Reviews for If You're Mine
When Love Was New chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
Thank you for your submission to the When Love Was New contest. Your story has been validated and added to the C2.

Good luck! :)

WLWN staff
Sarah chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
this is a great fic. its lovely
SunnyZim chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
I really enjoyed this! You really have a gift you know - you write so well and with such a depth and maturity which is unusual for someone so young. Even though I am not primarily a Jake/Nessie fan, I still really enjoyed this and you did a beautiful job of showing the development of her feelings for Jacob. I've also actually entered this competition with a Quil/Claire one-shot - it's nice to see you've entered too:-)
unforgetabELLE chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
! I LOVE THIS STORY! It was so adorable! You're amazing!
Elle.M.J chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
i love this story! it is so sweet!
reader-giggles chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
wow! this was so incredible...they had better give you the prize or they are in trouble ;) it was so sweet the way Nessie's feeling changed from a child like delight in 'owning' Jake to wanting to be the one he dances with (by the way loved Jake doing the traditional Quileute wolf dance aka the Thriller moves!) & how for Jake that changed too! You do write so well & I loved it.
regencygirl13 chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
This is how see their relationship, loving, protective...and you got it all down on the keyboard perfectly! It was beautiful and innocent and sweet, which is what Renesmee is. You didn't make her a brat and possesive or jealous or cruel. You made her REALISTIC.
oohbelle chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
Aww... this is so beautiful! I'm amazed.

Younger Ness is the sweetest thing ever, really. It's cute how she liked calling Jake hers.

And then the bonfire - I really though they wouldn't end up together in the end. I thought he was mad or she would do something rash and then... I was wrong. yay!

She showed him awesome things... And he kissed her. Kissed her! Those last few lines made my weekend. It's almost incomprehensible how a story can make things so much better and easier to go through. So, yeah - thank you for publishing this one...:)

Love ya, and well... can't wait for more stories... (I'm insatiable, I know) :*
Your Oasis chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
this was epic, hon. especially the ending. EPIC. if you don't win, i'll throw a fit good enough for a 5 year old to compete with. LOL.

God, I can't tell you how epic your writing is, (be prepared to read the word epic a lot of from me. lol) how much its improved from the first HOM chapter. its so vividly detailed, so descripitive. i dont know how you can write stuff like this in a matter of days, or hours and so close to the competition's deadline too! i guess it just comes with lots of practice.

their chemistry here is SO intense especially after she's all grown up. i thought it was gonna be nessie as a child, boy was i wrong. LOL. i noticed it after the gaps, and the way you subtly changed the details, descriptions, their mannerisms, and especially dialogue. its ALL there, so subtly yet succinctly put. OMG you deserve a LaTuaCantante award at the sparkle awards. (mental note: nominate Nadia next time.)

but anyways, god i felt the heat and her yearnings, desires. and his too even! i feel like i know jacob so well now. lol. it was MAJOR. even though it wasn't as "graphic" or detailed as HOM not that thats graphic compared to others i've read...but..oh you know what i mean!

silly nessie. not believing jacob could love her back. ;) but i totally understand her reasons cos i'd totally react the same. its how i do react always lol.

the way you described her confusion, her feelings, was PERFECT. spot on! i couldn't have done it, said it, thought it better myself. you just know her so well or girls in general like her so well, its miraculous!

"Can I be yours?" - EPIC shudders.

"I'm yours, honey, you know that." - DOUBLE epic shudders.

"You're the best girl in the world, you know that, right?" He asked suddenly, and Nessie nodded shyly. Jake always told her she was the best girl in the world. - aww i love them like this too :D too adorable for words.

i LOVE this. BEST description, (TOTAL EPICNESS), EVER! while she ruminated as to why she and what she felt for him and what she wanted, and when she finally realized. i was like UGH. i felt what she felt - relief, clarity of mind, and scared. it really resonated with me from deep within. but i didnt quote the whole altho i LOVE her whole mental conversation/rumination on it.

"And like a thousand bricks, it crushed down on her. She wanted it to mean that he wanted her too.

To be his. Not his friend, not his playmate. She wanted to be his like . . . Emily was Sam's and Rachel was Paul's. Like her mother was her father's.

She loved Jacob, she had always loved him, and nothing about that had changed, which must have been why she hadn't noticed it. It had to have been the only reason.

She wanted everything. She loved him, loved him and she needed to be near and around him to be breathe. She needed to touch him to be happy. Jacob was no longer just her brother or her best friend or her playmate, even though he was all of that still . . . he was the . . . man that she loved.

And that was really, really scary." and then this: WOW. it felt like a ton of bricks lifted off me, and whoosh of air just passed through me/left me. like a really deep sigh. i love THIS. like i said EPIC.

and then the classic, earth shattering, TRIPLE SHUDDER moment/line: '"You always have been, Nessie."

And then, the bonfire crackling and the beat of music a thousand years old pounding behind them, Jacob pulled her lips back to his.'

PERFECTION.
kiki chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
that was the best keep up the good work!
Pierniczek chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
Wow.

I love the simplicity of their relationship at the beginning. And the way she define everything in simplest words. And how you make strange "owning Jacob" thing natural. And how she understands things on her own child way. And her insecurity and... Jacob with crayons... pardon, colored pencils. Oh.

It's just great somehow cute and... deep? story.

Now using the wonderful way of expressing my feelings without words that internet offers us, time for the most important part of my review:

3
Topsy Krett Scheisse chapter 1 . 11/7/2009
Aw man, that was so adorable! I love all your stories! I just have one question - how old was nessie in that?

-Rebecca
Diamond.Black chapter 1 . 11/6/2009
I hate to say it, because HoM is my favourite fanfic of all of them, but I really wish that this was how it happened in HoM.. it so beautiful, i absolutely love it to bits.. you've done superbly.
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