|Reviews for The Very First Love of My Life|
| RADAMESAIDA chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
| romirola chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
| One Fine Wire chapter 1 . 12/27/2009
Ah, lovely, and I very much agree with you. I think Mereb deserves more recognition as a character. I love how you took the reader into his past and childhood with Aida; its very interesting to see that they once loved each other.
I also liked that he held onto that hope despite being captured and taken to Egypt. I liked that he held onto it even he knew that Aida was in love with someone else. It goes more into depth concerning Mereb's idealism, and I like that.
My only nitpick was sentance structure. For example, when writing dialogue, instead of this:
“Let’s play a game.” she says, giggling like a child.
Write dialogue like this:
"Let's play a game," she says, giggling like a child.
In the first example, the dialogue, and the person saying it, is two separate sentances. This makes for awkward reading and writing. With the second example, however, the dialogue, and the person saying it, is one cohesive sentance. Here, the dialogue, and the sentance overrall, flows more smoothly.
Other than that though, I think that this is a great fic. :)
| HC247 chapter 1 . 11/13/2009
This was very nice. I've never seen a fic that delves into Aida's relationship with Mereb as a child. I like it.
Also, I must commend you for writing in second person, as it's often very difficult. Good work.