|Reviews for Slaughterhouse Five|
| Lexical Item chapter 1 . 4/11/2011
What’s good about this piece is that you write in the action. There are only about three places that are internal thought processes and when these do appear, the contrast is wonderful and meshes well with the overall flow of the story. This piece uses strong verbs and that also contributes to this sense of vivid activity. I think the main reason it works so well is because the plain fact-stating style is at odds with the severity of the content. I would even argue that this is the best way to write out such a strong scene.
I generally like to offer something constructive, but I liked the style, I didn’t spot any technical errors and the story had the sense of completeness necessary to shorter works. Maybe the line: “He shivered, partly of cold, partly of excitement...” could be left without the reasoning. I can’t decide if it counts as a subjective perspective, or if it is fact stating like the rest of the detail. Finally, you could include the phrase “and so it goes” after the italicised death descriptions, just to have a subtle allusion to tie back with the title. I love a good reference.
Overall, the style of writing is just so very appropriate and lends a real sense of casual nastiness that might have been lost through more dramatic prose.
| Leonca chapter 1 . 1/29/2011
Not being familiar with this character I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this was quite interesting and creepy. The way he notes all the nice, normal things about his stalking ground makes the final result even more unsettling.
| Night's King chapter 1 . 2/8/2010
I just happened to come across this story, and I wish I would have found it sooner. I'm going to praise you for a bit and hopefully win back some karma, so hold on to your bowler hat.
Firstly, I wanna just congratulate you on something. I have this most ridiculous pet peeve. In any story I've ever seen that features our dear old friend Zsasz, my first comment is always 'I hate how many z's he has in his name'. That thought didn't even cross my mind while I was reading this. I was too busy going "Damn!"
Secondly, love the title. It's not at all the same concept, of course, as the novel, but it still works brilliantly.
Zsasz himself is monstrous and wonderfully described. His cleverness-turning on the sink so the drip would annoy the wife until she came out-is frightening. His premeditation is horrifying. The fact that he plans days in advance to slaughter these people is so morbid. He could turn back and let these folks live, but that's not going to happen. He has no human empathy or a conscience. And once he gets down to it, the actual act is really some of the most intense violence I've seen. I mean intense violence in the best way possible, of course. But the way he slashes the woman's throat and "rocks her gently" as she bleeds out is so visceral. I can't help but see parallels to Ledger's Joker and his speech on why he uses knives...
In closing, I'm going to make sure my doors and windows are tightly locked. Not a good bedtime story. Not at all.
| The Illegible chapter 1 . 12/5/2009
Not sure how I missed this story, but wow! That was very different-and good job setting a creepy, squicky tone as well. It's always neat to see a Zsasz fic, because lord knows he is a scary little bastard. Nobody seems to pay any attention to him, so this was nice.
Because the character wasn't tagged, I entered Slaughterhouse Five with the added discomfort of not knowing who our protagonist was. This added some swell atmosphere-suspense along with gross-out factor. Putting in Victor's arrangements of corpses to tell a story was excellent-I was a little surprised not to see his zombie philosophy, but it still worked. The beheading was especially nasty, though if you want to add further horror some textures, sound effects, and descriptions of blood/innards/dead flesh are sure ways to push things through the roof.
Glancing over again, there was one line in PARTICULAR that was really chilling. "As usual he took the time to admire the family photos once again." Every time he does this, Zsasz tries to know all the nice things about who he's murdering-very, very sick. He knows full well what he's doing, and he enjoys it. You executed Zsasz as a perfect killing machine-excellent job, AZ! :-)
| Matt the Batman Fan chapter 1 . 12/3/2009
Damn it! Now I'm ticked off that I killed off Zsasz in The Misfits!
But now to being serious. Dude, you may not know where it came from but do your best to hold on to it. I'm not a big horror fan but this one really stuck to me both for the character motivation and the visualization of the crime itself. I almost wanted to point out that the deactivation of the burglar alarm seemed a little farfetched but then it would only make sense taht the repair people would need more than a day to fix it.
You've got an eye for patience of drawing out a scene without dialogue (something that I'm still desperately trying to learn). This would be a good intro for a longer story but the starkness of it makes it seem a little too meaty for a simple one-shot like this. Of course, this could just be me egging you to writing a detailed story about Zsasz so take that critique with a pinch of salt.
Good story, my friend.