|Reviews for Post Capture|
| EnharmonicAngel chapter 1 . 10/6/2011
| She Who Loves Pineapples chapter 1 . 1/8/2011
I always feel bad about putting them in the PC's... but the idea of them being stuck there for centuries through an apocolypse is so terrible. D: Poor Raticate...
| plasticbutterknife chapter 1 . 12/9/2009
:] I'm always a fan of the darker side of the pokemon universe. I'd say that the first part of this piece is certainly the strongest, with the narrator addressing the reader directly. I enjoyed reading about the eternal void of the pokemon storage system...and it almost made me feel bad for all of the little monsters I have trapped there in my game. xD It might be something interesting to explore further.
| Farla chapter 1 . 12/9/2009
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
"Do you know what it feels like to change – see the happy expression of its face only to be stowed away like nothing more than a tool that’s outlived its usefulness? "
I really can't understand this sentence. The second half is coherent, but it took several tries to guess that you mean "Do you know how it feels to evolve only to be stored away?" and not "Do you know how it feels to be changed for another pokemon?" and I'm still not entirely sure that's the right guess.
This is a problem with a lot of this. Your word choice is really weird. Sometimes it's just off, and other times it's actively screwing with my ability to understand the story.
"I’ve seen others pass in and out of this world, but I have always stayed. Others eventually joined me; you can even ask them yourself. "
For example, I'm pretty sure you mean "joined for good" here, as distinct from being put in and out, but "joined me" would apply to the first set too.
Also, it's unclear if the pokemon are going by their nicknames or naming themselves. If there's only one elekid and he's such a nonentity, then you wouldn't think he or the others would bother to name him, but he can't have been nicknamed, since he was pretty instantly sent in there.
"He saw the sun once, then never again. In this dimensions, he will forever be young, unknowing, uncaring. No will."
Isn't he just as capable of carrying on a conversation as the rest? Clearly they're changeable enough to learn new information within the PC. So he's still got internal stuff like will.
"Not a night has gone by when I have not yearned for home – the tall grass and absence of major predators. "
Uh, what presence of major predators does it face here? Is it just really bothered by their existence, even though they can't harm it? Or can the fights do harm, in which case they're really not that static.
"she is lost, unaware of her own existence. Do you see how she just lies on the ground? How others poke and prod her, but she never moves? "
That's a rather odd mental illness.
Also, this place seems rather interactive. They've got ground, they can not only talk but fight and poke each other - boring, I'll grant, but hardly sensory deprivation. Especially given that if the trainer started at ten and caught her on the first day, and is still a gung-ho trainer in his twenties, that'd only give us ten years - ten extremely boring years I'll grant you, but still, utter catatonia is a bit much.
Plus, there's lots of craziness that doesn't just involve curling up in a ball and not moving.
"He prodded it gently, and a red light suddenly escaped from it. A Raticate materialized. But something was not right about it. Its eyes seemed lost as if it was staring into infinity and would not move no matter how much he pawed at it."
So I see where you're going with this, but - for one thing, even if he did go nuts in the extremely specific way you're having them all go nuts, seeing new things should be pretty startling and provoke a reaction. People with catatonia can function normally in extreme circumstances, and you'd think that'd apply even more for induced catatonia from one very boring environment.
This would be a bit more believable if they were doing some sort of behavior instead of just blank staring, I think. If he's been walking in a circle for a couple thousand years or whatever he might well keep doing it after release.
Also, it seems your ending would work just as well if he got to the end sane/woke up sane when he was let out, only to promptly get killed seconds after he finally was free.
Basically, the shape of your idea is a decent one, and the actual resolution is clever - most of these just end with the pokemon trapped - but your execution is choppy.
| Blacker Side of the Shadows chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
when you had Laika pull her ears back in anticipation, most canines do not do that, when their ears are back they are afraid or angry. when anxious they prick up to full height in order to hear as much as they can.
pokemon typically have a large spacious area if i recall correctly, when placed in their pokeball. it's like a pocket dimension designed to suit the pokeballs occupant.
otherwise it does provide an interesting perspective on pokemon and their spherical prisons, so i have to give you credit for that. all in all it's a pretty good story.
| elegant Usurper chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
dude, this rocked! It was gloomy and stuff... X3
Just to make sure, the first one caught and the last one sane and the first to die was a ratata/raticate, right?
| Unknown Souldreamer chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
Oh... a dark fic...I haven't read that many of them before...it wasn't bloodly or morbid enough to scare me away, but instead it had thoughts, details of what happened to Pokemon in PC's. So it interested me that way.
Anyways, I liked the angle from a Pokemon's point of view. "He was the first caught, the last sane, and the first dead." That somehow reminded me of zoo animals for some reason...their lives in captivity. But then again, they have fresh air (some of them) and food. So maybe not the same, but in a way...I still felt sorry for them, and I thought of all my Pokemon in the PC's...
I felt it was missing a little more at the middle, when it broke into a new topic. I would have liked to hear more on the Raticate's view before PC life. And in the second part, are they dead, or have simply lost the will to live (in which you mentioned them not moving)? They are no longer sane...thus referring to the latter? I was confused there. That's my concrit for it.
You mentioned my story...thank you for that...and I would prefer to not write this, but could you vote on my poll? It has been lacking in voters for some time. You don't have to if you don't want to. I apologize for bringing it up.
| Rena The Insane chapter 1 . 12/8/2009
the morbidness of this story is amazing! now i'm too freaked to put another pokemon in the PC box!