Reviews for The Rules of a Relationship
chemistrykim chapter 1 . 7/6/2015
the whole part where telling quil and embry would mean telling their parents really made me laugh . good one!
shelbron chapter 1 . 5/11/2011
That was awesome :) Very funny and clever.
kimchi926 chapter 1 . 5/6/2011
Wow. Speechless. This is totally adorable! :)
Willow2883 chapter 1 . 3/1/2011
I loved this! It was so cute and funny. Well done.
Lady Blackwater chapter 1 . 9/8/2010
rule# 1 is funny
limetta chapter 1 . 7/13/2010
I've been reading this over and over and it keeps getting better each time. (: Great work, and it's hilarious too. I love your Leah. And I loved clueless!Jake. HA!

Anyway, I hope you update I Hate LaPush/Forks soon!
lovering chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
deviocity chapter 1 . 4/15/2010
loved the story!

oh, Leah. She should have know that with guys, you should always tell them the obvious (to us girls anyway) and never assume they'd get the implications. :P

brilliant fic!
ellie82 chapter 1 . 4/8/2010
Cute! I like the way it flows and it made me smile.
mysteree101 chapter 1 . 4/2/2010
So cute! I love leah's rant!
Sierra Clearwater chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
I really LOVE all your one-shots! :)

Hell of cute!
Little Girlie Wolf chapter 1 . 12/29/2009
I really liked this one too

your explanation of guy and girl rules was funny

and comprehensible

Like I mentioned in my other recent review, I want my fairytale would be awesome to have another part
Kei Jones chapter 1 . 12/13/2009
Then, there are “girl rules.” Yes, you heard me, “girl rules.” Even by mentioning them right now, I’m breaking a rule. I’m a guy who knows entirely too much about girl rules so I already have a target on my back. - Oh, yes, yes you do. *shakes head* He's already in trouble isn't he?

Four games of Twister, ten rounds of never have I ever, three (failed) games of go fish, and five limes later, Leah and I were drunk. Not pissed, not buzzed, no, we were completely and utterly shitfaced. - oh my gawd, that must've been so much fun. Drunk Twister with Jacob Black. _ sweet!

Leah Clearwater was drunk was a happy drunk. - me too! Now if only I can lure in my own version of a Jacob Black and turn into like a wolf..or maybe a tiger. A tiger would be AWESOME! And if anything at all a giant kitten. To then lure people in with my adorable kitten eyes and then maul them horribly. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jacob Ephraim Black and Leah Marie Clearwater kissed. Not a peck, not a smooch, no, a kiss. A real kiss. With tongue.

Life was good. - LOL. Well at least he's sober enough to remember this.

Being a male, an Alpha male to boot, who am I to deny kisses (and more) to my oh-so-sexy female Beta? - but of course. - But I'd follow you anywhere Jake.

So I followed her to her room, to her bed, where we picked up where we left off in the living room. As it turns out, when you put two hot, horny, happy drunk people in a room together, they won’t just talk, laugh and play Scrabble. When you put two hot, horny, happy drunk people in a small room together, they make out. Heavily. Soon, second base is crossed, and they’re approaching third. Clothes are strewn across the room, lamps are broken, and then, when you think that they would just pass out, they do the unthinkable. These two drunk-birds head all the way home. Twice. - LOL. I love the emphasis on 'twice'. That's awesome because he's not totally shitfaced. He remembers!

And then they pass out only to wake up the next day wondering why in the hell their heads feel like fifty chatty squirrels are occupying them, holding a convention, and why they are lying butt naked next to one another. - oh, that's a nasty hangover.

Right after our little “talk,” Leah (unfortunately) got dressed and then told me the rules. Not just any rules, Leah rules, a branch of the previously mentioned girl rules. But see, if I have rules, then it means that we’re continuing this thing, whatever it is. So I’ll follow these strange Leah-rules, which are different from the usual girl rules, although there is overlap. - well all relationships come with rules, Jake, duh!

Cheating, for example, sleeping with her cousin, is breaking a rule. It’s breaking a Leah rule, (for obvious reasons-Sam and Emily), and a girl rule for relationships, (cheating is bad and only A lying, disgusting, unworthy, bastard of a guy would cheat). Although it’s not like what Leah and I have is a relationship. - HERE, HERE!

The rules for our non-relationship-relationship are as follows:

Rule #1: Watch where you look. In other words, keep your eyes up here jackass. I know I’m amazingly beautiful and you may unconsciously be more likely to look at me now that we’re doing whatever we’re doing, but the guys will start to notice. Focus your attention on something else like cars or the two idiots and my brothers instead. - of course, because this isn't a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. This is obvious something secret because you can't just ogle her and let the other three know.

Rule #2: Don't try to sneak away for… private moments when we’re with the guys. The guys will catch on, no matter how careful you think you’re being. - again because this is a secret. You're just screwing each other. But, Jake just so you know. I'd never hide our love from the world. Never.

Rule #3: Whenever we have to sit down for a pack meeting or when we’re hanging out, don’t sit next to me. We need to avoid any unconscious touching of one another. - starting to pick up on a theme here. Mainly that this is a just a coming of two lock-and-key body parts and that is all.

Rule #4: Stay professional, especially when we’re on patrol. No inside jokes or thinking about any of our rendezvous. Be as friendly with me as you would with any of the guys.

Rule #5: Keep up appearances. Since we were quasi-friends before, keep up that level of friendliness to avoid suspicion. Continue talking about the same topics, and don't make any weekend plans for us. We didn’t make plans for the weekend before and everyone will start to get ideas if we start now.

Rule #6: Do not talk about your love life. If someone asks about it, it's okay to admit you're seeing someone. Do not elaborate. You’re more likely to open your fat trap and let something slip. - and yet here...things kinda take a turn. Because it will be plan to the world that Jake is 'dating'? or rather 'doing'? someone? Ok, as a girl I'm confused by that rule.

I have followed all of these rules. I’ve even been able to follow some of the more harder-to-follow (crazy) girl rules. Like no going over to your ex-girlfriend’s house to hang out with her quasi-brother. Going over there sends a bad message because it’s her house, (her brother lives there too, but that’s not the point), and because you broke up with her, she obviously still wants you. And since I’m going over to her house, I still “want her.” - basically, no more hanging out with Emmett no matter how much fun is he because you're going to see Bella, right? So, no, not even when you know she's not going to be there because then that actually requires planning thus meaning that you know her schedule thus proving that you 'care' enough about her still to keep up with her schedule. Ergo, stay the hell away from her. -

But of course I wouldn’t. I’m too busy wondering if buying a pie from Mary Thash, (a woman whose husband Leah has had many problems with), is breaking a rule, to see that I have broken the most important rule in our non-relationship-relationship. - OK, ROFLMBO. You HAVE to write a story or PM and tell me how the hell that happened? What kinda problems can Leah have with a married man? besides Sam?

Tentatively, I go inside Leah’s house and call, “Hey, so I got this pie from Mary-”

“Something’s going on,” Leah interrupts, “I don’t know what it is, I just feel uncomfortable. I feel like everyone knows something that we don’t,” she finishes with a pout as she falls onto the couch. - uh-oh, something's amiss.

"I don’t know. I just feel like I’m out of the loop with something. Like yesterday, when I went out to get Seth a couple new shirts since the kid doesn’t know how to do laundry and ruined the last three shirts he owns, I ran into someone.” - was it Mary's husband?

Please, please don’t tell me you ran into any whose last name is Thash. - BWHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA! Please you gotta tell me what is up with the Thash family.

“Yup. But that’s not the weird part,” she looks at me dead in the eye and continues, “she asks me how my ‘boyfriend’ was doing and said that it’s ‘so cute’ that I’m out buying him shirts.” - uh-oh. . He broke rules 1-...ALL OF THEM! He BROKE ALL OF THEM? AND HE'S WORRIED ABOUT THE PIE? ROFLMAO. Jake doesn't know the first thing about following the rules.

She leans back into the couch and stares at me, inspecting my reaction. “Wow, that is weird.”

Leah nods her head and continues, “It is. I mean, first of all, it’s not like we’re going out or anything.” I nod my head and pretend to agree with her, (we have been doing this for about four months, I think we’re in a real relationship now), as she continues, “And second, it’s not like either one of us told anyone what’s going on.”

I stop nodding. We weren’t supposed to tell anyone? That wasn’t a rule. - whaddyamean 'that wasn't a rule'? It so too was rule! It was exactly spelled out but it was in the fine print. Ugh, -_-; Jake knows nothing of 'reading-in-between-the-lines'. How could he not know that with his two sisters? Our answers are always in between the lines, duh!

Deciding to go with the slightly more evasive answer, I look at her wide-eyed and ask, “We weren’t supposed to tell anyone?”

Leah looks at me shocked, before yelling, “NO!”

Shaking my head I yell back, “Well, you didn’t tell me that!”

“I thought it was implied!”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t a rule,” I point out.

“What do you mean ‘it wasn’t a rule’?” She glares at me before taking a deep breath and saying, ”If we’re doing something in secret, we want to keep it a secret, which means keeping your mouth shut!” She throws her arms up in the air while shouting, “Who in the hell did you tell?”

I rush out, “I may have, slightly, mentioned something, nothing specific, to-“

Who?” Leah interrupts sending me a demanding glance.

“Well, Embry, and Quil might know something,” I trail off.

“Jesus! Jake! You told Dumb and Dumber! Now everyone will know! Quil will tell Claire who will tell Emily who will tell Sam and Kim, and Kim will tell Jared, who will tell Paul, who’ll tell Rachel, who’ll tell Billy, who’ll tell my mom!” she yells while pacing. She stops as if realizing something before turning to look at me and yells, “Damn it Jake you told our parents! - Dangit, he just might've well stood in the center of town with a freakin' sign saying, "YES! I JACOB EPHRIAM BLACK AM DATING LEAH MARIE CLEARWATER! GO ME!" Four months, though? How long did he manage to keep it a secret? What was Quil and Embry's reaction when they found out? And Billy's? What about Sue? She hasn't said anything yet but what about Sue? LOL.

Now everyone knows about us. We’re together and we like it. Us. Jake and Leah. Leah and Jake. - Aw, he's so happy just being her public boyfriend. - That's so cute.

Yeah, breaking the rules pays off. - Yea, I'm with you Jake. Save one...that would involve jail time for me. loved it!
JacobFan chapter 1 . 12/10/2009
So cute :)
LM3795 chapter 1 . 12/10/2009
heeheehee...the rules...heeheehee...
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