|Reviews for Gambler's Faith|
| extherian chapter 6 . 4/2/2010
Well, this is certainly an interesting idea for a story. A crystal Chronicles rock band? I shouldn’t be surprised to see this coming from the author who wrote Tales of Trinity, but what doesn’t surprise me is the quality of the story. Your characters are interesting and likeable individuals, and the dialogue exchanged between them feels just like what a group of friends would say to each other, hanging out and having fun. I have to envy the way you write dialogue between characters, as it really brings your characters to life. Also, how do you come up with such authentic sounding names for your Selkies and Yukes? Mine always end up sounding rubbish .
It’s nice to get to see the Crystal Chronicles world in a more peaceful setting, from the point of view of ordinary people rather than caravanners. I particularly like the way you described Kir: ‘He was short, blunt and aggressive-looking; even the orange of his skin was brighter than any other Lilty's Cirrustralyx knew, as if the boy was doing everything he could to offend the eye’. It’s a brilliant summary of his personality, and I think he is one of the most entertaining characters in the cast.
By the way, you mentioned that you were going to write it in eight parts, but I find it hard to imagine the story coming to a close in the next couple of chapters, as the band have yet to really take off. Be careful if you have other projects that you want to get back to, or the story could end up sucking up all your time.
As before, I have little to say in the line of constructive criticism. My only excuse is that Titlecontreven always seems to pick up on what little is wrong with your stories before anyone else does. Although, I was interested to notice that you are, according to your profile, working on two other original stories your own. I would be very interested to hear about those, as I think that you are one of the few fanficiton authors I’ve read that has the potential to actually publish her own original work. Of course, if you don’t feel comfortable with that then I don’t mind you keeping it to yourself.
“I’ll punch you for being racist” is indeed an epic quote, and if more people were reading and reviewing Gambler’s Faith then I can guarantee you that it would become an overused internet meme in no time. Actually, perhaps that wouldn't be such a good thing...anyway, do be careful not to overuse it. The joke is repeated three times in the first chapter alone, although the way in which you reused in chapter six was quite effective.
Well, that’s all I have to say for myself. You're such an experienced writer at this stage that your readers can count on you continuing to produce high quality work, so good luck in the future!
P.S. I sent you a private message expanding on my criticism of Tales of Trinity in response to the message you sent me about my review. Did you actually receive that message? Forgive me for asking, but I have no way of knowing.
| TitleContreven chapter 6 . 3/7/2010
In a (probably vain) attempt to be less annoying to other reviewers, I'm cutting down the size of my reviews so that they actually look like single-chapter ones instead of full blown stories themselves. However, I'm unsure why I'm saying this here, as this is a review of Parts Five and Six. But that's not the point.
The point is that I loved these two parts just as much as the last four, if not more so. Your use of wit was once again constant and it helped convey the events all the better in the end. I still can't get over how great of a read this is, despite the fact that it's so far-flung from what I'm used to. It just makes the story all the more memorable, and worth the wait for the next installment.
Shameless admiration for your work aside, there were a couple of things that I noticed. For one, in Part Five, Rae's sudden need for a band name seemed too contrived and scripted when it was sandwiched inside of what I can only suspect was one of their songs. It left me questioning why it was there, and not someplace where it would make more sense to talk about it, you know? Was it spur-of-the-moment, or did one of Ray's friends (read: fan-girls) ask him about it before that? It's a technicality, I know, so it's probably nothing to worry about.
Also, the party seemed like a town-wide event. Wouldn't the Fum Caravanners have been there if the townspeople had bothered to hire a band? And if so, couldn't they have come and pick up Cirrustralyx and crew from the Jegon River? Just food for thought.
There were a couple of places in each Part where a transition probably would have fit in, but it was absent. I'm nitpicking, though, so I'll stop.
All in all, I liked how these two Parts turned out. I especially enjoyed the "damn Lilty" song, the inside joke, and Rae's riposte when Kir tried to be indignant about them shutting him up. I could also appreciate the principles of Yukish dreams that you introduced with Cirrustralyx's dreams. You're always telling me that you love it when people bring new customs and ideas into the Crystal Chronicles universe; something tells me that either I'm rubbing off on you, or you're the one practicing what you preach. ;)
Anyway, that about wraps this up. I'm looking forward to seeing where this is headed!
| Wind Paradox chapter 6 . 2/21/2010
Rae Fen is jealous alright! :D
So most Yukes never dream with pictures or colors? But Cirrustralyx
did dream of something like that.
| Turnip the Scribe chapter 5 . 2/12/2010
Not only does the addition of Nell mean that the group isn't racist, it also means that they aren't sexist either!
Aha. This story is so light and humorous, which separates it from a lot of FF stories. I like how miasma and monsters just don't even matter in the face of the world's first rock band. You just can't fight the music.
| Turnip the Scribe chapter 1 . 2/11/2010
I think "I'll punch you for being racist" is right up there on the list of best lines ever.
It makes me wonder what the game could be like if you had other options for family trade. What if you want to be an artist? Or a teacher? I mean, someone's got to educate the kiddies, otherwise monsters would easily overpower a caravan with their power of basic arithmetic.
| NotMeagain chapter 5 . 2/8/2010
Hm, for all its shortness, the part where they 'choose' their name was pretty effective. Really felt the adrenaline rush there. The choppiness is alright, otherwise; I think the chapter works just fine.
Wonder what'll happen in Fum? is the party going to be a private gig or is it gonna be with the whole town? (Are there going to be cow races 8D?)
| SasukeBlade chapter 5 . 2/7/2010
Hey, I love the Fields of Fum! I love them enough to make up for the lack of love on everyone else's part!
I, for one, didn't mind the choppiness of it. Perhaps it's because I'm in a lazy mood, perhaps it's because it worked, who knows. I felt like the scenes that needed to be long were, and the ones that didn't need to be weren't, if that makes sense.
No complaints on this one, other than to ask where all the Clavat girls Rae is courting came from. I can't recall offhand if there were any Clavats there when my caravans visited. Either way, doesn't matter.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| Wind Paradox chapter 5 . 2/6/2010
Welcome back and great job on finishing your exams! :D
The damn Lilty snores
The damn Lilty snores
The little turnip head
Has snored the nails from my bed
I can’t take his nightly noise any more
The words ‘suffocation’ and ‘chair leg’ had been scribbled in the margin.
That part just made me laugh.
I can't wait for the next chapter. :)
| TitleContreven chapter 4 . 1/21/2010
I know that I said "More Than A Job" was your best work yet when I reviewed it, but I must say that this one gives it a run for its money simply due to how humorous it was to read. I enjoyed it all the way through.
I personally liked how normal you made Cirrustralyx seem in comparison to the rest of the cast. It isn't often that I see the molds of the Tribes broken to such a great effect in the finished product, but you made every interaction amongst them seem natural, as if the molds never existed in the first place. What's more is that each character has their own little quirk that makes the group as a whole a very unique combination of talents.
Your use of wit in conveying your points was a perfect method to select given the personalities of the characters. As expected, the result of this was a fun and fresh new outlook on the Crystal Chronicles universe that strays away from the "save the world" formula that most others are solemnly bound to. For this, I congratulate you: it's always more difficult to start a new trend than to follow an old one, but you did so without much of a problem.
Also, though I can't say that I've seen it put into practice, playing a jazzy tune on the banjo requires a lot of precision in timing the strums to match with the ever-changing chords. The plucking of the strings often has to be cut short in time with the chords to give it that catchy, toe-tapping tune that is a telltale sign of jazz music. What I'm trying to say is that Rae Fen must be quite talented if he can do that with a banjo. I also liked "By the River Side" - while you say that you aren't a songwriter, I could hear the notes from a swing tune I heard a long time ago coming back to me as Nell sang. So I wouldn't worry about your skill with songwriting, as I understood your point completely with that part.
To be entirely honest, I had enough fun reading this that I only found some small problems to be looked at. In the first chapter, Cirrustralyx doesn't give Rae Fen any more drinks after he starts talking about what he wants to do with his life. As has been mentioned, he seemed only lightly inebriated when he began playing, and when he'd finished, he seemed absolutely hammered, losing his stability for no apparent reason other than the alcohol in his system. Of course, his performance could have had something to do with it (maybe it was nerves?), but something tells me that the alcohol in his system glazed over any nervousness he might have felt.
I noticed in Part Four that you mistakenly put "Crysila" in when you meant to put "Shella" three times during the initial splitting up of the party to find a place to set up their gig at. It was kind of jarring, but I knew what you meant after a second of making sure I knew what I was reading.
Speaking of Crysila, I am still entirely baffled by where exactly it is on the World Map. In my review of "More Than a Job", I theorized that it seemed to be in Iron Mine Downs, but now, according to this one, it seems to be somewhere in the Vale, possibly west of Alfitaria itself. I know I asked for clarification on where it was in my other review, though, so I won't take this any further.
Finally, I'd like to point out that, given its placement on the banks of Lake Shella, and that the Jegon River doesn't begin until the Veo Lu Sluice, I don't think that a Yukish child will be slipping into anything as harmful as a raging river. It would be more like a frigid, but calm lake. However, if I continue this vein of logic, Rae Fen will punch me for being racist, so I'm going to leave well enough alone. :D
I'll be looking forward to the next installment to see what shenanigans the group will get into. Until then, good luck!
| NotMeagain chapter 4 . 1/12/2010
Oh Cirrus. I think he's my favorite so far. I love his way of saying goodbye to his father XD
Also I really like the scene when they crossed the miasma stream, 'cause you showed how it affects people unused to it. Great detail there.
| Fireblast123 chapter 4 . 1/6/2010
I absolutely LOVE witty humor like this! "He didn’t get a lot further before Rae Fen tackled him with the banjo." Hilarious!
Keep on writing!
| Wind Paradox chapter 4 . 1/6/2010
“What happened?” Cirrustalyx asked when the pair joined him on the bench.
Kir shrugged. “The guy said he’d let us play.”
“That was,” Rae Fen added, “until Kir said ‘wow, I wasn’t expecting the birdbrained idiot to cave so fast’. He changed his mind after that.”
Cirrustralyx groaned. “Kir!”
“Don’t you start! Anyway, bet you haven’t turned up any offers either.”
Hahaha! Ah Kir, you are so indeed rude and funny!
Will Cirrustralyx meet a Yuke girl during the band's stay in Shella? A good or bad Yuke girl will be funny or sweet.
Awesome chapter! :)
| Wind Paradox chapter 2 . 1/5/2010
Nell is very scary when she's angry and Kir is very cute when he's all mean and funny. :)
| Wind Paradox chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
Love it! I wonder if Cirrustralyx will meet a female Yuke in Shella? That would be cute.
| Wind Paradox chapter 3 . 1/5/2010
I like this story. Music is my most favorite. I can't wait for you to updated. ;)