|Reviews for Atalante|
| SentinelSpockNimoy chapter 1 . 10/13/2011
I don't like Sauron as much here. I think he sounds just a tiny bit snobby...or would it be snooty. Oh, well, either way you get the idea of what I'm trying to say here.
By the way, in line 6, you put "wroth" when I think you meant "wrath". Just thought I'd let you know.
| The Wayfaring Strangers chapter 1 . 9/6/2011
This is so amazing! I always thought about what had to be going thruogh Sauron"s mind at the downfall of Numenor. This is Beeeeaaauuuuutttiiifffuuulll poem!
| Aria Breuer chapter 1 . 3/22/2011
This was a good poem to read.
I did find some grammatical mistakes when I read through this poem for the second time, but they were small errors. The first mistake I caught was on the fifth line: the "And" should be taken out, and the "there" should be captialized. The line that says "Their god who wrote greed in their heart", the "who" should be taken out and the "heart", there should be an "s" added at the end of the word. The line "Death and destruction, but not to life", the "but" should be taken out. After that line, the word "and" needs to be taken out of almost every line, but you can decide whether or not "and" should stay or go.
Sometimes, I need a writer/editor who can correct me with my spelling and grammatical errors, but typically I do all of this on my own.
My favorite two lines in this poem are:
"I dream of dark, and dark there came
My eyes reflect an inward flame"
I hope all of these grammatical checks and the critique helps.
| Lysana chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
Very compelling rhythm. It just sweeps you along from Sauron's dreams of darkness through to Pharazon's doom. Quite a distance to cover so smoothly in 130 words! There are a lot of great lines in this but my favorite has to be "My eyes reflect an inward flame" - it just seems to be all about who Sauron is. You have such clear and vivid ideas about him! )
I was also struck by the resemblance of your first line to Galadriel's line in her lament: "I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew." Such a parallel and yet already so different in what the two characters dream of! And then your poem diverges totally from any resemblance to Galadriel's song by your second line. I really, really like the effect of the comparison. I guess there's something a little bit the same about all the people of Tolkien's world, making their differences stand out all the more because of it. Really, isn't it the same with our real world too?
Much to my sheepishness, I've gone and waxed philosophical at you when I was trying for a more concise review than usual. Oh well. Great poem!
| Tia Paes chapter 1 . 12/15/2009
Chills. Seriously chills from this poem.
Most definitely from this line, "My wroth 'gainst Men who heed my call."
Once again, I am in awe of your work!
| Araloth the Random chapter 1 . 11/20/2009
You have a real skill with poetry. I felt this was very Tolkien-esque in its style and I take off my hat to you for that! I liked the alliteration you used as well. Well done!