|Reviews for At What Point Did I Lose Control Of This Flirting?|
| DrYuriMom chapter 5 . 11/21/2012
Kiss me? Come to bed with me? You are evil, you know this. I knew going into it that you were going to turn those phrases on their ear, but even prepared as I was for something different from the expectation, you still wove a delightful tale that kept surprising me.
I think the only (minor) criticism I might have is that it seems Shiuzma is left in Ch 3 with a guilty sense of wrongness about 'picking daisies', yet in the anime she is still happily doing so...even after she first meets Nagisa. Then again you did end with there still being work to be done. It isn't a big stretch that Shizuma is a bit neurotic in her 'flower arranging'. Rome wasn't built in a day, even by the likes of Empress Chikaru...
Yay, someone else who has read the novels and knew Tamao's history as one of Shizuma's discards! I had it pegged immediately during the conversation between Chikaru and Shizuma, but then again that revelation by Kimino-sensei was one of the most profound moments for me as I ready the light novels. When integrated into the anime-based story, it can make for some very interesting storytelling. I love your take on it, although I am increasingly glad I am a year and over 200k words into my SP! universe before reading all this or I would never have had the courage to embark on Voices of the Present and Echoes of the Past. I still haven't hit Yamiberry yet and you're already intimidating the Hell out of me. :p
So, I wonder if we ever find out somewhere in your writings how Nagisa reacts to there having been history between her GF and BFF? I have addressed that in Voices and I'd be curious to see how another more gifted author handles that little literary landmine.
The way you had Chikaru turn the tables on Shizuma was delicious. I will say I am feeling just a hint that your Chikaru is a little 'too perfect', but then again I am nibbling around the edges of your magnum opi pending your guidance on whether I should watch Yamiboshi before I read Yamiberry, I may be getting an imperfect sense of the character by reading more whimsical satellite works. I am absolutely keeping an open mind.
It is exceedingly rare to encounter on fanfiction someone (even other females given most are so young and hormone drenched) insightful enough about women in general, and lesbians in particular, to pull out steaming tea as hot lesbian sex. Its more of an adult perspective, but then Chikaru is a very mature young lady. The end of Ch 5 was downright marvelous and I am treasuring it already. :-)
| yurimylove chapter 5 . 12/19/2011
Wow... I guess if there's to be anyone in Astraea Hill with greater seductive power than Shizuma, it'll have to be Chikaru-SAMA! And that legendary kiss - described in such vivid, luscious details - well, to quote a line from Hollywood, "I'll have what she's having" _;
Then there's that bedroom scene. Shizuma PWNED? Now you don't see THAT any old day LOL When I saw the chapter 2 title I thought surely it's Shizuma who's asking something bold like that, for a first date... but alas! You had me totally fooled. I like that merry-widow - sophisticated! In fact, it's so sophisticated that, I had to look up wiki to find out what the heck it is XP
Chapter 3 is a very emotionally touching piece. I think it provides a very good exploration and contrast of how Chikaru and Shizuma each deal with their devestating lose in their own ways. Plus a nicely placed hint about what is to come, no less. Anyone who's read my previous "reviews", however, would not be surprised to hear that chapter 4 is my absolute favorite in this series (so far). Being a big Shizuma fan myself, I totally agree with Miyuki when she says that Shizuma is "one of those amazing people". Yes, just leave it to her to do something so unexpected as to ask her romantic rival out on a date. Ever since reading about that concisely summarized first date between Shizuma and Tamao in Hand Me Downs, I've been hoping to see more about it. Now my wish has been granted, in this powerful, tear-inducing chapter - there IS a Haruhi after all w
The marriage proposal scene, told from Shizuma's viewpoint this time, is very refreshing to read. I found it interesting that, Shizuma is actually not as self-confident and invulnerable as she appears to people around her. I think it serves to make her more human. All in all, I think this story is a PERFECT companion piece to Hand Me Downs, and I look forward to reading the next chapter presumably focusing on events after HMD.
| SmileyFace chapter 5 . 12/1/2011
This is freaking awesome! :D when i saw the anime some parts i find it confusing but after seeing this its like you wrote the real thing xD. Keep up the good work! Can't wait for the next chapter hope it won't be the last though
| GeshronTyler chapter 5 . 8/25/2010
Nice character piece. It's a shame Miyuki's fate couldn't be fair, but there's always the possibility that her husband could screw up and give a reason for a divorce. Have to be a darned good reason though, to make it worth the scandal, and I fear that something like that would probably involve more pain for Miyuki.
That line of Chikaru's was just pure gold, though. I'll never think the same way about that line again. )
Thanks, read you another time.
| GeshronTyler chapter 1 . 8/25/2010
Oh lol, I so could see Chikaru doing that.
| Penumbrelle chapter 5 . 7/30/2010
First chapter is still the most powerful of the set. I feel like I need to commend you for that one again. The subsequent chapters are much heavier emotionally, but I liked them and the characters stayed in character most of the time. Overall I think that continuing your story was the correct choice.
| kaizer20 chapter 5 . 7/3/2010
Isn't this supposed to be romance? T_T
| shanejayell chapter 5 . 5/7/2010
VERY very cute. :)
| EmperorOfLemurs chapter 5 . 4/25/2010
Finally, you actually do a little bit about Miyuki! The wedding scene was equal parts heartwarming and heartbreaking, and my only complaint was that it was too short and wound up being too focused on Shizuma. I want to hear what happens to Miyuki (granted there are a few fics on this site solely devoted to that, but still...)
The second part didn't feel especially recycle; its been a long time since the chatper with the proposal was released and we never saw anything from Shizuma's point of view. In the original it looked like a bit of seriousness crossed with Shizuma's typical melodramatic romanticness, but here we see a good deal more emotion going on.
Anyways, good job, looking forward to the next chapter and I hope you explain Miyuki's ultimate fate a bit further (though you've likely planned to already).
| World of Dragons Productions chapter 5 . 4/24/2010
Leave it to Kaijura Yuki to make the perfect soundtrack to a situation such as this. Once again my heart goes out to poor Miyuki whose stuck being with some doucher her parents gave to, and for what, some more money and status they don't need? I swear to christ it's sick to see people treat their children like a two-bit bargaining chip. Sometimes I wish somebody would crash the wedding and wisk her away, and give all involved in that sham of a wedding a swift kick in the ass. But alas such a thing will only remain a dream...
Okay, now that little rant's over with, let me get to the heart of the matter. Once again we get to see Shizuma's musings and thoughts as these things occur and this time the part with her wedding proposal. Yeah, the proposal was recycled and all that, but it was nice to revisit and in a way it felt different seeing it through Shizuma's perspective rather than Hazuki's.
Anyway, I'll be waiting for the next installment.
| Luce The Genius Panda chapter 5 . 4/24/2010
i like it... the way you write it was so interesting and i really hope you update soon enough...
| ninemil chapter 5 . 4/23/2010
You know, that tea line is never going to get tired, no mater how many times you find excuse to revisit it ;)
And so, enter Miyuki Rokujo. Once again, I must take a moment to repeat just how happy I am to finally see you go there – given how critical she is to the anime canon, (and in so many ways, other than just that of her Council role,) her absence from your fic so far felt somewhat odd… Sure, it made for a rather carefree and light atmosphere, but it still felt odd nonetheless. But here you are, plugging the gap – this and the earlier scenes between Chikaru and Shizuma make this vignette a must in my mind, rather than an optional addition, to the Yamiberry canon
Interesting to see you choose this particular point, of all of those potentially available, for our first encounter with the once Miatorian Council President. Do we presume, given the reflective narrative, that the lack of communication since graduation between the once roommates is indicative of their relationship off camera since the end of the anime?
And does it really take the long feared wedding date itself to motivate Shizuma enough to visit her old friend, or was she just overwhelmed time-wise with University and Nagisa in the mean time? Interesting extrapolations available almost immediately as a result of not a huge portion of the word count…
Anyway, here we have a woman on the precipice, hovering in the shadows of predawn before the mundane glory of her new life… and she’s still rebellious and resentful of her parents to the very end. For westerners such as ourselves, it’s so difficult to relate to the concept of parentally controlled arranged marriage, but from the experiences I’ve had related to me, Miyuki’s air as Shizuma attempts to make light conversation with her sums it up beautifully. And her flippant recount of the hair cut the crowning point.
Perhaps a little odd to see Shizuma question past moments on such a critical moment for her friend’s future life, but the conversation it leads to remains immensely relevant regardless, and it once again reinforced the impression that much had been left unsaid between these two in the interim. I found the contention over Nagisa’s character between the two girls wonderfully authentic of those earlier days, as well as Miyuki’s musings on what might have been the best choice for everyone involved during those critical junctures prior to the Etoile election.
And then you twist the knife. I had to feel for Miyuki as she ponders her unachievable dreams and pushes the “Do you love her?” question out, but the catalyst it provides for Shizuma is commendable in the aftermath. Still, it’s hard to see her stuck in such a hollow place, miserable enough to find someone else’s potential happiness enough of a torch to rationalize the bondage she’s about to enter into… (Unless, of course, there’s more on that subject to come?)
Anyway, returning to the proposal scene, it was wonderful to relive the process through Shizuma’s eyes directly this time, with the appropriate mental narrative attached to it. I really think you’ve nailed Shizuma’s character down to a tee here, completely with momentary flash of doubt as Nagisa takes too long to reply. Good stuff :D
Which puts us at ‘Come Live with Me?’ – presumably in reference to Bows closing scenes? I wonder how much of that crazy existence we’ll get to see, or is this the stuff of future sequels?
Moar please! :D
| MissIzzyB chapter 5 . 4/23/2010
Really lovely... What a pity that Miyuki went through with it though! I guess not everyone is supposed to have their happy ending...
| FullmetalStorm chapter 5 . 4/22/2010
:) how sweet... No, i really do love your fanfic, but it's just that i beleive in tamaoXnagisa that i feel like i'm betraying them by reading this and liking it. :') it's just so good, but i will always be faithful to tamaoXnagisa. Great job!
| Tuume chapter 5 . 4/22/2010
A stunning chapter. You managed to put in the angst and slight regret with Shizuma and Miyuki, yet softened it with their friendship and experiences. Shizuma's proposal was the cherry on top.