|Reviews for Fictionista Workshop WitFit Writing Prompts|
| Unchanged Affections chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
Ah! I just have to start by saying, YAY! I’m so excited to see where you are going to take this!
HAHA! Thanks for the shout out ;-)
“Jumping off the bed, he felt Alice’s arms fall away, not realizing she’d been hugging him before then.”
...There is so much sadness in this chapter and this situation. But that statement really got to me for some reason. He is so unaware and unfeeling of so much around him (that doesn’t have to do with Bella) he can’t even acknowledge physical sensations.
“Discovered anything new. The evil man inside wanted to grin, but he didn't.”
... My mouth gradually feel open with this. I can’t believe it! Makes me sick. And why? Why would they take Bella?
“Sometimes he felt sorry for him, but even that compassion was dried up, checked in the face of his hate. Besides, he told himself, even he didn't know the fate of the rich man's lover.”
... his hate? Does he hate Edward or Bella? And why? I just don’t understand how people harbor so much hate in their lives to do something like this. Of course, I know we’ll figure out the true nature of it. (I type reviews as I read. You can kind of see what’s going on in my head as I’m reading, lol!) I’m sure Edward isn’t even aware of this man’s hate (obviously or he’d see right though him). I just mean, Edward probably isn’t aware anyone hates him... or else they’d be talking to those ppl directly. And to take Bella, to punish her for the hate of another man.
Whoa... that flashback of Detective Norris’, can’t wait to find out about that.
Also, it said “rich man’s lover”... so are E & B not married yet? I didn't realize...
I understand that this will be shorter and you are just exploring... therefore, some of the characterization with be absent. BUT I definitely don’t think the emotion has been removed. I definitely feel it. Especially when reading from EPOV... you can just see how distraught and hopeless he is feeling. Gosh, I can’t imagine.
The parts with Alice trying SO hard to force a vision is so sad... it breaks my heart. I know your prompts are to use the word in every “drabble” you write, correct? But I like how you worked “inadequate” in as a theme, too. I’m sure Alice is feeling inadequate not being able to help more... as well as Edward...
| aingealeire chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
Jesus if you don't continue this there will be tears...I loved it!
| regina423 chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
Another excellent installment. I realize these were intended to be one-shots as part of a writing exercise, but I would greatly appreciate it if you finished this storyline. I love the writing style and flashbacks.
| kmm122 chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
I really enjoyed this chapter and I am anxious to see what happens next!
| Raven Jadewolfe chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
Damn, I wish I had a thimbleful of your talent
| Kendall94 chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
this is getting really sad, but i like it!
| michellemybelle202 chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
I'm very excited that you're going to conclude this story! You call it raw and unrevised, but to me that just adds to the intensity and urgency of the story. My heart just thumps while I'm reading it with all of Edward's pain and the pressure Alice is putting on herself. It's so enthralling!
| Cowgirlgraphics chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
So ... you didn't leave us hanging after all! You are so sneaky like that. This is a pretty scary story and I really hope that no one is torturing Bella! Well written, even off the cuff ... it flows like a breeze.
| latuacantante4him chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
Oh,no. Hopefully Alice will get something from this man and they can find Bella before she is hurt any more. Please! Sad. So, sad. Enjoyed it.
| martdg chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
I'm so glad you're writing more about the missing Bella Swan! For a bunch of "drabbles" they're pretty incredible. Can't even tell you how haunted I was after the first one. I'm intrigued as well! Want to know more for sure... excellent!
| Edlovesme chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
Holy crap! that's all i have to say. Can't wait to see what happens next.
| Rochelle Allison chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
ahh! it's perfect! i love it. it's all... criminal minds meets twilight. wait, have i said that already? well, it is.
i loved the back and forth, past and present from epov. and i especially loved alice's feelings about her clairvoyance, and how she now seems to be embracing it, realizing its role...
out of inspiration, i have linked several of my prompts together as well. i currently have 2 storylines going; i just couldn't help it!
| mugglemom08 chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
:O There's going to be more to that, right?
| Capricorn75 chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
The plot REALLY thickens! It breaks my heart that there are people purposely hurting Edward. I wonder what happened to make them think he deserves it?
| patch138 chapter 5 . 12/18/2009
i love the raw stuff! nice!