|Reviews for Endlessly|
| Kuromei Aibyouka chapter 12 . 5/7
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I love this story to pieces! This is my headcanon now. Absolutely positively hands down my favorite Alistair story. Thank you for writing it!
| FunnyLittleMe chapter 12 . 8/22/2014
So great! Ahhhhhh I loved it. Going on my favourites, so sweet. The use of second person was a really great choice.
If I were to bring up anything that maybe bothered me was some of the typos and mistakes that possibly your beta readers missed that could have been caught by a fine toothed comb.
But otherwise, absolutely wonderful!
| Aeternix chapter 12 . 7/26/2014
"Irrevocably, endlessly, his."
Initially, my first review praised the technical aspects of your writing. The ability to follow through with the second person narration and make a narrative device mean something in regards to the game. This continuation of narrative skill traces past the first chapter and is just as skillful as in the first chapter.
In terms of sentence structure, your story improved significantly as it moved along. Sentences became more coherent and it rarely happened that I needed to read it a second time. However, though I did like the stylistic choice of having a character or narrator list off things without a comma (and [X] and [Y] and [Z]) it did start to get a but tiring when it happened over and over again. This technique is effective when the character is frazzled or worried, the escalating "and and and" shows a sense of manic progression and should only be used as such. Otherwise it feels overused and, dare I say, grammatically incorrect.
Characters is what you excel at and indeed it is a great show of how a single moment in the game can be expanded wonderfully. Alistair is a stunning picture from the game and his dialog is superb. I loved his interactions and little side comments, I had his voice in my head constantly. Well done.
The Warden also felt real, genuine, and emotionally involving. Though at times I felt she was a little too clingy towards him, the sentiments felt real and heart wrenching at its most pivotal points. There are some really lovely scenes here and the skill you display at weaving them together is simply amazing.
For the first Dragon Age story I've read, I must say that this is a stunning introduction in what people can do. Intelligent, emotional, and raw in its human approach. So much to love and the second person narration wraps it all together in a package that I wouldn't mind seeing in a Dragon Age Novella Compilation. I look forward to reading more.
| Aeternix chapter 1 . 7/25/2014
"It's familiar, this road you find yourself on."
Second person narration is a powerful tool, one that directly involves the reader in what is happening ok the piece. Their actions are now having an effect and yet, almost paradoxically, these choices are linear . . . Almost as if they are not in control at all.
It's this twisted paradox that drives second narration, at least when it is not a "choose your own adventure" story. Even then the choices are awfully binary, yet it matters little to a central thesis I see: a comment on Dragon Age. I love how you employ this perspective so eloquently to highlight the most important part of Dragon Age: player agency. Indeed, no other BioWare game I have played forced me into such agency, where the character because a representation of me in this world, instead of me guiding another character through choices. In the same way, you thrust the reader into the story using the narrative technique. You toy with the concept that we are the ones on this journey and, like the game, you achieve this wonderously.
Now, a few times I noticed that your sentences are a bit "over-prosey". They make the actions seem muddled and confusing, taking a few rereads to understand the meaning. The movement of language works fantastically, but often at the determiner of readability.
Most of the time it's only hard to understand, but still understandable. Other times, like here: "The same was the last time you travelled it." it doesn't make much sense. I think you mean "The same as [it] was the last time you travelled it." but that still doesn't feel right. It feels jumbled and too complex for its own good.
Overall, the story is excellent. The ideas presented are marvellous and the character beats are a great addition. The narrative technique is used to great effect and it makes a lot of sense considering what the story is about. Only muddled sentences really deteriment this piece but those can be fixed with a good sweeping edit. I am enjoying this a lot and hope to read and finish it.
| Baka-chan chapter 12 . 1/1/2014
That was amazing, i loved the style of writting you wrote in, second person i think :S it really helped to involve you in the story. :)
| Guest chapter 6 . 10/6/2013
My heart kind of fell when he said, "Tell me how to fix this?"
You are honestly great at what and how you write.
| O.O chapter 2 . 10/6/2013
"You wear the clothes of your childhood life and the face of your hardened adulthood, prepared to see the man who left you somewhere in between."
That, right there, is powerful. I love your writing. And strangely, second person works very well. You have an undeniable talent.
| Guest chapter 12 . 3/6/2013
Thank u so much ur story is amazing and my heart was like a drum when I was reading it ..
| Hr'awkryn chapter 12 . 12/22/2012
Wow, so amazing! I absolutely loved this. You captured all the emotion perfectly, and I was completely caught up in the story from the start.
| CouslandSpitFire chapter 12 . 11/26/2012
I just read your story in one go-through. Your writing style is really, really good to read - it creates atmosphere and makes me imagine the scenes so well! And the feelings you put into it... :) Absolutely perfect, the tiniest words fit (like "warmer than the sun", it's so true!).
I'm happy you wrote this, a little turn-around of the whole event that can happen in-game. And I think it's really accurate - because, honestly, Alistair would never have taken another queen. Ever. And they deserve happiness. And Cheese.
Really, really awesome! :)
| dorko525 chapter 12 . 5/20/2012
This is definitely my top favorite dragon age fic ever. You have a way with words that linger in my mind even months after reading it for the first time. I just know I'll be reading this again in the future.
| dorko525 chapter 11 . 5/20/2012
Yes! The matter of Morrigan is laid to rest. That was such a horrible moment for me in game. The very first time I did it, I gaped at the screen and considered sacrificing myself but then that meant anyone could put their grubby hands on Alistair. The tenderness in this scene is lovely. Also the way you write Alistair throughout this is very in character. So adorably persistent.
| dorko525 chapter 10 . 5/20/2012
Oh Alistair you were just made for her.
| dorko525 chapter 9 . 5/20/2012
This would have been a welcome scene in my game with one of my Wardens. I adore this
| dorko525 chapter 8 . 5/20/2012
It just makes me shiver when Alistair gets all intense. This was such a great chapter