|Reviews for Blackbullet|
| icebluehost chapter 37 . 12/19/2010
Well at least you're still updating, even if it took 3 months. XD I can't really give much comment here since it's part of the P3 story. All I can say is update soon!
| James Birdsong chapter 34 . 7/17/2010
| Zasha Lavi Knight chapter 34 . 7/16/2010
Nice story, can't wait to see the conclusion!
| orgiarebrus chapter 34 . 7/15/2010
At last another chap to read.!
Now I'm starting to wonder the question you ask at the end of the chapter XD
Keep up the good work and update fast.! (hehe..)
| orgiarebrus chapter 1 . 7/1/2010
Hi there syphira.!
I've yet reviewed your fic due to the complicated usage of .
(To reduce spam, there 2 days of wait bla bla bla... what the heck.?)
I must say that your story is fantastic.!
I like the main character, since, well, she kicks asses yet she isn't Arnold Schwazeneger(uhm, spelling.?) who is super emo and can obliterate her entire opponents alone (what I'm trying to say is, she's strong, yet "fragile" at the same time)
The writing style isn't really hit me since some of the occurences are easy to be guessed, but as the story goes on, the story becomes much smoother(uhm, spelling again.?)
You chronicles the story from different point of view, yet can still liven up the story as if its the real story that takes place. I must praise you for that since, instead of simply retelling P3 with different MC, you create a whole new story with P3 elements as the supplement.
The grammar is great (i don't really pay attention to grammatical mistakes myself since... I'M LOOKING FOR STORY! NOT COMMAS OR FULL STOPS OR TENSES!). Some words are kind of repetitive, although it doesn't matter that much, variety of words, especially action verbs and adjectives can make the story more lively.
After all, it's a marvellous story and I'm glad that you are still into it although you don't get many reviews. I hate some noobs out there who write stories then plead for reviews, but when he/she doesn't get one or got flamed, he/she simply drop it down. Way to go Syphira.!
| Blackecplise chapter 32 . 6/5/2010
WOW! I like this one, and yeah, you did have some words there that needs work but don't worry! you're doing great!
I'll be rooting for you too~!
| Blackeclipse chapter 31 . 5/26/2010
an awesome chap Syphira~~~! I really like your story here! keep it up!
From~~~ Blackeclipse-sempai~ :D
| Blackecplise chapter 27 . 3/27/2010
WOW~! I like this one ~!
oh well, it is what makes us all stronger!
Don't worry! I'm sure everything will work out in the end! We got our whole lives ahead of us, so we must no waste it right~?
*laughs* I love the ending of the letter!, Shinji-kun~!
| Blackecplise chapter 26 . 3/19/2010
Noo~~! what happened?
Syphira-san~! this was great~~! You brought out Shinjiro's character right~! awesome!
| Cannibal Plant Zetsu chapter 26 . 3/19/2010
Shinji's death was my favorite part of the game so I'm excited that you are writing from a different perspective than we saw in the game. I', so excited to see who ends up shot/dead.
I'll have to wait until next chapter to see what happens with Takaya seemingly 'lying' to Dae. I think that Takaya cares about Dae too much for him to have been simply 'lying' the whole time she was in Strega. Please don't make it that Dae just goes back to SEES without having to face any sort of consequences, emotional or physical. I think that would be a little unrealistic.
I don't know if this was what you were going for, but I saw some sexual tension between Takaya and Dae. Especially in the scene where Takaya "grabbed her wrist" and "pulled her a little closer to him." It's creepy considering that Takaya is older, but it's so fun for me to read.
| Cannibal Plant Zetsu chapter 22 . 2/27/2010
This chapter was pretty interesting. I am looking forward to seeing the relationships that develop between the new members of Strega.
I also want to see how Strega reacts to Sesshou.
Is it going to turn out that Daedalus was another survivor of the Kirijo Group's forced persona experiments? That would explain why Dae's persona is so hostile and can only be controlled by suppressants. It would also explain why Takaya seems to be so fond of Dae. Sesshou seems to be far too much like Strega's persona's for it to be a coincidence.
| Cannibal Plant Zetsu chapter 21 . 2/18/2010
...uh let's see... I'm sorry for disappearing from the face of the earth for six weeks? I mean I've had finals, a death in the family,the flu, and lots of homework, but I've also just been very lazy. So sorry about that.
I like most of these recent developements. Especially concerning Shinji and Akihiko. Sorry for forgetting but Dae doesn't know that Shinji is dying, right? Akihiko does and he also knows Dae will die in a couple years as well, right? Poor Akihiko, soon Mitsuru will be the only important person he has left.
I can't wait to see the interaction between Dae, Takaya, and Jin. I'm very curious to see what their intial reactions will be. I'm sure that Takaya would appreciate a third member after the loss of Chidori, but the fact that she's practically useless in battle and needs so many supressants might keep her out of Strega.
Why did Dae tell SEES that she planned to join Strega anyway? How does she know they will accept her, and does she even know how to contact/where to find them?
I'm so looking forward to the next chapter.
| Cannibal Plant Zetsu chapter 16 . 1/3/2010
Yay. The suppressants have made an appearance. I can't wait to see how Dae will react when she finds out the side effects are, and if she will say anything to Shinji.
I really can't wait until Aki discovers the two of them. Thinking about it, the scene when Aki discovers Dae should be different than Shinji because Dae really doesn't have a choice in taking suppressants.
I really love the necklace and all the things it can do regarding the social links. I can't wait til the next chapter.
| Cannibal Plant Zetsu chapter 15 . 12/31/2009
Sorry, it took awhile to review, but this was actually the first chance I had to read the entire chapter without interuptions.
This was a big improvement over the previous chapters. It was longer and more indepth. I thought you had great character development for Dae and Shinji. I just thought of such a great idea for them. I think it would be a great if Shinji gave Dae some suppressants to help keep Sesshou under control. That could be some good bonding for the two of them Think of beyond epic the scene when Akihiko finds out would be if Shinji AND Dae was taking them:)
I liked the extra details about the necklace, and now I'm so curious about what it and Dae's powers are exactly.
This isn't as long as the last one. Good job so far.
| Cannibal Plant Zetsu chapter 14 . 12/21/2009
You're welcome for the fave. This story definitely deserves to be a favorite. In my writing class, whenever we review someone’s work we start with the positives, and then move on to things that could be improved. So that’s what I’ll do here.
I really love the storyline you have. I think that Dae’s persona resulting from her split personality is such a cool concept, or is her persona causing the personality split? That would be a good topic to explore sometime in this fic. I think it works really well and is compatible with the persona universe because personas and shadows are repressed human thoughts. I think that Dae’s relationship with Sesshou has a lot of potential, and I like how Sesshou has so much control over her conscious and unconscious mind. Although I think you have the right idea with the dark forest analogy, I found those scenes to be a little confusing and fast paced. Maybe next time you could slow down and use more detail to clarify those scenes.
I like that you added to social links aspect and that Dae is establishing social links of her own. Her relationship with Aki and presumably Shinji is my favorite part of the story. I really love the friendship you have going on. However, I honestly would prefer it if they didn’t become involved romantically. I just find that romantic relationships between old friends are difficult to write without ruining their friendship. I’d rather the two remain good friends than jeopardize that and start dating. I think her angel wing necklace is a neat tool, but I always find myself wondering if anyone else can see the glowing. I would clarify that as well.
One thing that surprised me about your story is how weak and dependent Dae is. I mean that in a good way. Usually authors turn their OC’s into self-inserts and make them into Mary sues. So, I was relieved when Dae was revealed to need so much help from SEES, both in and out of battle. However I noticed that it is becoming a recurring theme for Dae to pass out and remain in a ‘coma’ for days at a time. Be careful not to do this too often or it will become a little unbelievable. I would suggest that you limit Dae’s time passed out to an hour or a few hours if something really bad happens. Also I hope that Dae is able to progress on the battlefield, and learn some higher level attacks to keep up with the others. If you keep her helpless for too long you will start to enter Bella Swan territory, and Bella Swan is not a character you want to copy.
By far my biggest complaint is the way you word things such as speech tags. An example would be “she shouted somewhat.” That sounds awkward, and it is really noticeable when I’m reading. Also I noticed that you use ‘shout’ a lot in your speech tags when another word would have been more appropriate. My suggestion is to read your chapters aloud and see how it sounds. Make a note of awkward sentences, and use a thesaurus if necessary to find different words.
I would like to commend you on writing such a charming story for fourteen chapters without getting any reviews. I would not have been able to do that, so kudos:)