end, the dreams had faded, along with her memories. It was not that she wanted to forget, but she did. New memories replaced them, new words and new faces.] Aww D:I hate that feeling; trying to hold onto happy memories but only to have them slip away. All the more painful for her, though.
[She remembered, vaguely, the old tale of the great she-wolf laying herself down to die.] This line... I like the way it accents her hopelessness and solitude. Rather than furthering describing emotions, you manage to put a story in a single line that encompasses so much. (I'm so jealous ;o; )
Ada, Ama... I love the names you have her call her parents. I've always found 'mother' and 'father' to be too stiff for the names she really called them, especially given that they are associated with Mother Earth and Father Sky.
["My daughter, my Lyndis, my little filly. Why have you come to this place?"] I am exploding with cute and with jealousy. He calls her his little filly, ohh. It's so sweet, so perfect, and makes me wish that I had thought of it first. xD
["Shh, shh," he murmured, clucking at her in the way he had always used to soothe his horse, or to comfort her when she was upset.] I like the little bit about his clucking, and how he used it to soothe his horse and her. Just a little detail which adds depth the character and the scene. x3
["Everyone must leave, sooner or later, Lyn."] A note here, though it's a dream, shouldn't he call her 'Lyndis' since that was what her parents called her when she was alone? Or would do you excuse this as a subconscious desire to be called Lyn like when she was at home on the plains? D (Either way, the line is so sad ;~; )
This is so wonderful~ I'm so excited for the rest of your chapters! X3
| Mark of the Asphodel chapter 1 . 11/5/2009
Hey, I'm all for time-jumping. Fascinating choice of a title; I love that song, and when I saw the fic listed in your WIP bin, I wondered if S&G were the source. Anyway, this is a solid and intriguing beginning. I don't have that much to say other than that details like Lyn's form of address for her parents (and her father's pet term for her) make this take on Lyn feel especially alive. I also really appreciated the detail about waking under white quilted blankets after dreaming of furs in a ger- I've had mornings like that.
| Kitten Kisses chapter 1 . 11/5/2009
Dedicated to me? And Qieru? You're too kind! [Dramatic posing, and et cetera here.]
(Hiatus is overrated. The reason is because that is exactly when ideas hit. I personally believe this happens because you feel you're not allowed to write, so the ideas form a rally and basically do a march with signs and everything. (I think I just pictured that.)
I can't wait for your notes on Wariskind. But for now, I'll review here and crosspost it to LJ.
These songs, you must link me sometime. Or something. I like the title for this chapter/prologue.
[She had not cried. Those were happy memories, and happy memories should not, must not be stained by tears.] This whole paragraph was very powerful, but these sentences, especially so. (Note: NaNoWriMo makes me use more words than necessary to say something, so ignore my wordiness. It's a habit, now.) I also like the little bit about the servants coming and going all day. While I think it would bother Lyn to have to live like that, it is the way of "civilized" places, and even she would understand that she'd have to get used to it, or risk Caelin's (and by extension, her grandfather's) reputation.
[In the end, the dreams had faded, along with her memories. It was not that she wanted to forget, but she did. New memories replaced them, new words and new faces.] This is especially interesting. Did she really forget, or has she only pushed the memories to the back of her mind? Either way, this is a nice touch.
["My daughter, my Lyndis, my little filly. Why have you come to this place?"] B'aw. I almost burst into tears. Seriously. I love this. Especially him calling her a filly. It's SO SWEET. (This makes me such a dork, but that was always one of my favorite little nicknames for a young woman.)
[But the stars oriented her, sang to her her place in the universe. Front to the south, back to the north; left to the east, right to the west. And she at the center of the world.] This is beautiful.
The last couple of lines were good, too, especially the last one. Poor Lyndis, so confused and lost and tired. Yes, I think she seems weary.
I would say more, but this is short, and I don't have much else to say. I am looking forward to reading more, of course, and will stand outside of your journal with picket signs until you update.