|Reviews for That Girl|
| missElena chapter 11 . 1/3/2011
Again, sorry for taking so long. I might wanna pull myself together and start actually reviewing stories again.
Ok, this is more like it! I said that chapter 8 was the best so far, but I think it'll have to give up that title for this one.
The describing.. wow, at times I even find it a bit overdone; there are so many adjectives. But to be honest, personally I prefer reading text like this to the rather simple style before. There were good things in the previous chapters, but I think this is better.
Some typing errors and words without space between them disturb a bit.
His sarcasm is rather hilarious, I like his efforts to guess why she's suddenly so nervous, and I find the beginning of the chapter enjoyable, with the very happy and carefree atmosphere.
Happy new year, by the way! And merry belated Christmas.. I'm late, but better late than never. :)
| Lala Sharada chapter 11 . 12/21/2010
This story is pretty good and I'm enjoying it so far. Please update soon!
| Xion the Author chapter 10 . 8/22/2010
great update! But... I don't buy this part:
[Koda ran up."Hey guys!" I *ignored* him.
"Okay, you can do pretty amazing things, I'll give you that." I said. She laughed even more. She had such a pretty laugh.
"Thank you!" she said.
I *heard* Koda yell."Wait for me!" But I didn't.]
This makes Kenai so evil to intentionally ignore him. I think he didn't just hear from being to focused with talking to Nita.
That's about it. Please update! Really love this story!
| missElena chapter 10 . 8/11/2010
I'm sorry for taking so long; I have meant to review this chapter before, but I've just somehow left it undone every time..
This chapter seems to need something more. At times, reading it, I feel like I'm reading a mere script. There sure are his thoughts, description and something of your own, but there could (and should) be more. I'd say this is what I've meant in my previous reviews when I've said that the writing is “rushed”.
Also, I would have expected a notion about some ice between Kenai and Nita melting during the matchmaking -part; when I watch the scene, I can sense how the comradeship between them is already building as they share the glances and winces. And especially when they tease each other in the end.
Don't get depressed, though, it's called constructive criticism. And.. well, this is another scene I don't like that much; I'm so not into the general everybody's-looking-for-a-mate -idea of the movie.
I'll still be waiting for chapter 11.
One thing I was left wondering here..
“As scary and dangerous and life-threatening as it was, it was still unbelievably fun.” Did he mean the falling from the tree? Or did he mean that laughing with Nita was a risky thing to do?
| Snowlily246 chapter 10 . 7/9/2010
| Xion the Author chapter 9 . 6/29/2010
I love this chapter!
| Magnifique chapter 9 . 6/19/2010
I know this is going to sound rude and I apologise, but please please please could you try and find time to write the next chapter soon? I really like your take on Kenai's perspective :)
| missElena chapter 9 . 6/13/2010
Tolerable eyes! xD Reminds me of Pride and Prejudice; "She's tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me." But that's beside the point.. :P
This was a fun chapter, and the raccoon scene is one of my favourites. Here one can see how he's really concerned about her, even though he tries to deny his feelings and.. well, jealousy. I like how he seems to note her eyes above all. I've put that too in my oneshots. ;P
Denahi was once again mentioned! I can imagine he'd be laughing at Kenai here.
The ending, how Kenai climbed in the tree and fell with Nita, passed rather quickly; maybe it's understandable because it all happens very fast, but I would have liked to see a bit more about how he felt about falling from so high - and rescuing her. Maybe in the following chapter, when they're laughing together and finally getting close..?
And, knowing about the problems with your keyboard, I hate to say this but there are spelling mistakes and that really disturbs the reading. Other than that, very nice job. :)
| snow246 chapter 9 . 6/5/2010
| vannie chapter 8 . 6/2/2010
This is really good! I really like the way you described the emotions, especally Sitka and kenai's argument there. It was hilarious! KEEP UPDATING!
| Xion the Author chapter 8 . 4/26/2010
I'd freak about seeing my dead older brother! XD Good thing I don't have one.
Like this chapter a lot! Please continue updating!
| Jenn chapter 8 . 4/26/2010
I love it! I like how Sitka gets straight to the point with Kenai. I think you've maintained Kenai's character very well. Please write a new chapter soon. :)
| missElena chapter 8 . 4/13/2010
I must say this is the best chapter so far! Thank you for giving us this curtain scene; I daresay it's important to put in something extra.. and perhaps make the story even more “complete”. ;) I hope there will be more of these, whenever needed.
The only thing that kind of bothered me was the “You've been up there for too long, your head's stuck in the clouds.” Maybe it's just me, but I get the feeling that it's – no offense – kind of a cliché already.
However, in overall I liked the conversation with Sitka. He can be so patient and loving, yet very stern and determined. And the scene with Kenai and Koda in the end is very funny, especially imitating “Rutt's poetry” and Koda making a mock salute.
Xion69: I like waterfalls too. ;D
| snow246 chapter 8 . 4/12/2010
Thats a older brother 4 ya!
| Xion the Author chapter 7 . 4/7/2010
Yehey! Update! Finally!
I like this scene at the waterfall. I like waterfalls XD