|Reviews for Cake|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/4/2014
Wow great article, please feedbackmy blog I want very much to improve to be this quality, thanks! v lin
| Tarante11a chapter 9 . 3/19/2010
red - just in case you doubt me, this is no word of a lie - you have made me all teary with this chapter. In particular, the just sweet-as-anything greed and Duncan kindly playing along is brilliant, but even more so, her wonderment at people being nice and the idea that she might have something yummy all to herself. Bless her little heart!
And I LOVE her, Alistair and the battle for the cheese.
I confess 'Cake' means far more to me now that I've had a play through of the casteless Origin — not that it wasn't great before but I understand better now.
Made my evening.
| Sianie chapter 9 . 3/19/2010
good lord you're a better writer then me! The way you handle language I am frankly jealous of, you snap words and sentences together that shouldn't work but do. You're like a baker sprinkling nouns and verbs on frankly delicious cupcakes.
That sounds like I just wrote a Mighty Boosh script, but anyway...
One of the things I love about this game is that while some of the things regarding the Origins are set in stone, the way you can react to them is different; your Brosca is far more perky and likable then mine, and has not let her life and Dust Town break that joir de vivre.
That's a very amazing thing to read, it really is :)
| NuitNuit chapter 9 . 3/19/2010
I'm so happy that you updated. I have seriously not been a fan of the dwarf origins, but your story has helped to turn my opinions.
Calling Alistair 'Sunshine' was just perfect.
One of my fav lines was: "Just goes to figure this dog nation's infinitely wealthy bastard heir would have a burnt-out set of taste-buds."
| NuitNuit chapter 8 . 2/3/2010
So I just found this story today and omg, I'm enthralled. You paint beautiful pictures with your words. Complicated sentences weave into wonderful vivid pictures of just yum. And Annie? I just /love/ her.
| The Abbot of Beregost chapter 8 . 1/11/2010
Very nice work. One word of comment: a tourniquet cuts off all bloodflow to a limb, and is generally not applied unless the bleeding is both severe and arterial. In civillian medicine, it is generally only applied in traumatic amputations. Even in field medicine, it's only applied as I have said when the bleeding is severe or arterial. I imagine that this would would be treated wit something like a GSW slider bandage. That aside, great work!
| The Abbot of Beregost chapter 7 . 1/4/2010
M, cake. Now we know the root of Brosca's malice- pastry. I really like the descriptive element of this chapter, too. And a messy death to someone who deserved it, to boot.
| Razielim Vampiress chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
Holy crap, this was SO funny! XD Yay for Daveth! - I loved the thiefsy lil rake, and there just aren't as many stories as there need to be that include him lol Over all, this was a very enjoyable read! I particularly love this line:
“Oi, stumpy. Your dinner’s drooping into the embers.”
Seriously, I literally laughed out loud. So hard, in fact, that I ended up choking on a wee bit on the pretzle I was munching on hehe...
Off to the next chapter! _
| Tarante11a chapter 7 . 1/4/2010
Red - it's just not bloody fair!
I love it. I love the juxtaposition of the twin stories. I love the contrast and connection between the dust and blood and the cream and cake. I hate you for writing cake so physically mouth-watering it makes me want bloody cake! I am as jealous as hell at your blithe ability to combine words like ‘ripple of catty, chocolate satisfaction’ and ‘freckled mural of cooling burgundy’ - two flaming sentences apart. Damn you m’dear, leave some words for the rest of us! xD
It’s all just so crunchy and chewy to read.
“…throat puffing like a shad tossed to the grass” *sobs* Not bloody fair.
| The Abbot of Beregost chapter 6 . 1/2/2010
Wow, intense chapter! Thanks for the warning, it served well with the imagery (which, while not at the mature level, was somewhat disturbing). Excellent use of historical items and theme.
| Dangerously Incompetent chapter 6 . 1/2/2010
A genuine surprise, there, but a nice one! Leske has to be one of the best NPCs of the game, in my opinion. Wondering what you've got in store for him, now ...
I thought the level of gore and realism of this chapter was appropriate. You've given a warning; I don't think it needs to be bumped up to M-rating. Personally, I appreciated the description - you took the dark themes of the game and made it real to the reader. And if I haven't mentioned already, I love the tone of the narrative, and especially the dialogue.
| Fever Dream chapter 1 . 1/2/2010
I really enjoyed your interpretation of the Dwarven Commoner origin story, as personified by Annie-Lynn Brosca. You did a wonderful job of suiting her language and perspective to her background. Some of her observations regarding Ser Jory, Daveth and Alistair were also very astute and funny.
The use of Annie's perspective in the third-person limited worked so well that I would suggest maintaining her voice throughout the story - near the end, the narrative seems to waver a bit into a more omniscient voice. In a minor nitpick, I think they're in the Korcari Wilds, rather than the Kokari Wilds. Unless that was intentional to show that Annie-Lynn doesn't know much about topsider geography? In addition, it might be interesting to see Annie-Lynn reacting a bit to being on the surface - sort of in the way Oghren becomes a little overwhelmed when confronted with grass, sky, etc.
I thought your use of the word "Cake" to bookend the sketch was also quite ingenious and gave the piece a nice sense of unity.
Great work on your first submission (!) and I look forward to reading future fics from you.
| Bearit chapter 6 . 1/1/2010
... YES! Yesyesyesyesyes!
I've been reading this fic adamantly, and I suck at giving reviews and am very inconsistent about it, but when this chapter ended like *that* I just *knew* I had to leave a review. Thankyouthankyou! 3 I want to see what becomes of this! (What I'm trying to say is, I agree with you about Leske, and thank you~~!)
But I love your Brosca to pieces, and I love your story so very, very much. Please keep writing more! :3
| The Abbot of Beregost chapter 1 . 12/12/2009
Nice chapter! I liked the humour, the flirtation. Might need a bit more clarity as for Allistair oggling Leliana ( or maybe I just suck at subtlety). Again, another excellent snapshot of everyone and more importantly their true personality.
| Jobrill chapter 4 . 12/6/2009
Your writing continues to be pretty amazing. Seriously. Keep writing, and don't worry too much about chronological order, I say! I want more Annie-Lynn regardless.