|Reviews for Love season in Avatar Gang|
| Albinokitens300 chapter 4 . 9/1/2012
*claps loudly* best thing ever!
| HelloDarlingDear chapter 4 . 3/25/2012
I LOVE THIS FAN FICTION! xD great job!
| itsmidnighthere chapter 4 . 6/28/2011
This story was so cute :]
loved it! 3
| ShadowAlex1 chapter 4 . 12/14/2010
lol pretty good
| Tjjk chapter 4 . 11/26/2009
Hiya! You told me to review, so here I am! :P I have a few things to point out, so bear with me, 'kay? D
You're not a bad writer, that's for sure, and you certainly have a lot of potential. That being said, I think you're limiting yourself with your prose. Everything seems so rushed, almost like you can't wait to get it over with. Like when Aang and Katara confess their feelings for each other, the moment of passion is cut very short, leaving the reader with a feeling of whiplash. There are many things you could have done to prolong the intensity of the moment. For example, Aang may have hesitated with confessing his feelings for quite a while. After all, this is the secret he's kept for nearly the entire series! Katara may not have been so forward about her question. She may not have even admitted to herself at this point that she likes Aang! It takes a lot of guts to tell somebody you like them, so adding more stress and drama to the situation will make it that much more believable.
It also seems like you try too hard to get to the point. Relax a bit! Add some description and detail about the surroundings, the characters' feelings, and the circumstances. Your reader will be patient for this, let me assure you of that. If it helps, try looking at pictures of weather or environments that represent your story. Even if you just add a little description about the falling rain, observing it from out your window can really help set the mood and the tone of the story. Looking at Kataang pictures, for example, will help you better recognize the relationship between Aang and Katara, and that, in turn, will help you capture their personalities more thoroughly in your writing.
You like reading novels, yeah? I suggest paying attention to published authors' grammar and structure. Yours isn't bad or anything like that (haha!), but you seem to make some structural errors that can't really be described since each varies from the next. Also, try and keep to one narrator for at least a couple of paragraphs, and when switching to the next, mark this by double-spacing. Remember that sometimes, the more personal a narrator is, the more emotions are easily expressed. Also, a single narrator can have an easier time of describing what another character feels on the outside better than the author forcefully telling the reader this. It adds to the realism.
Finally, I think you should know that your dialogue is pretty good, and you really seem to have the characters, well, in-character. One of the most important rules in writing fan fiction is to never lose sight of the characters. They aren't yours, after all (and even if they were, you wanna keep them to their personalities!). Keep up on that because you're doing a fine job right now.
Okay, wow, that was kind of long, but I hope it was helpful! :) You have so much potential, and I want to see you rise up and use it! Don't give up - just keep plowing through until your writing is fantastic! - TJJK
| Lellz chapter 3 . 11/7/2009
Now this is an intresting story. :P