|Reviews for Amber Eyes with a Secret|
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 1 . 4/23/2010
Ooh! I loved the ending! xD
I really like the idea of Riza having some sort of double life (never crossed my mind before, but I liked what you did with it).
It lacked description in the beginning, but got a lot better closer to the end (when they got to the rink).
Uhm, let's see, what else. Ooh, I liked the whole thing with Julius, that was cool, same with Havoc following the brunette, silly Havoc.
I thought you did a great job at keeping Falman, Fuery (that's how you spell it, I believe), and Breda (Love how you added the bit about the dogs, that was a great touch), and for the most part, Havoc. Riza was in character as well except I found the ending a bit ooc on her part. I think Roy seemed the most ooc, but maybe it was just me (don't worry about it, I'm a hypocrite, I have a story where Roy is COMPLETELY and utterly ooc, xD).
Other than that, good writing, grammar, spelling, sentence and paragraph structure, etc. It was an enjoyable read.
And one final thing. Are you a skater yourself? You were extremely descriptive on the twirls and stuff Riza did, so my guess it that you are a figure (0r w/e) skater too.
Anyways, good story, good idea, and an awesome title and ending.
| iBloo chapter 1 . 1/22/2010
That was a nice story. Riza was a little OOC, but in a good way.
| beautifly92 chapter 1 . 12/9/2009
| ahsinam33 chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
That was a cute story. I enjoyed reading it. And a few parts were quite funny. Good work!
| Rojas Walrus chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
Fair warning: I'm an asshole.
So first off Imma just gonna say that most of my issues reside in the first half of the story. There is a lot of uneeded dialog. As authors we tend to try to be minimalist, espeacially when it comes to dialog. My suggestion: if you have a desire to fix it, then just go over what everyone says and take out (most) everything that isn't needed.
Secondly I have to say that I saw an interesting phenomonan (- more than likely I did not spell that word correctly lol) At the beginning it was kindof iffy, but as it went a long it got better and better and better. I rather like the story at the end, so kudos. My suggestion: Keep putting out more. Past all jokes that one could make out of that statement, my point is that practice makes perfect, or at least closer to perfect.
Keep posting fics, and keep writing fics even if you don't end up posting them. It always makes me happy when I see someone start posting fics. I vant moar.
| iTorchic too lazy to log in chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
I really liked this story of how it twists a guy's day of out with lots of humor to the skating rink that was full of elegance. It went at a nice steady pace and something that I would imagine happening. I hope that you keep writing fan fics because you have a knack for it! D
| Athena's Heart chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
This was great. I can totally see her into something like that :) nice job
| BlackBrightField2007 chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
aaw cutte! Loved it!