|Reviews for Persona 4: Split Personalities|
| Seigi Machine Zero chapter 20 . 11/16/2010
OK, long story short:
- I like how you described Yosuke's last (implicitly), along with the hilariousness and bickering that comes after.
- ...and the rooftop convo. How the hell Tomoe knows about Fashion Hour? XD
- Kintoki got tricked? Sweet.
- ...aaand, definitely LOVE the Persona'l Problems. OMG, Matador, are you a fan of Barcelona or Real Madrid? XD
| Xoraan chapter 20 . 11/16/2010
Finally, the first evolved persona of the lot. It was pretty amusing how you made Susano-o suddenly appear like that. I've imagined that a few times with Kanji to be honest.
And the lying to Kintoki was priceless. I'm still seeing the rivalry between Yukiko/Konohana and Rise/Himiko and I'm still loving it. A little pointer, maybe Konohana's transformation to Amaterasu should make her pretty embarrassed, considering that Amaterasu's body is very much... exposed. I'll be awaiting the next chapter.
| Trickymander chapter 20 . 11/16/2010
I was kinad woundering what will happen when they evolved and now I do thanks
| Sky Zephyrus chapter 20 . 11/16/2010
Yeah so cool. Jiraiya had transmogrified into Susano-o. So cool. Wonder when the others will follow?
| Punisher143 chapter 19 . 11/8/2010
Nice chapter. Also, I'm going to consider the whole finger trick thing to be a big lipped alligator moment. Keep up the good work.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
(Souji's room morning)
[His room is in mourning? How sad! Especially the missing punctuation /sarcasm]
if you can call it sleep after going through the things he went through he had a hard time just closing his eyes.
[Long and awkwardly worded sentence]
hurt a guy baddly
voice he heard but
"They never had things like these before, I've never seen healthy teeth like than on someone at his age they usually start to turn yellow
[Although dental care was inconsistent in Japan prior to the close of the Meiji era (when even the poor gained good equipment and access to dentists), but the wealthier citizens were not without care. Just because they didn’t have ‘western medicine’ doesn’t mean they didn’t have medicine]
whoever you are just
"interesting," the voice said
He saw in the reflection that behind him was someone
[I don’t think there would be a “gasp, spin around” moment. Izanagi is pretty unmistakable, I think it would proceed more like “gasp, drop toothbrush and gape at the terrifying thing in the mirror reflection, and after a few moments turn around”]
"Oh… alright then, breakfast is ready when you come down," Nanako said leaving.
[Why would she enter when she’s got nothing to do there? She’s just knocked and left messages at Souji’s door before]
"Do you uhh… see anything strange?" Souji asked.
[Well, at this point Souji would still technically be a stranger…]
"Amazing being able to bring the water from a river here right to you," Izanagi said looking at the faucet.
[Look up the Indus Valley civilization for history’s first known example. Plumbing is not a post-industrial development, both China and Japan had it for quite a while prior to the reintroduction of the West]
At first he was freaking out at the thought of other people seeing him,
[Overly strong wording given the fairly mild expressions and the fact that he’s still leaving like normal]
can't anyone see you
even though he was a genius he wouldn't be able to figure that out.
[I have no idea what this was supposed to mean]
it's due to something similar
[“due to” muddles the sentence, I think deleting it would smooth things out]
"Not exactly, it
is complicated I don't
you have the proper definition's in your language
[…have the words in your language…]
Why are there these things next to us?"
[Because the story would be awkward if they lived inside and only poked out through their eyes every once in a while. You know. I think TV Tropes would call that Eye Scream]
like we're not here it's
"I was talking to Izanagi,…Though where did he come from?"
[Oh, I don’t know…just maybe one of Japan’s founding and most famous gods!]
Wait so you he
[1: “Wait,” and 2: I’m not sure exactly what he’s saying here. Is he speaking to Izanagi or Souji? Or is he asking if they’re both the same in any mental sense?]
putting my had
My family thought I was crazy when I tried to show him,"
I went through this whole town and no one could see Izanagi, and no one saw Jiraiya right?"
[No extra journey was described. Nobody else they’ve run across can see them, so why not stick with something small like that? “nobody else can see them, so there’s no problem…”, something like that]
"There see, so long as we don't tell anyone or talk to them in public there shouldn't be any problems,"
[And even that’s pretty flexible, if earlier applications of this idea (such as Quantum Leap) are any indication]
your guys not
[Yosuke literally says “groan”? I do that, but I’m sarcastic]
"Alright look talking
"Your right, if
whoever it is they must be
this had surprised Souji.
[Why, didn’t they already decide something like this before or shortly after Yosuke faced his own Shadow?]
"heh heh, well glad
"Just don't try to cause any trouble for me you frog… ninja… thing," Yosuke said.
"Oh don't worry I'll be sure to try," Jiraiya said.
[I’d have thought it would say “no need to *try*”]
The idea is unique, I think, but it’s bogged down with technical errors. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar mistakes make it harder to follow. Character personalities are already changing, making it harder still to tell if this is the tough issue of logical change or if they’re acting contrary to canon.
| Musashisuya chapter 19 . 10/30/2010
Great story so far. The reincarnation thing was a pretty nice twist. Made me laugh at who Yosuke was in his past life (*COUGHPERYSAGECOUGH!). Oh, and I have one thing to say to Jaraiya:
Keep working on that jutsu! You'll get it to work eventually... Although I would suggest trying to avoid Rise and Himiko. Remember, SHE CAN READ THE PERSON'S THOUGHTS!
| Seigi Machine Zero chapter 19 . 10/27/2010
This chap went pretty well with the story and the jokes (albeit few typos... like usual)
The only thing that bugs me is... Am I the only one who didn't get the Persona'l Problems?
| Liber-T.E.A chapter 19 . 10/25/2010
Hilarious. The finger trick was absolutely hilarious.
| Trickymander chapter 19 . 10/21/2010
Jiraiya should have remembered that Himiko could scan and detect disguesd people.
| BonusParts chapter 19 . 10/21/2010
A couple of mistypes here and there (your/you're, its/it's, and a few misspellings), but nothing that glaring.
That said, I liked the running gag of Souji's magic trick quite a bit - it really sewed a lot of the scenes together nicely. Izanagi trying to master it was funny, and Konohana's initial reaction was adorable. She's got a lot of spunk to her, behind that genteel facade, just like Yukiko.
For a cast this large, there were some nice standout moments from a bunch of them, notably in the Naoto scene, when everyone's discussing the case. Kintoki feels a little bit out of place, still; perhaps that's just because he is *so* different from the other Personas' relaxed personalities. We haven't seen all of the Personas, yet, though, so maybe the last few will even him out.
Nice conversation in the Velvet Room about the additional Personas, too. I liked Souji's concern over Izanagi's power levels, and I'm interested to see if you take that further. Also, good point about the mythological Personas; I always considered that they weren't the real gods and heroes, either, but more personal representations created by the wielder, to which those beings took name, form and identity.
Remember to give yourself a break if you need to. We're all following the story regardless of how often you update, so don't sweat a hiatus now and then.
| Patcheresu chapter 19 . 10/21/2010
| kou32 chapter 19 . 10/21/2010
awesome as always
| Xoraan chapter 19 . 10/20/2010
I like that last part with Take, I can imagine someone like Kanji/Take doing that. The part with the finger trick doesn't necessarily sit well with me, but that's just me. The Persona'l problem in this one was very, very original, I give thee an applause (a.k.a, I like it very much).
I'm looking forward to Mitsuo's dungeon and the small rival moments between Yukiko and Rise. I mean, you have to have those moments in a partial romance story.
Can't wait for the next chapter, so hurry before I go crazy.
| XoreandoX chapter 19 . 10/20/2010
Not too bad of an update, liked the joke at the end involving Take, given that he was standing guard at Rise's house originally for like a whole day. Also liked the Omake at the end.