|Reviews for Eternal Geass Moon: The Garden of Sinners|
| King Draconias chapter 8 . 5/6
I haven't even finished this chapter and I've already noticed a glaring mistake. I had thought your various tendencies for using lore was a way to pay homage to the original works by Nasu, but now I seriously question whether you understand one of the core aspects of the Nasuverse with how casually you had Mana reveal Kallen's Origin.
The Origin is something that people were not meant to know because once they know of it they will be irresistibly influenced by the knowledge of their Origin. It is not something anyone can consciously know and then deny or run away from and you just had a character blurt it out as if it was nothing with no visible reaction from Kallen about hearing something that should have influenced the very core of her mind.
This is such a blatant diversion from how seriously the Origin is supposed to be taken that it honestly seems like you threw that in because it sounded good rather than because it was important for the story for Kallen to know her Origin. And you have done similar things with other concepts as well, so on that note I think I'm going to be taking a break from your story because, while I greatly enjoy the ideas you have put forth, I think you need to seriously improve your knowledge of the works and your writing style (because, as it stands right now, you're writing the same voice for Kallen that you do for Lelouch, who both have very different ways of thinking).
I may come back to this story later, but for now I can't continue further. Good luck and I sincerely hope you improve this potentially amazing story.
| FearWolfXZ chapter 21 . 5/5
Its nice to see that this story has returned for however long that may be. Now I just need to actually start the fanfic idea that spawned from this work of yours way back when ;). Keep up the good work.
| King Draconias chapter 2 . 5/4
Just started reading this story and while I both enjoy the concepts and plan on continuing reading I feel I should state something that might help you in your future chapters.
I think you need to work on "showing" rather than "telling" because some of what you state explicitly is unnecessary. A specific example would be the over-elaboration on Suzaku's internal death wish in the scene where he rushed towards the Royal Guards.
Also, the scene where Mana kills the Captain was... not appropriate for the scene. I get you're referencing the Garden of Sinners, but that scene had a completely different feel and emotion to it. Writing it the way you did felt like you were just doing it for the recognizable nature of that particular scene in the minds of fans. And while it is nice to pay homage to certain scenes, it's important to try and get the feeling of the original scene right in the attempt at honoring it.
Beyond that stuff, I feel like this story has a lot of potential and I will gladly keep reading it. The first chapter was a little exposition heavy (with an unnecessary, though amusing, reference to a certain meme), but that's to be expected. I hope to see this story continue to improve.
| Dragonheart Of Ireland chapter 22 . 10/8/2016
I hope you update this story some day!
| Please Update chapter 22 . 4/13/2015
I just finished reading this story and it's awesome! I know this story stalled on December 21, 2010, but could you please update this fantastic story!
| Aern chapter 1 . 12/2/2014
This is definitely one of the best stories on the site!
| Asuka Langley chapter 22 . 3/17/2014
| Guest chapter 3 . 3/5/2014
Why exactly does C.C. fight like Shirou? The conversation at the end seemed to hint at something.
| Crow667 chapter 14 . 12/11/2013
damn this stoy is so epic i dont think there exists a word to express its awesomness, you didnt kill kaguya right? shiki and mana meeting...britannia is screwed. by the way that "mirage knight" and "magical meido luluko" exist in some form or is it just for this fic? keep up the good work!
| Crow667 chapter 9 . 12/6/2013
so hes nanaya and not tohno huh? mystic eyes of life perception? like roa'? and damn he trained as demon hunter? oooh is he going to join with the black knights? what about him meeting mana? what would you think would be his reaction? heh keep up the good work! on the side if you had to give a theme song for shiki and mana what song would you choose?
| Crow667 chapter 2 . 12/3/2013
no i dont remember what happened to Rai i dont know japanesse and there is no english patch yet
| Crow667 chapter 1 . 12/3/2013
hm had me fooled there for a while when you mentioned "daughter of satsujinki" i inmediately tought of tohno tough mentioning mana ryogi cleared that up for me. your stories are so awesome keep up the good work!
| ImmortalSheep chapter 22 . 1/22/2013
Amazing fic, and I have never seen a Mana/Lelouch pairing before and you defenetly pulled it off.
| Yikari chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
A solid first chapter - curiousity enticed! And, by the way, that was the most smooth and unsuspected insertion of feline qualities' appreciation I've seen. I've got a good laugh.
Not much to add at this point, I'm afraid, so I'll see you on the other side.
| Granten chapter 5 . 8/3/2012
Milly seems rather cold considering that she's his old friend, secretly pining for him and she's just admitted that she has knowledge of things that could get him killed (if he's lucky). It seems rather improbable that Kallen could suddenly start using magic, even people with great potential usually can't do anything in Nasuverse unless they know how.
Lastly a bit more detail for when Lelouch activated his ability during his conversation with Milly* would have spared you from having to repeat that she was under its power two extra times.
*And from the KnK novels the unified language doesn't seem to behave like his Geass where simply asking the question with it ensures obedience.