|Reviews for The Book of 'Twins'|
| Heavenly God chapter 9 . 6/25/2014
so sad by the way you're reading the unexpectd existance right?
| DevilX.reini chapter 9 . 10/11/2013
HHHUUUWWWAAAAAA I'M CRYING DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD'X
Please more *continue crying* HICHI-KUN DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD'X
| gdesertsand chapter 9 . 8/8/2012
This story is really, really, REALLY INTERESTING!
I think i've been waiting for almost a year for an update so...
when will you update?
| K chapter 9 . 7/9/2012
It has been years since your last chapter, why did you abandon this fic? -_-
At least give us some ending Dx
Ayo lanjutin ficnya
| Amyethious chapter 9 . 3/28/2012
please please please please please continue im on the verge of tears (not crying-self restraint) please i want to read what happens next and there needs to be a finished explanation you cut it off half way through. please continue
check you grammer and wording lots of sentences have the wrong words in the text. (just so you know)
| teacupz chapter 9 . 1/2/2011
time for another review ;) heh.
the same thing about 'blonde' and 'Said Zangetsu' kind of lines:
"Urahara, explain." Said the Kuchiki girl in a creepily sternful voice, triggering a dead silence at the other side of the phone. / "Then make it short." Replied Rukia with sarcasm. / "Yes, yes. Of course I know, that's what I was asking you about." Replied Rukia morosely. / "Well, to be said, Kurosaki-san's body developes said ability, making his injuries quickly healed." Said Urahara immediately / "Woops Aah, yeah, anyway, I meant what I said; it's a hollow's ability, yet Kurosaki-san was able to develop such thing." Resumed the blonde shopkeeper / "Urahara, please, I need you to tell me now." Continued the raven-haired girl / "F-fine." Said Ichigo with a weary voice / 'He felt the pressure, too.' Thought Rukia / "It's raining." Said Zangetsu-san / "Nothin' at 't momen'." Replied Hichigo simply. / "Mind your words, Kurosaki Ichigo." shouted Isshin in an authoritive tone
- She crossed the both of her hands at her chest / in my opinion, the sentence doesn't need a 'the'...? the same opinion with this line: and was dumbstrucked when she saw Hichigo –Ichigo's twin brother-'s tombstone in front of the both of them.
- A deep sigh, then "Yuzu, Karin…," / I think the sentence is missing a full-stop or comma. :D
- There was a moment of silence, but the reply from the oldest brother of the Kurosaki Rukia had been waiting for never came. / maybe you could separate 'Kurosaki' and 'Rukia' with something... maybe something like 'Kurosaki, which Rukia'. :) ...actually, this line is nice already, but when I first read it, I thought you were explaining about 'the reply from the oldest brother of Kurosaki Rukia'. haha. odd... XD
- she also heard her blonde's twin chuckle / well... erm, didn't the sentence mean that Karin blonde had twin who chuckled? I think it's righter if the sentence became 'she also heard her blonde twin's chuckle'. maybe...
- a wound that extreme wouldn't healed in a matter of day / ah! don't forget that a verb written after would (or wouldn't) should be written in verb 1! :) or not...?
- when he was forced to said all the things / heheh. I guess there's a slight grammar problem here... it's the word after 'to', hmm...
- "No, no, not hollow," Urahara abruptly cut the Kuchiki girl's accusation, but then he continued, "The more correct term would be a Vizard, but it's not a correct name either." / the 'T' in 'The' shouldn't be in capital. well, not really. XD haha. I just learned lately from a novel and from our english textbook and from my brother's dictionary that if you connected two dialogues with description using comma, the first word in the next dialogue should be written in a non-capital form (except for names, etc.). or you can just change the second comma into a full-stop. haha. correct me if I'm wrong. :D
wow! and we had just seen another side of Isshin that he rarely showed. XO ah, Ichigo sure was mad... I think it's normal. poor Isshin, though... ah, that was really a moment of tense!
and, yeah, poor Rukia, too! XD at the end, she couldn't get the information she wanted. haha. it's so close, and yet she couldn't get it. lol.
- …and the fact that she's only the person who remembered about him was making her crazy. / erm, for me "she's the only" suits the sentence more than "she's only the". _; heh, just my opinion...
- "N-no! No! I-it's not about Ichigo!" stuttered Tatsuki, waving both of her hands in denial before continuing, "It's, err, a-about, Hichigo, err yeah, right! I meant Hichigo!" / the same thing about the thing I explained up there about Urahara's line with the Vizard thing. heh.
- and after placing they tray onto the floor / I suppose... a typo? :O
- (well, that guy was way more nerdy than his brother, looks seriously can deceive, huh? "Like you, Hime,""Eheh! Hehehe," "Stop giggling.""Aaw! Don't whack me with Enpa!") / there're problems with space between some dialogues there. _; haha.
- while a droplet a tear at the edge of her eyes threatened to fall. / I think the word 'a' (the second one) is a little odd, sorry... hmm, I think I prefer 'a droplet of tear'. heh. once again, it's just an opinion. XD
typos: 'kness' and 'ho'.
- You know, h-how about…me? / I think 'what' suits the sentence more than 'how'; but since this is Tatsuki's words, it's okay to write more slank things. -don't know how to describe it- I mean, sometimes, people can't always say things correctly, right? erm... hard to explain...
- As if I was in a room with a warmer with a blanket tightly bound to my hands. / redudance of 'with'. _; but, this is still a part of Tatsuki's words, so...
- muttering something too low to me to heard. / redudance of 'to'...? oh, and remember that 'heard' should be written in its verb 1 form. :O
- glittery yellow eyes boring itselves into mine with an apologetic look / perhaps you should use 'itselves' rather than 'themselves' because eyes are plural. :)
- was indeed a very pleasant things to have. / 'a' didn't suit the sentence, in my opinion... erm, it's just that... you used plural and singular to describe the same thing, so... erm... yeah... -run away-
ah, Hichigo's past seemed really... sad. ;_; ah! it must be really painful for Tatsuki to have his friend said such things... and I love the things that Tatsuki said to encourage Hichigo. hee-hee.
I love the part when Orihime got whacked by Enpa. XD really, really didn't expect that coming XP I always find a joke or a funny scene really humorous when you write it between serious scenes without messing the feeling. and you did it! X)
not much comment for this chapter: just amazing and how tragic it seemed. really nice. you're really great at describing things and giving some sort of emotions that suited the scene. yeah!
keep updating, senpai :D
| teacupz chapter 7 . 1/2/2011
hey! sorry for the delay of this review. hmm, I think you've done... A PRETTY AMAZING JOB! how 'bout you? what'cha think? do we have the same thought? :)
okay, let's move on to the review. I'll write the reviews for each chapter orderly, I hope you won't mind. and as usual, heh, some opinions and advices will be included. please forgive and correct me if I'm wrong. :D
first of all, about 'blonde', we both lately learned that 'blonde' is used for female, while 'blond' is used for male. in this case, since Urahara is a male, it's righter to use 'blond', isn't it? haha. of course you had uploaded this chapter before we knew about the fact.
- Any ordinary people would'd seen the sky as the usual another clear and peaceful day of Karakura Town / erm, I never heard of "would'd" before... but seeing that the next verb was written in verb 3, I guess what you meant by "would'd" was "would had", eh? but... according to my bad knowledge, everything after modals (is 'would' a modal?) should be written in verb 1? O.O ...then again, the words 'the usual another' sounded a little odd for me. _; maybe it's because you used 'the' and 'a(nother)' to describe the same object... maybe it would be better if you changed it into something else like 'another usual'. heh.
- alarming like an emergencies situation was in, although the bigger man nodded and followed his advice after then. / about 'an emergencies situation'... erm, since you used 'an', I think the thing that was described (emergencies situation) should be a singular (emergency situation)...? or not... and, for me, the words 'after then' are a little odd. _;
- "Kisuke, you sould've been more open to your customer, especially if it was Isshin.". The he added / hints: three typos, which contained two words that missed a single character and an unproper punctuation. :D
- "…I didn't do it as a seller," A sudden faint voice resonated through the room / 'A' shouldn't be in capital since you used comma at the end of the dialogue, right? haha.
- She sighed and bit her lips when she stopped her dash, the fighting Ichigo a few distances away from her. / don't you think this sentence is missing something? :/ erm, I suppose it won't hurt if you add 'was' after the word 'Ichigo'...?
- as she reached out her hands, trying to position it / you used plural (hands) so, in my opinion, you should use 'they' rather than 'it'.
- 'Ichigo', she thought / the word 'Ichigo' isn't written in italic; but the other thoughts are, so it seemed unbalanced, somehow.
the same goes to this line: 'He would end up like Shiba-san.' / and this line: "Twin? But I am 'ere, King." [in this one, the 'am' is not in italic; is it for some kind of effect?]
- trying to scooted it off of her head. / heh. correct me if I'm wrong, but I guess every words after 'to' (except for the gerund that we had just learned, but I didn't really understand -slapped-) should be written in verb 1? ;9
- Doubt once again planted its seed on Rukia's mind again. / redudance of 'again', I suppose...
- "No. But it's weird anyway," Ichigo scratched his head. "how can I don't remember about what I had done earlier? Heh, I'm not possessed, aren't I." / there's a single letter here that should be in capital, in my opinion... and the last sentence of Ichigo's dialogue... erm, isn't it a... -trying to remember- oh! question tag? -still unsure- so, I think the full stop there should be an interogattive mark.
- And, Ichigo had told her once that he born in Karakura / I searched in Google, and I guess 'born' was an adjective...? so, shouldn't you add something like 'was' (I guess modals or auxilary -don't know how to spell it-) before 'born'?
- so maybe Ichigo's twin hadn't pass through the living world to Soul Society / heh. a less correct grammar here. :D don't forget that 'have' and any other forms of it should be followed with verb 3? eh? no?
- just trying to pass the time until it get too late and their search must then be stopped. / hmm... I think there's a more correct form of 'get' in this sentence. :) ya' already know what I'm thinkin', don't ya'? -okay, Hichigo's accent is infectious! ;_; I like it, though-
- A light chuckle resonated in his mind, with each every passing second louder and louder / so-sorry but I found the sentence a little confusing, maybe you should put a comma after 'second', or not. and I also found the words 'each every' kinda odd... maybe you should split them with an 'and'? 6_6
wow! you're a really talented author, senpai! XD
the scenes were amazing: starting from a somewhat light yet mysterious scene with Urahara; turning into a scene filled with tense when Ichigo attacked Rukia; back to soft; and the last part was incredibly horrific! XD wow, everything is in their place! and how you managed to put effects like that made the story flowed really well! wow!
I also loved your writing style... the sentence structure seemed a bit different from what I used to read in English, so it's really unique and refreshing for me. :D and, of course, it's still understandable and attracting. :)
the choice of words suit the situation, haha. the format is cool, too! _ to be honest, I dunno how long the fic is, but I just can't stop reading it. heh. when a story had captured me, I just couldn't really pay attention of the length. I just read it all along X3
let's start with suggestions again. :D erm, I think it's better if number like '4' was written in word-style: 'four'; or 12 becomes 'twelve'. usually, in a story, numbers would be written in their word-style; except for some things that might confuse the readers like really confusing numbers (example: 3456742), measurements, sometimes clock and date and year (example: December 26, 2010. 0:30 PM.), the chapter (example: chapter 1, 2, etc.), and other things. heh. just a suggestion. :D
typos that I spotted: 'imposer' and 'dissapeared' (yeah, I'm confused of how to type it correctly too _;).
- 'Ichigo sure hasn't changed at all, has he? Still my lovable brother…,' Then he looked at Ichigo / I think there shouldn't be a comma in the dialogue (or is this some kind of your writing style? :O). then, maybe the 'T' shouldn't be written in capital? oh, I'm confused... 6_6
- emanating a complete glowing ball coloured in blood-red at the tip of his finger / you forgot to type a full-stop at the end of the sentence.
this one is quite important. heh heh. :P probably because there're more lines with the same case in the next chapters...
okay, this line: "Do not feel embarassed of someone saving you, Ichigo. Sometimes it is the best option to retreat in an unwinable battle." Said Zangetsu
I guess the punctuation before the quotation mark in this sentence might be righter if it's a comma... well, that's because you added some descriptions about the dialogue with verb-followed-with-subject structure. note to mention it's righter to type the 'S' in a not capital form. :) or maybe, you could just change 'Said Zangetsu' into 'Zangetsu said'.
the same (or similar) thing as: "You're so warm, Ichi." Said Hichigo after some moment of stroking. / "It's not that I'm warm, you're just way too cold, silly." replied the little Ichigo / "Stop right there, father." Said Ichigo in an eerily calm tone
- But in the end, who was he stop his wielder to know the truth? / hmm... perhaps the sentence is missing a 'to'? 6_6
- like a an unknown hidden desire. / did you spot something odd? :9
- 'Combine both and I'd get…, middlewhere?' Thought the redhead sarcastically / 'T' in 'Thought' shouldn't be in capital, perhaps. this is similar to the case I explained earlier.
- 'Like a deep pit maybe?' ThoughtIchigo / I think the 'T' in 'Thought' shouldn't be in capital, once again, heh heh. and you had a space typo.
- That was his first though / I think 'though' should be 'thought'? :O
- "And shouting someone's name that incredibly similar to yours." Added the other black-haired twin / you forgot to add 'is', I suppose; and the same problem with the "Said Zangetsu" sentence up there. :)
garsh... you don't have to cut the yaoi scene just because of that stupid, troubling, and useless cup of tea. -3- huff... geez, once again, I'm troubling you... garsh... I wonder if other readers would throw me with something later? :O hope not... but, please, I hope your reason to cut the yaoi scene wasn't because of me. if it is, I hope you won't do it again. :( hmm...
mmm-kay, let's cut that out.
hee-hee! the disclaimer is funny! XD don't let him have Bleach -slapped- it's incredible that you tried your best for your story by searching in resources like books. :D it reflected how amazing and full dedicated writer you are! I admire your hard work! X)
then again, the description was still awesome. ah, maaan... you just caught every scene perfectly. the action scene sure was cool and wasn't really short so I could feel the impact and slight suspense there. haha. hard-headed Ichigo thought he could hold Hichigo's attack. nice optimism, but glad he didn't get killed. :P
scene where Hichigo and Ichigo are riding ferris wheel seemed really child-like and deep. :) you did a pretty great job; and seeing how hard you try to search for the english word of that ride sure paid it all! and that just added to your incridible hard work! AAAHHH! you're such a nice writer!
| kitsunelover300 chapter 9 . 12/22/2010
Holy S-, I'm the 100th review! Anyway, please update this soon! I wanna see what happens with Ichigo and Hichigo. Can youy put a really fluffy moment between the 2 now that ichi remembers hichi? Again, good story and UPDATE!
| Anitoon3 chapter 9 . 7/24/2010
Aw, Hichigo left Ichigo in the care of tastski (to myself: well not literally).
*Phew* I'm glad Ichigo showed up just in time to save Hichigo! I'm also glad that you did it like that, so that his last moments were with his brother... sad and sweet.
P.S: Do you think you'll finish this? Pleeeaaase? Pwetty pwease? It's just so awesome! I really want to see what happens with Hichigo and Ichigo! :)
Thank you very much for making this! 8D
| Anitoon3 chapter 8 . 7/24/2010
OMG! A wxciting chapter! Like, I was on the edge of my chair! O.O
I don't blame Ichigo for being furious. I'd be mad too if that happened to me.
*Gasp* Isshin slapped Ichigo! And he was controlling Ichigo's reatsu too!
I hope Ichigo gets things straightened out with Hichigo! That'd be cool if it were just Hichigo, Ichigo, and Zangetsu... :)
Thanks again for making this! You're a great writer! XD
| Anitoon3 chapter 7 . 7/24/2010
This is so amazing!
heehee, Hichigo has a fetish mind... ;)
Oh snap! Hichigo was about to use a Cero on Ichigo!
Cool, a bridge between the real world and the subconciousness (sp?)!
AW, little Ichigo and little Hichigo are so cute! Aw, I like the lap scene where Ichigo was stroking Hichigo's hair. .
Ahh! Hichigo died! Wahh! So sad! It must've been hard for Ichigo to cope with... :(
Dun dun dun! Ichigo finally knows the truth, well at least part of it.
Thanks again for making this!
| Anitoon3 chapter 6 . 7/24/2010
haha, I don't know why but seeing Ichigo tormenting Rukia is cool. XD
Yay, Hichigo appears again! :)
Thanks again for making this!
| Anitoon3 chapter 5 . 7/24/2010
Ooohhhh, I understand a lot better now!
So, Ichigo did remember him, but then Hichigo died from unknown reason, then ichigo was greifing, right?
Hehe, Ichigo's so cute and funny! "I have to pee..."
Ooo, Hichigo threatened Taski about not to make Ichigo cry. That's kinda cool and kinda scary, a little bit... :)
Coolness! Hichgio's gonna take something from Ichigo! ;)
And wreak havoc! XD
Thanks for making this again!
| Anitoon3 chapter 4 . 7/24/2010
Oh yeah! I totally forgot to mention that is was awesome in the last chapter when ichigo and hichigo kissed. ;)
That was cool that part when Ichigo found out about the albino-ness in the book.
But I'm a little confused as to why he was asking himself why he thought of Hichigo was dead?
Why does Tatski care about Hichigo's death?
Why was Ichigo shocked even though he's all 'Must have been hard for him when he was still living.'?
So, did Ichigo in general, like block all of this out? Or did he have something done to him so that he woulf forget Hichigo?
| Anitoon3 chapter 3 . 7/24/2010
This is such a cool chapter!
Cool! Ichigo remembers Hichigo! XD
Aw, Hichi doesn't want to eat porridge...heheh :)
But then he does cuz Ichigo and Masaki ask him to! :)
And Ichigo hugs Hichigo! how cute!
Aw, why'd Ichigo say that? Masaki was both their mothers...I'm sure she loved them both equally...
Thanks for making this! :)