Reviews for Just Taking a Nap?
CJW143 chapter 1 . 5/6/2010
Awesome, great plot, spelling, wording ect. well on to the next chappie...
bk00 chapter 6 . 5/6/2010
love it! really great chapter, especially with Blackfire showing up! Loved BB's thought process for this. fun as all get out!
Xellda chapter 5 . 4/7/2010
Can't wait for am update!
Kalnar chapter 5 . 3/29/2010
First Impression:

Better than average chapter, nothing that jumps out and grabs me, but definitely good.

Pros:

Character development

Grammar

Cons:

-Minor flow issues

Overall:

Flow issues

This sentence “(Raven noticed her latest attempt to be contrite and tactful sure hadn't lasted long . . .)” could be written a bit better. I think it would have been improved without the parenthesis. “Raven noticed with considerable vexation that her latest attempt to be contrite and tactful hadn’t lasted for anywhere near as long as she had hoped.” I added the vexation phrase to try to get the same mood off the ellipsis. The last part “lasted…hoped” just seemed to fit. You can keep it or get rid of it. Totally optional.

Character development

The part where you are in reading what Raven’s thinking (the part in italics) was well done. It wasn’t amazing to the point of deity status, but it’s very easy to mess up a little and bomb that portion. It worked well. Also, you presented a very plausible side of Raven (ear scratch) that added unseen and interesting depth to the character.

Grammar

No major problems

Chapter Score:

8/10

Story Score:

6/10

Is the chapter recommended:

Yes. This chapter is held aloft by the character development. For such a short chapter, I was pleasantly surprised at the information quantity in the chapter.

Is the story recommended:

Not right now, no. Right now the story has been mostly forgettable. This chapter holds more promise, so I look forward to seeing where this can go. Keeping the character development coming, as well as increasing chapter length are the two things I would do to make the next chapter as good if not better. Do that and I guarantee that both scores will improve.
Somewhere In Time chapter 5 . 3/27/2010
All the exclamation points are making me dizzy. But anyway, I love how Raven's overreacting...x]
Somewhere In Time chapter 4 . 3/27/2010
BB and Rae, regarding the same thing in opposite views. :]
YumeTakato chapter 5 . 3/25/2010
X3 I really enjoyed that last line. XD It made everything super awesome and left it on a cool note. See you next time!
OPG chapter 4 . 2/21/2010
I love this story.I love how you ease your way into a Raven and BB when you add another chapter I think there should be more foucs on how BB feels about Raven.
DarkRapture chapter 4 . 2/11/2010
Yay! Story time! Me likey story time! You keep writing stories, or I eat your bones!

DarkRapture
AWordToTheNot-So-Wise chapter 2 . 1/23/2010
Raven seems a little dirty-minded right now, and that experiment thing, HILARIOUS!
AWordToTheNot-So-Wise chapter 1 . 1/23/2010
ROTFL!
Ravenn03 chapter 4 . 1/17/2010
I can't wait to see the next kiss scene. Love Raven's embarrassment and how he looked at the "prettier head". Nice job, please update soon.
Ravenn03 chapter 2 . 1/17/2010
I liked this chapter it was cute. Love how Raven knew about the mistle toe but instead of taking it down she helped fix it. That's pretty funny. One day I hope they talk about all those funny things they did.
Ravenn03 chapter 1 . 1/16/2010
This was cute and made me laugh. Love StarFire's confusion.
Demonking101 chapter 4 . 1/14/2010
nice nice so raven saved bb and now they are kinda fighting. Well at least raven was. BB should just go talk to her the next day. I like how this story is going. the chapters could be a little longer if you as me and is there any type of fluff. keep up the good work
69 | « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 .. Last Next »