Reviews for Survivor
Twilightfan108 chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
lol luv it i really want 2 see the next chap plz
Russel fan chapter 1 . 3/9/2010
When I first was a crossover for Twlight and Survivor I laughed my ass off. But it was ok. :)
sarahqq chapter 1 . 12/9/2009
Sounds exciting so far. I wonder how you'd take through this? :)
Bitter Sea Light again chapter 1 . 11/16/2009
Okay, I might've acted a bit too fast. ;) Just for the record, do not put up stories if you are about to add content to it. Moving on to the reviewing.

As you pointed out for yourself, your English may have mistakes. I agree with that. Some places seem quite strange and completely out of place.

You use word repetition sometimes, and I spotted a few punctuation mistakes as well.

When referring to someone, use a comma before the referee. If the sentence continues after the name, add a comma after as well.

I could point them out for you, but I'm not here for betaing. :)

Never use A/Ns within the story. Leave them at the beginning or at the end of a chapter.

There wasn't enough background given. There was something, but it was too little. For example, Luni. What kind of dog is (s)he? What does the fur look like? Is there a story how Bella got the dog? Apply this technique to other parts of your story as well.

This chapter has a good flow... up until the part where the cameramen arrive. Then you pick up the pace and everything is just a big blur. ;) Try to make it a bit... slower by giving more background, meaning, describe the background more.

As for the plot, it seems to be a nice idea. Something that I haven't encountered yet, so it always positive to read another point of view about Twilight. :) The only thing: this is a Twilight-Survivor crossover. Label it accordingly.

To sum things up, this was worth reviewing. ;) As I said in the previous review, the summary seemed interesting, and now, when you have added the story to it... I had been right. ;) The idea was original, but you leave me room to pick on your English a bit, as well as on your story-telling ability. I am sure if you find a qualified beta, you could make this story shine.

-BSL

'Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery. I quit such odious subjects as soon as I can.' -Jane Austen
Bitter Sea Light chapter 1 . 11/16/2009
*shakes head* I wanted to leave a review, since the summary seemed promising. Now... You have been reported.

-BSL

'Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery. I quit such odious subjects as soon as I can.' -Jane Austen