Reviews for True Devotion
Rattlesnake316 chapter 8 . 4/8/2010
This was brilliant!, I wouldn't mind reading a sequel but this time revolving around Exile and Jenna, Great Story tellng aswell, you really showed the emotion between Hunter and Colleen
Phoenix710 chapter 8 . 2/8/2010
You did a great job with this chapter...I really loved the ending with Exile starting to get close to Jenna, and the ex Cano-Mutants being made members of the Space Rovers. The end scene with Hunter and Colleen was really nice too. Great job, and I'll be watching for your next story.
Repicheep22 chapter 8 . 2/7/2010
Another great addition to your series. Your portayal of Hunter and Colleen's seperation and Axel's predicament at being the leader in their absense were done very well. Altogether, it was a very enjoyable read.

However, I do have a bit of constructive criticism.

First, the whole bad-guys-are-actually-good-guys-being-controlled thing seemed a bit contrived. It came really out of nowhere and the Rovers accepted their explantion with little to no suspicion. I mean, they were responisible for their best friends' disappearance. I know I'd be a little susupisious if they all of a sudden claimed they were being controlled. I think it would have been a bit more realistic if they'd been a bit more suspicious of the super Cano-Mutants.

Second, the ending bedroom scenes with Axel/Ariel and Hunter/Colleen seemed very anticlimactic. The story basically ended with "They kissed, had sex, and went to sleep." With something like that, it's usually better to let the reader fill in the gaps. May I suggest something along these lines? (The stuff in double brackets is stuff I added.)


"Ariel smiled, “Still you were able to pull it off, and now I know you have the qualities of a leader.”

Axel nodded, “I know…but I would rather let Hunter handle that for now.”

[[Ariel laughed softly and kissed her husband.

"Well," she said, "you did very well today." She gave him a playful look. "I think you deserve a reward."

Axel smiled back.

"If you insist," he replied.]]

Meanwhile Hunter and Colleen entered their room, and once Colleen closed the door she was surprised when Hunter hugged her. “What is this for?” she said as she returned it.

Hunter spoke while hugging her, “I just glad to have you back in my arms. I missed you so much when we were separated.”

“So did I, I was worried and didn’t know it you were alright or not.”

Hunter raised his head as she stared into her blue eyes, “Same thing for me, But what kept me going was you. Just the thought of being able to have you back in my arms was able to keep me going. No matter what, my love for you is what’ll always keep me going.”

Colleen had tears in her eyes after hearing that, and she rested her head on his chest. “I’m so glad…Being back with you is all I asked for.”

“Me too,” He said as they both looked at each other again, and then they kissed each other. After a minute they broke apart. “You know Colleen; I’m not that tired right now.”


Then, end it right there. The reader knows what's going to happen, and it needs no further explanation.

But anyway, that's my two cents worth. Keep up the good work.
White Hunter chapter 8 . 2/7/2010
Great work on this story, I love the ending to it. I'm glad that Jason and the others have a new life as space road rovers. Can't wait to see what your next story is about.

White Hunter, howling out to you and the spirits!
Flint2008 chapter 8 . 2/7/2010
Great, happy ending. It just something about your stories that make them interesting. It's not too detailed but straight to the point and the same scenarios is used a lot, but repetitive wording in this story helps make it more entertaining and enjoyable. (Not saying it in a bad way)

Anyways, good chapter and story. I can't wait to read your next one. Question: Are you going to draw more pictures of your fan-characters? I would like to see what they look like from your perspective. :)
Flint2008 chapter 7 . 2/1/2010
Sorry I wasn't able to review your story in a month. I was purposely taking a break from this show.

But wow, good job on this story. It was really fun to read. I noticed a lot of familiar scenarios I have read from other fanfictions, but not saying that's a bad thing, it was pretty good. The moment I read about that new dog, I already knew what you had planned for the end. ;)

Can't wait for the final chapter.
Phoenix710 chapter 7 . 2/1/2010
Great job, especially when Parvo and Groomer got their butts kicked, and the battle tactics the Rovers all used. Hunter and Colleen's reunion was really nice too, and I'd like to see a nice dinner scene just for the two of them...they deserve some time to be together after what they've been through. Feel free to look through my fanfics for ideas and inspiration if you need to, and once again, great job.
White Hunter chapter 7 . 1/27/2010
Good work on this chapter, and I looks like Jason and the others are finally free from Parvo's control. I also like your avatar picture, it really suites you.

White Hunter, howling out to you and the spirits!
White Hunter chapter 6 . 1/15/2010
This is really getting tight, I hope Axel and the other will defeat these new experamints that Parvo created, and I hope that Hunter can find a way to defeat that over grown K9 mutant.

White Hunter, howling out to you and the spirits!
Phoenix710 chapter 6 . 1/15/2010
Nice job on this chapter, and I really liked Hunter taking out the Cano-Mutant. I'd really like to see some parts with Colleen thinking about Hunter as she sits there in the cell. Hope to see the other Rovers get them out soon and kick Parvo's butt for this. C Ya next time!
Phoenix710 chapter 5 . 1/2/2010
Awesome job, especially with Axel's idea to have Shag toss a smoke grenade and mask their approach from the Cano-Mutants. I hope they get to Hunter and Colleen soon, and really give Parvo and Groomer what they deserve.
White Hunter chapter 5 . 1/2/2010
Good work on this chapter, and yes I'm doing great this year. How about you, are you doing okay this year?

White Hunter, howling out to you and the spirits!
Phoenix710 chapter 4 . 12/23/2009
Looking good so far, and I hope the others make it in time to save Hunter and Colleen. A little suggestion: Maybe have Hunter and Colleen beat up Parvo and Groomer at the end. That aside, I really like the flow of this story, and I'll be watching for the next chapter.
White Hunter chapter 4 . 12/18/2009
Man, this is going to be tough for Hunter, I just hope Axel and the other will come to the rescue their friends as soon as possible. And I already know what you are going to say to me after I send this review: Just wait because I have a surprise at the end of this story. I'm waiting so don't worry, I'm being patient.

White Hunter, howling out to you and the spirits!
Flint2008 chapter 4 . 12/17/2009
Nice, simple chapter. I agree with the part where you have to believe in yourself. That plays a big role in life. Good job, so far. That fight was cool.
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