|Reviews for Personal AD|
| 18483628162729262 chapter 1 . 12/10/2010
This is an OK story, at first. Is it gonna related to the 'A little princess' catergory its in? Keep going though, I wanna see wear it goes...
| SilveringBlue chapter 1 . 10/31/2010
Hello Minerva Rapter,
I would like to inform you that your story violates the rules of . accepts fanfiction only, not original fiction or non-fanfiction poetry. Your story must have something to do with A Little Princess to be posted in this section.
Please remove and, if wished, repost to a site that accepts such works, such as Fictionpress, Deviantart, or Livejournal.
SilveringBlue of Critics United
| Simple Fics chapter 1 . 9/5/2010
For starters, why exactly is this fic in the A Little Princess section? I saw that Lisa was referred to as 'a complete princess', but I really don't think that quite qualifies it as fanfic of A Little Princess. It seems more like it belongs at FictionPress, for original fiction.
About the story itself, you have at least one example of word confusion (emitted means to send something out, like a sound or radioactivity; admitted means to let in), and a few minor grammar and spelling errors. This chapter is also pretty short, and doesn't really give the readers a very good idea of who your characters are. This looks like it could be a decent story, given room to grow, but there isn't really enough written to tell yet.
| MiriCG chapter 1 . 4/20/2010
It is an interesting story but is it based off of the novel by F. H. Burnett?
As for advice, there are some grammatical mistakes in the beginning and the middle. Then...maybe you could bring the symbol of the ad up a couple more times. The idea just fades after the first few sentences. Good effort, though. Descriptive. :)
| Marilyn Lowell chapter 1 . 3/14/2010
not to be mean but how does that go with a little princess
| a walk on the w i l d side chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
That is a really good story. A little short perhaps but really good.
| Moonlit Daybreak chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
Suggestions? Okay then. you don't really need any, but I have a couple. First of all, you could make the paragraphs a little shorter, since people tend to skip over parts of long paragraphs.
Also, could we know your main character's name? Little things like that always make people feel a personal connection with the charaters.
Its a bit hard to tell much with just the one chapter, but so far its good. If you need a beta reader, I'd be happy to help.