|Reviews for Unfortunately Illogical|
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/21/2010
I have to say that I really like this. It's very Pratchett-esque and well written. With regards to the accent it can be a little hard to read sometimes, but I agree with tc, you could let some wear off under the Ankh-Morporkian influances ;)
I'm looking foreward to some sneak peaks at the count and Igor again. Keep writing!
| ratpigeon chapter 3 . 2/10/2010
Ineffably Pratchett-esque. I do look forward to reading more. Although I am worried that if logic becomes too prevalent on the Disc, A'tuin and the elephants might cark it due to lack of atmosphere to breathe in...
Anyway, do keep writing...
| BillyTheMadHatter chapter 3 . 2/7/2010
Hmm? Logic on the Discworld? Me likey.
| BillyTheMadHatter chapter 2 . 1/14/2010
Pretty good, 'specially since Erich is so absolutly pathetic at times. It's nice to run into someone like that in fanfiction once in a while.
| Valar Morghulis chapter 2 . 1/11/2010
Hello again! This chapter's even better than the last one; even the basics, like your writing style and sense of humour, are very remniscent of Pratchett himself, and fit perfectly. Again, just a few nitpicks - Vimes says 'man' a few times, which I don't think fits with his voice (or does it? A bit foggy on the books, please let me know if I'm wrong). Otherwise his speech is spot on.
The accent was a lot better, still a few instances where it was a little strong though - for example, 'blut' for 'blood'
I am also slightly confused as to Vimes' words at the end of the chapter - "ng magic"? Was that meant to be him swearing?Didn't work.
Once again, keep up the good work!
| tc chapter 1 . 12/17/2009
Ditto (or should that be Tritto?) on the crits re accent. You aren't doing badly, by any means, but it does distract. Perhaps Erich can let some of it wear off under the influence of cosmopolitan AM? Also, perhaps the conjunction of The Count, his son and the Igor just made the accents stand out and this won't usually be an issue.
I get the idea that the force of Erich's attitude towards his environment is going to wreak havoc with the 'natural' order of things in AM? If that's the case, you need to set the scale of the effect in the first chapter. Perhaps you have, with the squelching of the 'vezzer' and the 'volves' but I wonder if the effects on Igor and The Count shouldn't be more pronounced? I feel that they have been perhaps too subtly affected. Also, I wonder if the affects will always be negative? Perhaps some positive feedback would be humorous, such as a strong enhancement of Hex's computational prowess?
Looking forward to fun and games when Erich visits UU!
| Hrun chapter 1 . 12/2/2009
I should warn you abbout that accent. Is dangerous mess with your own language. That makes your character funny, for sure, and is unespected, a surprise, if i can say, but the story wont be funny if you cant understand the characters. You'r doing well so far, but, sometimes, i have to strugle to understand the count, and that isn't good for a comic story, so take it easy on that OK? Make it lighter, but was a good idea.
I like the plot. You had great ideas, and i think your story has a lot of potential. Work on it.
Really, i don't see any problem abbout the story happen in Ankh-Morpork, that's the usual abbout the Discworld books... Besides, there is no problem abbout the count desapearing for a few chapters, just make sure we can have a sneakpeak soemtimes, that is one of Pratchets favorite ressources and you should use as well.
You are a good writer, and i'm wainting to see what happens next. See'ya.
| Valar Morghulis chapter 1 . 11/27/2009
Looks very promising. One problem is that the accents are rather overdone in some places. For example, "Theoretically it’s possible but I sink ve should be sinkink in terms of livink in harmony vis ze vezzer…", where seeing normal words is almost jarring. Of course there's nothing wrong with leaving 'theoretically' unaltered - but compared to the rest of the dialogue, it seems radically different.
I also sort of get the feeling that the rest of the story will have nothing to do with the first chapter...which would be a shame, as ze Count von Baronheim seems very interesting. Perhaps (if my suspicions were right, and you weren't already planning to) you might want to link Ankh Morpork and Uberwald in the plot somehow.
One more nitpick: the first line says that "a wolf howled." But near the end, Igor states that there have been no wolves heard around for years. Just a small thing.
This review's been a bit heavy on the criticism. Only because you asked for it, though - overall, this seems a great story which I would love to see continued soon. You seem to have an interesting plot planned out, so good luck and happy writing.