|Reviews for On Your Shoulders|
| BLUE AVENGER18 chapter 1 . 5/14/2013
| Dummy Perception chapter 1 . 3/12/2013
So that's what I feel too sometimes...being so hungry that the hunger goes away. That's a bad habit, though.
| roobaby2011 chapter 1 . 1/2/2013
| Glass O'Lemonade chapter 1 . 11/19/2011
This was really sweet! Good job!
| ParadiseAvenger chapter 1 . 6/9/2011
The so hungry I'm not hungry happens to me too, but if I ignore it I start to shake like a crazy person. This was really cute!
| Killing Kunoichi chapter 1 . 12/15/2010
:)) I love the story :))
| MiNiTaRd TrIbE chapter 1 . 7/30/2010
That was a great story! And I get what you mean about that hunger thing - it happens to me a good bit as well. And it's kinda' hard to force yourself to eat when you're not hungry :D I didn't see any grammar mistakes or anything (though truthfully I wasn't looking for any). The story was VERY VERY cute and I loved it!
| Fairytale Warrior chapter 1 . 5/14/2010
I think that you should continue. I also think that 1) deep injuries like the ones Maka sustained should have been taken to Dr. Stein to be stitched up, or at least cleaned, covered with gauze, and bandaged up. 2) At the moment where it says "She gradually started to get it to move and felt the blood flow back into place" If the blood flow went back into place, it would have continued to bleed, causing poor Maka to die of blood loss. and 3) just after that sentence it suddenly goes to Soul saying "Morning, Sleeping Beauty" and how he placed his dinner that was "already almost empty" This kinda confused me because first you said it was morning, then you said it was dinner. Maybe try using a different phrase instead of "Morning, Sleeping Beauty"
If ANY of this bothers you then please tell me. I do not mean to hurt you in any way, I just thought that I'd give you a bit of help. I mean, there are some really bad writers on here that REALLY need to work on grammar, spelling, and even their whole story lines and overall plot. Where as you only need to work on a couple of things. And I'm the type of person who looks more at the overall plots than the spelling and grammar because to me that's just not as important. So when I come across a couple of small things that don't make much sense, it kind of bothers me.
Your story is really good though, exactly the type that I love. I do think that you should continue this lovely piece of work and make something go wrong at school or soothing. Like the wounds Maka has, turn out to be a lot worse than they thought.
Anyway, that's just a little idea, I hope that none of these words bother you and if they do, just tell me to go away.
| gaap237 chapter 1 . 5/6/2010
I love how Soul shows his worry by teasing her. Its so cute!
| Reassurance chapter 1 . 11/23/2009
To start off, I just want to say you nailed it on the fluff bit. It takes more talent than I think most people realize to make it sweet without over-doing it. So kudos to you! :)
Although "Anon"'s comment about Japanese words are not without reason, I feel like they were being a bit harsh; a review is not the place for a rant. While the Japanese words do disrupt the flow, I can see why you would want to put them-and I don't think it's because you're trying to seem clever/believe the characters all speak Japanese. It's because Japanese is what they speak in the original anime, right? At least for me, the Japanese phrases and sounds of the words have become the "natural" way the characters talk.
This story shows some really great potential. I look forward to seeing more-keep it up! :)
| ButterflyBroken chapter 1 . 11/23/2009
OMG! I know what you mean about getting starving then it goes away! You know, it's not good for you because of obvious reasons, that's how some people become anorexic. Not like Maka the Skinny Miss needs that! xD Loved it, though! 3 SoMa 4 eva!
| Ocean Starfly chapter 1 . 11/22/2009
Aww, lotsa fluff. Very cute. And I know what you mean by so hungry that your not hungry, that happens to me all the time. Then I don't know whether I should eat or not.
Btw, do you enjoy hurting Maka? You did it in your other Soul Eater fic too. XD
| Animecherryblossem33 chapter 1 . 11/21/2009
Aw! cuters! XD lol. nice job! and the whole so hungry ur not hungry thing happens to me too so don't worry bout it. lol.
| Anon chapter 1 . 11/20/2009
Although I do like this pairing, I find that I always extremely dislike 'canon' pairings. It is a cute concept, in trying to keep your hopes up.
However, putting Japanese words and dialogue into an English story is absolutely inexcusable [except for 'Shinigami-sama' and 'Shibusen' and other Japanese characters] unless they are actually speaking the language. If you want to put Japanese words in there, then go ahead, but know that it is very irksome and takes attention away from the actual interaction.
Here's a fact for you: Contrary to most beginners' belief, Soul Eater takes place primarily in America. Nevada, America, to be precise. That's right people, it's in America. So unless Shibusen is a Japanese community, then they speak English. If you haven't noticed, most of the people in Soul Eater are AMERICAN.
So, again, if you want to add Japanese words, then write the whole thing in Japanese. Please know that sometimes people write things in the wrong context; unless you are fluent in Japanese, then you shouldn't add them in there. Please, for the love of all things good, please DON'T. No matter how 'authentic' you want to keep it. If you want it authentic, go and become Atsushi Ohkubo.
However, this is not an attack on you, momoxtoshiro. I like that pairing too, and I respect you. It's a well written story, but in response to your question, overall, the Japanese words took away from the story. In order for this story to be better, take them away and fix a few mistakes and voila! It's perfect.