Reviews for Everything You Think You'll Ever Need
Maverick222 chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
Beautiful start, looking forward to see where you take it. 3
AllyBallyBee chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
well written, so touching. keep updating!
LightWoman chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
Lovely start! Your writing is very natural and in character. I like the idea of Gillian waiting, knowing Cal would come to her when he was ready. Look forward to chapter 2!
suallenparker chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
Loved it!

This was incredibly sweet. I loved the way you described the scenes and your subtle way of showing. Very well done.

Just one thing that made me stumble while I was reading it:

" Half a bottle of wine later (“You don’t have any more scotch?” “No.” “Ok.”) found them curled on the sofa, his feet on the coffee table, hers underneath her, and her head on his chest. "

- I would prefer to read it more like two scenes in the correct chronological order, because the little piece of dialogue threw me out of the scene.

I would do the dialogue with a bit more describtion, then make a break and continue with the wine-bottle-sentence.

For example:

“You don’t have any more scotch?”

“No.”

He sighed. “Ok.”

-*-

Half a bottle of wine later found them curled on the sofa, his feet on the coffee table, hers underneath her, and her head on his chest.

-

I think, like that the style of that first part would be more coherent and as I said, the brackts threw me out and made me stumble.

Also another question (and please forgive this one, but I'm no native English speaker so it might be an unnessesary one)

Is "Half a bottle of wine later found them curled on the sofa," that correct or is there something missing? It sounds odd to me but it may be just a new English pun I'm not used to...

Greetings and keep the good stuff coming!

suallenparker
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