|Reviews for Eighteen|
| naughtynati chapter 1 . 1/31
Damn...you are a tease ;)
| Rainy-days and Ice-cream chapter 1 . 8/25/2013
Love it. Love, love, love it! Especially that little text at the end :)
| hpgirl4ever chapter 1 . 6/28/2012
Aww, there should be a sequel! Great story! D
| Angel of Lavender chapter 1 . 2/21/2012
Truthfully, I had a twitch of cliff hanger rage at the end.
Then I scrolled up, I forget why, and saw the note at the top.
YES! I so have to read more.
And lol...planning and plotting Pavel :3
That was just lovely!
| Peregrinate chapter 1 . 8/6/2011
But why the Spock/Uhura if this is a companion piece to Both ways, which is a companion to Sestina! CONTRADICTION!
Otherwise, fantastic. :)
| notoriousreviewer chapter 1 . 4/21/2011
I can't believe I never reviewed this.
Now that I've said that, I have one major thing to point out: "But I probably can't have it both ways at once, can I, Pav?" I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. OH YES I DO. I SEE IT. Let me tell you again how much I love your whole 'both ways' theme. :D 3
Oh, and after Both Ways and Sestina? Reading (a)Uhura and Spock being together and (b)reading Pavel and Hikaru talking about Nyota using her surname and about how hot she is-extremely weird. But obviously in keeping with the timeline and whatnot. Just...blergh! Like talking about how your sister is hot. ...you have now ruined for me any het pairings including Sulu, Chekov, Kirk, or Spock. Good job. (xD)
Next time I have occasion to use the word, I shall pronounce it "vah-vah-vodka." And giggle to myself like the total dork I am.
Ensign Jail-Bait is my favorite, as all my trekkie friends already know. (again, how did I never review this to tell you about my freak out over Ensign Jail-Bait? Anton Yelchin makes the best Ensign Jail-Bait. He is DANGEROUSLY adorable.)
Oh SIGH not only does the future have freaking Starfleet (it kills me, living with the un-realized version of NASA's Origins Program), but also a logical legal drinking age. _ Or maybe it is just my whole "living in the U.S." that is my problem there.
Btdubs, and I did this maybe twice while reading this, I have this new habit that I developed while rereading your stuff the past week or so: whenever something really really fluffy or sappy or lovey-dovey comes up in the story and me and my gruff stoic-ness get embarrassed, I grin and go "oh, LYRI, shut up!" Like, seriously, aloud. Good thing I don't have a roommate, I would be committed by now if I did. Anyway, I think of this as the dead opposite of saying "OH JOHN RINGO NO." (that very obscure reference is a complete shot in the dark, but hey, nothing like spreading helpful internet memes!)
Oh, and I wanted to put this in a review on Sestina when I was rereading that, but forgot you can't double review chapters: your characterizations are my favorite. I've read quite a lot of ST fic, some of it good (don't worry, yours are in this category), but your characterizations of the main 6 are far and away my favorites. They are light, and silly, and big on the love and friendship, but are also appreciably professional.
Your Jim jokes around and is friends with everyone, but he always has an aura of command that some authors just forget to make sure he keeps. I am also just a total sucker for the tragic Tarsus IV story. And his emotional strength baffles me. I am nearly a grown up, and going to the DENTIST made me cry. (in my defense, I react badly to Novocaine...) He was never loved his whole childhood, went through a genocide without ever talking to anyone about it, is in love with his first officer, and he manages to be normal and happy all the time and be a starship captain? Nuh uh. My brain just can't understand how a person could do that. I am actually getting spitefully jealous of fanfictional Jim Kirk and his emotional capacities. Oh my.
Your Spock-I love that you didn't go crazy overboard with the whole "how Vulcans carry out romantic relationships which are very different from humans'," but rather just made Spock relate to Jim as any human would, other than the melding and emotional repression. (So much less DRAMA. How they got together in Sestina feels like how a screen writer would write it, sweet and to the point) (oh, and I can't visualize your Spock as one of the two actors: he is new 'verse Spock, obviously, but he seems nicer than Quinto Spock. Much more chill, like Nimoy Spock was. If I could mash the two together...)
Your Uhura, sexy and self-assured, but emotionally open with her friends and starved for the kind of complete love that Leonard was able to give her. With your McCoy, you very wisely made his ex-wife and daughter big parts of his characterizations, because there is no way to ignore them.
Your Pavel is the epitomization of your knack for writing likable characters that are not Mary-Sueified: he has faults and he made a mistake, but you love him all the more for it. He's young, and not perfect. (I kind of want to be him) Your Hikaru with his parent-less past and botany knack and fierce loyalty and adventure book love and sense of honor when it comes to everything, especially Pavel, is just right.
Anyhow, I am sad your writing has dropped off, and hope you are doing well, and that whatever RL things which took you away from the Trekkie side of things are the type that make you happy. And I will shut up now. :)
| Umbrae Calamitas chapter 1 . 1/31/2011
AHA! I see where the title for the epic Chekhov/Sulu fic came from! (That's next on my list, mind. After I read Sestina again. For the fourth time. No, I'm no addicted.)
This was adorable. Sulu being protective of Pavel even horny and drunk off his ass is awesome. Also love the realism of a trash can next to the bed for when he might puke during the night. It's the little things. :3 So cute...
Wouldn't mind knowing McCoy and the others' reactions to Chekhov's text. Damn kid really is a genius, isn't he? Geez, I'm in love with Bones. *headdesk*
| beanrox chapter 1 . 10/13/2010
Awwww, poor Pavel!
I love how you set this up, his eighteenth birthday was hilarious, and the vah-vah-vodka deal made me snort my 'Dew; I kept imagining Spock and Uhura coming back into the room and hearing them.
| Hidden Relevance chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
Awwwww good God poor poor deprived Pavel. Good lord that's just cruel!
BTW, absolutely loved the way you described the "side characters" here. Uhura smoldering at Spock had me cackling, and Bones.. well. All three lines that I got about him had me grinning out right. What can I say? I guess I'm just a fan of Karl Urban being all gruff/brooding/snarking/scowling/breathing. But I'm not obsessive. Nope!
| sparkling-stone chapter 1 . 6/18/2010
Okay, it has been decided. I DO love you! This is the first story that I read with Sulu/Chekov as the main pairing, but have seen a lot of a little of them in almost every fic I've read. Did that make any sense? Seriously, this is amazing, and I think that now I'm addicted.
| Violet Foreman chapter 1 . 4/11/2010
"...to listen to Wiwaldi... until she becomes wiolent." :)
| katerad4 chapter 1 . 1/13/2010
Bittersweet! Just read this as an outtake of Both Ways At Once, and I must say, fits perfectly!
| Sandshrew777 chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
You write drunken!Pavel and drunken!Hikaru and, well, drunken!character better than I've seen in a while. While I love to see a slur written out (just like I do with accents, although I've cut back to only z's and the v for w with Pavel, now that I've gotten to hear AY do his accent again on the DVD), I think the tripping over words, the sudden onslaught of emotional truth, the "dude, now" short sentence, clipped thought...yes. Yes. Just...yes. That's how one writes a drunk character. It just is. Kudos, 'cause I can't do it. I just bypassed the whole thing with Finn in Displaced Stars-I much prefer your approach to drunk!Hikaru here.
Minor note, while I'm looking at it-the expression is drunk off your ass, not drunk on your ass. At least, I've never heard of the latter? And also-try to avoid using the word uniquely. Adverbs rarely help a sentence-the verb can usually do the work for you-and uniquely just gets you out of describing what you want to say.
Really, though, there's not much I can pick on in here (and I don't like to pick, really, I much prefer squeeing. And I squeed all over this sucker.) It opens strong, moves nicely, characterizes and sets up background while moving the plot. I think the hugging moment is a bit comical, perhaps-a bit too "cartoon chibis jump away blushing and shyly looking away", perhaps, but truthful. The vah-vah-vodka was a meh moment for me because it felt more like a cheer gone wrong, but vah, vah, vuck was hilarious, so I get why it's there. I loved the accent imitation section, because Kirk and Spock do that right at the tail end of the gag reel on the DVD, which was really the only funny part of that thing by the way, and I loved how Chris Pine could totally not focus at all (and was he doing Pavel's accent, or French? I couldn't tell.)
I ramble. Back to the point.
Truthfulness often comes hand in hand with drunkenness, and so the emotional revelations-interspersed with friendly cursing to lighten the moment-were right on target. Hikaru is a man, for goodness' sake, and so is Pavel. They retain some masculinity, which is always good. All too often boys get all girly, which really, we're not. Honestly.
I think the "Oh, fuck, love?" moment near the end is a better execution of that earlier moment while they were sober, and if we hadn't had that earlier moment I think this one would have been stronger. I find that people generally have better control over themselves when they're sober when it comes to crushes, especially if they want to hide them. These two are smart young men. If they want to cover up a crush, they will-unless you're implying they don't really want to, subconsciously, in which case they would do such a thing but even then it's blatant, a bit. Hmm. I've talked myself in circles and again, I ramble. In any event, I'd prefer to just have this "crap, move away, move away, forget it happened" moment rather than both of them.
Of course Pavel'd wrap him up tight (and stay on his feet longer than him-ha! Russian wiz kid wins, biznatches). Smart characterization of them both throughout-I believe them totally as the two who enter BWaO (and, of course, cute tie-in-an appropriate prologue to your story, even, this is...).
Some final recommendations: watch being overly articulate. I dunno if I'd call such a sexual escapade a "clinch" if I were Pavel. Nor would I use the words "trash receptacle" when "trashcan" is so much easier. One needn't surmise when they can think-if the word isn't vital to the sentence, if it's not adding something, fade it out with the simple. When it's big, I latch on to it and think it means more than it does, which is rarely the case, I've found. :P
Don't ever rethink how you approach writing from a teenager's perspective, because you have Pavel's age group down, or at least the "good boy" teen. Sex-crazed, yes. Sweet, yes. Romantic, of course. It works, and it's balanced with impatience, overexcitement, and eagerness. This has balance that the other two I've reviewed tonight missed at times; it's really quite strong overall.
Dialogue is another shining star. You're great at making it natural and pliable, and your thoughtful asides from the characters work, for the most part, as well. Try evoking some more of the omniscient side of the third person approach, too, and that might tie things together more. That'd mean more description, namely, and a bit less character thought; interject it as needed, but try not to rely on it to carry the *plot* along. Just let them comment where they need to.
This is really strong, and was a delight to read and reread. It proves you don't suck as a writer, so banish that thought from your head.
Is it gone?
Thanks again, and I'll see what I can do to pick off BWaO day by day here. :) It really is a delight to read your work-you remind me of a friend of mine back at college! (It's a good memory, don't worry.)
| TheDreamerLady chapter 1 . 1/3/2010
I see the tie ins to Both Ways At Once. But I feel like they weren't at the blackout levels of drinking. And I feel like they both didn't really remember hooking up in Both Ways At Once.
It was beautifully written, but I feel like this would have made more sense as a stand alone.
But I liked it anyway.
Hope to read more from you soon!
| boolinger chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
This is so annoying! (not the writing - but the ENDING!) why couldn't they just suck-face and live happily ever after? You make my heart weep~
...and apparently make my brain use ridiculous words such as 'suck-face', seriously, where did that come from?
This is written so nicely, and I definitely appreciate the sans Russian accent.
i will now go read your other story :D