|Reviews for Sammy's Anguish|
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
This is phenomenal! It was so sad, but really well written. Ignore the bad review for this - it's completely unwarranted. On an emotional level this story was brilliant. Could you write a followup about what's in the letter?
| tasmat chapter 1 . 4/24/2010
I'm reviewing this because a) I feel kind of bad for you and b) you could use a few pointers.
First. You need to review punctuation uses, i.e. when to use a semicolon and a comma. Second. For the type of story this is, and the basic overall plot, the gener wording of the piece is too fancy and flashy with too many big words and exaggerated way of saying simple things. Like when you said he had gotten the absurdly priced brandy from the fridge in the corner, and a few others that I can't look at right now because I'm typing this from my iPod. Let me put it simply: if you're writing a story about someone killing themselves , you aren't going to want to usebig fancy words or too many adverbs. When people are thinking about ending their lives, they don't really bother thinking in a way that would be impressive in and English essay. Their thoughts are more likely to be curt, short, and confused or even jumbled. I know that when I feel very emotional about something, I usually rant in my head in long ongoing phrases. Or I start shouting obscenities at myself. But I don't really think about things in the same way I would write them for an essay, using as many cool bigs words as I can without sounding like a dictionary, and gramatically exotic ways of wording my sentences. It's just not realstic.
| DarkandtwistyGirl chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
I can't believe no one's reviewed this. It's so awesome, a great read!
Thanks for sharing it.
xx Hannah xx